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  1. #831
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    @skeeter I'm sorry you had an awful night last night. I hope you got through it ok. I hope your first day back at work goes well, I'm sure it's going to be very tough.
    I still have days where I feel that all I want to do is hide under the covers and cry. I miss her so much.

  2. #832
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    @VioletMay Work is... work. I didn't like it that much before, I was really looking forward to maternity leave. Now the year stretches out before me... I was feeling better most days, but work seems to have unsettled me a bit, and I am having some bad days. It doesn't help when I read facebook and IVF boards. I'm sure it will get worse as my maternity leave date and then my due date arrive. I am not sure how I will be when my sister-in-law gives birth... VioletMay, I am sorry you are still feeling raw some days, I guess it never really goes away.

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  4. #833
    SpotTheOcelot's Avatar
    SpotTheOcelot is offline 'Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.'
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    @skeeter that is one of the many hurdles you work through.

    I resigned after our loss at 21 weeks and then ended up returning once I felt strong enough. Then when we lost our daughter at 28 weeks it took awhile to return, you just feel so damaged.

    And people around you falling pregnant and having no concerns. Having maternity leave 'booked' in your head and never having it.

    When one day it all falls into place. I was so thankful of a supportive workplace that celebrated when I finally did go on maternity leave ... our baby became the peoples baby as there were so many people invested in her safe arrival.

    Beyond the grief and pain comes the happiness.

    x

  5. #834
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    @skeeter any chance you can take some more time off?

    Every loss is different. I really feel for you going through this.

    Jobs tend to be advertise more at this time of year, have a look and see if there is anything interesting. Study is another idea.

    Take Care!

  6. #835
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    @SpotTheOcelot Yes, I feel it is something I just have to work through. I wish I didn't have to work, but it is what it is...
    @Deskar I was lucky to have several weeks off. I used the leave I was saving for maternity leave. It is just still so hard, and I don't think any more time off will help, though I would love it. I have been trying to change jobs for a while, but kind of stuck in a financial situation. I hope this year it eases. I am studying a bachelor part time, but it will be a couple more years. I am taking on some short term study to help with the job change, but that will be several months away. I could get another job doing the same thing, but that is a last resort...

  7. #836
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    I completely agree with @SpotTheOcelot. I was in a very similar boat. I'm a primary teacher, and after I lost my first, I just couldn't face going back to the same school and feeling like all eyes were on me. I transferred, and after a while I regretted it because I didn't have the support of my work friends every day. When I lost my second, I decided to stay, and found that everyone was just so supportive, and it helped. The worst part was knowing that I should have been on maternity leave and I should have been having my baby so my heart really wasn't in it at work. But it gets better over time, you just have to get through each hour, each day. It is the hardest thing I've ever been through. I had years of fertility problems afterwards and like you, @skeeter, I honestly thought I would never be a mother. Stick with it and fight, do whatever it takes if it's what you truly want. When I finally had my baby I couldn't believe how many people were celebrating and cheering us on. You need to believe that you will find your happiness and you are in the thick of your sorrow right now. I really feel for you because I remember the pain so vividly. It was like I was literally in a nightmare and not in my own body. One day you will remember your babies with fondness and not just heartache. We're here if you need some "virtual" support.

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  9. #837
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    @BB77 At first I didn't think I could ever go back. Luckily I had some time to take which allowed me to get through the worst. I have considered changing jobs but figured it would be harder somewhere where nobody knew or understood if I needed a moment etc. I just wish I could fast forward to the happy ending. It's like with the IVF, I could get through the bad parts if I knew that someday it would work out... But to not know whether I will ever get that happy ending is tearing me apart. It seems as I get through one stumbling block I hit another. It feels so unfair when others get pregnant and have children so easily.

    I have my follow up appointment at the hospital this week, so I will feel better going forward with a plan for next time. I just hope it will not be another year and $40,000 to get pregnant again... I hope the FS was wrong when he said I wouldn't conceive and that my twins were not a fluke...

  10. #838
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    @skeeter yes the uncertainty is so tough. If someone had just been able to show me a crystal ball everything would've been ok. My sil even turned to psychics for me. Truth is, no one knows what lies ahead, not even your fs who says you "can't". I was also told by a prominent specialist that I'd never carry a baby to term but I found a way. See someone else, do your research, I pray that you find a way. Did they find out why you lost your babies? Unfortunately some of us have to go through such difficulties when it seems to come to others so easily. I paid a lot of money for my bub 😁 but he's priceless. I still pinch myself every day. Please don't give up hope.

  11. #839
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    @BB77 I will find out this week. From what has been said unless the pathology comes back with something then it is an incompetent cervix. As far as I can tell that will now be an issue with all future pregnancies. I want to have a plan for future pregnancies and would like to know the risks of having to leave work early, bed rest etc. But I guess they will only give a general plan, and probably would only find out through extra monitoring next time. I feel better knowing what is going on. I hope that I get pregnant quickly, and I hope that my frozen embryos are good, I don't think I could stand a miscarriage due to other issues. Then I can worry about my stupid cervix.

  12. #840
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    An incompetent cervix is not the end of the world. Stressful, yes, but manageable. Let us know how it pans out. I'll be thinking of you.


 

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