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  1. #531
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScubaGal View Post
    It's important to me to remember it. It was a real pregnancy. It was my first.

    Had a blood test today and was expecting my HCG to be back to zero, it's nearly there - still measuring 22 and I think for a brief moment my husband who doesn't quite get how it all works and was listening as I took the call with my results - I think for a second he thought because I was talking about a HCG level and he heard me say 'that's higher than I thought it would be' (ie not zero) I was going to say they've made a mistake it's still there. He's been so devastated today.

    Big hugs scubagirl. I asked for another hcg test when I was in my three week period of waiting for the close to begin..... It was so depressing going for the actual test, I had to then have another ultrasound.... It was def real for me too, first positive ever..... I just wish my body wasn't so cruel and didn't hold on for it all for so long

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    ScubaGal  (11-08-2014)

  3. #532
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    Quote Originally Posted by mightymama View Post
    I've realised tonight that I haven't fully recovered from our miscarriage, I thought I had but I'm thinking it's just brave face and optimism and focusing on getting pregnant again that has masked me. I'm a little worried about that.
    Had a family get together today and had an uncle ask when "the next one is coming" and says "the next time I see you I hope to see you impregnanted" urgh!
    I know what you mean. People keep asking me about when we are having one, or just say I must be pregnant cause I don't have a drink.... They don't realise how much their words hurt us. I haven't fully recovered either, though I'm trying to move on.... I'm just wondering when we'll ever feel ok about it all

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    ScubaGal  (11-08-2014)

  5. #533
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    I'm worried I won't enjoy the next pregnancy. I loved being pregnant so much, it was the best time but now I'm worried I'll be freaking out at everything tiny thing.
    Urgh 😔

  6. #534
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    Quote Originally Posted by mightymama View Post
    I'm worried I won't enjoy the next pregnancy. I loved being pregnant so much, it was the best time but now I'm worried I'll be freaking out at everything tiny thing.
    Urgh 😔
    I'm worried about that too. I was so positive during the first IVF cycle, it's such a lot to cope with - you feel like a science experiment and with all the testing and medications and stress and anxiety and the pressure of how much it's costing - I worked so hard in the first cycle to eat well and meditate, avoiding caffeine and alcohol and doing yoga and just trying do everything right...

    Now I have to do it all again and I just don't know how I will manage it.

    Everything seems so pointless. I was indescribably happy to get that first line on the pregnancy test I thought this is it our troubles are finally over and we can go back to being normal and then it was confirmed by the clinic too and I relaxed - I was happy for like a whole day and a half.

    Now I can't imagine ever relaxing and being happy. So many people told us and still tell us our cycle was "perfect" and our embryos looked great and the tests were positive and none of it meant anything in the end.

    It was all wrong. I just don't have any trust or faith at all anymore.

  7. #535
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    I have to say that first week after finding out I was pregnant was so draining emotionally, every time I went to the toilet I expected to wipe blood, I second guessed every niggle and pain and I was poasing multiple times a day watching to see the line get darker (which it obviously never did). Hubby used to say why do you keep testing?? They just don't understand....I don't know if it was because my previous miscarriage was only in April this year so still fresh in my mind or if that's just how you are once you've had one. Now having two consecutively I think I'm going to be even more on edge wondering, watching, expecting the worst every toilet trip if I fall pregnant again. I know I will be looking for support though from someone that's 'been there' because no one else knows the emotional toll it takes

  8. #536
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    Quote Originally Posted by myliltiger1 View Post
    I have to say that first week after finding out I was pregnant was so draining emotionally, every time I went to the toilet I expected to wipe blood, I second guessed every niggle and pain and I was poasing multiple times a day watching to see the line get darker (which it obviously never did). Hubby used to say why do you keep testing?? They just don't understand....I don't know if it was because my previous miscarriage was only in April this year so still fresh in my mind or if that's just how you are once you've had one. Now having two consecutively I think I'm going to be even more on edge wondering, watching, expecting the worst every toilet trip if I fall pregnant again. I know I will be looking for support though from someone that's 'been there' because no one else knows the emotional toll it takes
    I'm in awe of anyone who is still standing after multiple miscarriages.

  9. #537
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    Oh guys ❤️❤️

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    ScubaGal  (12-08-2014)

  11. #538
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    I'm super incredibly exhausted.... Having just started a new job in the past month and a bit..... Can only imagine how much worse it would've been at 20 weeks prego..... But, I would give anything to still be pregnant

  12. #539
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilyloubelle View Post
    I'm super incredibly exhausted.... Having just started a new job in the past month and a bit..... Can only imagine how much worse it would've been at 20 weeks prego..... But, I would give anything to still be pregnant
    I know what you mean about exhaustion. I'm back in my office today for the first time and feeling so low. Don't want to be here, struggling to get anything done. Every little thing is a reminder that last time I was here I was pregnant.

  13. #540
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    @ScubaGal, there is no time limit on grief. Bottling it up may feel like it helps in the short term but ultimately you will feel better if you let all of those emotions out.

    I don't know if this will help you but it's just a thought. When I miscarried last year my DH and I decided that we needed to have a little ceremony, to say good bye and to help us let go. It might sound a bit silly but we took a polished stone and sat by the riverbank near our home at sunset one afternoon. Together we held that stone in our hands and took it in turns to tell bubba what he/she meant to us. When we'd said our good byes we then threw the stone into the river. It was very emotional for both of us but, for me in particular, it helped me start to heal emotionally. It acknowledges that the pregnancy was real and gives you both a chance to express how you feel about what you've gone through - the highs and the lows.

    Thinking of you during this tough time.

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    ScubaGal  (13-08-2014)


 

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