Oh @ScubaGal I'm so sorry. I'd be a little over 5 weeks too and it breaks more of my heart the more I think about it. I feel your pain sweet.
But I am so fortunate to already have a 2yo
I feel for you, I really do x
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09-08-2014 21:45 #521
09-08-2014 22:14 #522
Thanks @myliltiger1 and @mightymama1 for your support. Mightymama I'm sorry for your recent loss.
I keep thinking I'm coping ok and then I'm on the floor crying again. it's compounded by the fact that it costs us so much emotionally and physically and financially to go through IVF and we've got three frozen which we will now transfer at $2k each and I just feel like they will all fail and we will be back for another $6 full IVF cycle and where does it ever end you know? I just can't believe people get pregnant from sex. From just sex?!?
I can't believe people get pregnant and have babies at all it seems so unlikely and so difficult to achieve but then of course that's just us - I just go to the local park or supermarket and there are pregnant women and babies *everywhere* and i think it's not like I'm trying to climb Everest or win the lottery so why is it so hard? It's supposed to be the most natural thing in the world. We will never get pregnant without IVF due to our fertility issues.
I want my pregnancy back.
There was so much blood this morning and the cramps today were even more painful.
I also feel like there's a time limit on openly grieving. It upsets my husband so im trying to keep it to myself from here on. It feels like there's a point where you wear out your welcome with people who are supportive initially you know?
09-08-2014 22:57 #523
Yep totally, I still feel like I should just get over it, it was early, I have a kid already, don't be greedy etc etc but we all grieve for our own reasons. If you still feel like you need to, then grieve! I feel like it is a natural process because if you bottle it up and have no release, well we all know what happens if a mentos is dropped in a bottle of coke!!
I'm sure your hubby feels the same way you do, he probably is like mine and has a hard time expressing it. I think it's much harder for boys to express or feel sadness over a mc, we get so emotionally tied and like you said, talk to it, and bond immediately!
Urgh, IVF must be a sucky process, I've only known close friends having had gone through it so I can't relate much with that, but your frustration at how "easy" it is to get pregnant!! Oh my god I hear you!!!
I just don't understand how people can get pregnant on one night stands! The irony is supposed to be really funny but I just can't laugh, the craving and loss is just overwhelming x
09-08-2014 22:58 #524
10-08-2014 00:14 #525Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
@ScubaGal: I am sorry for your lost. I know exactly how you feel. I lost mine at ~5 weeks. The bub would be due in about 3 weeks if he/she is still with us. FS didnt even bother for 2nd BT to make sure hcg was double. I just felt something wasn't right and went to the local hospital one night and got the devastated news of dropping hcg. We cried our heart out upon stepping out of the hospital. First time experienced what so called heartache. Yes, it was physically hurt. The grief has never lessen in my case after 8 months. I still cry for it. I found a good infertility clinical psychologist and have been helping me through, mainly to prep us for the donor process. I highly recommend seeing one. Not just any but a good one. Medicare has a very good rebate for it. You can get the referral from the GP.
Yes, it is very difficult for people like us to get our head around to believe in chromosome abnormality as the cause of the miscarriage. It is common but i dont believe it as that common for a blastocyst or a embie that actually implanted. The hard part is that my counsellor doesn't think the prob is me but the embie itself.
I saw your post on the NK cell thread. As I said, get some basic tested if you want to have a peace of mind. I was tested high ANA and thus pursuing the NK cell blood etc through my FS. I went to DrM for the intralipid as he is one of the fews who offer it. Even DrM cant be sure that the prob is me because the statistic needs 2 consecutive miscarriage to count. On the other hand, he might just try not to make me blaming myself for it since no one knows the quality of my DH sperms (severe male factor).
Hugs. Cry as much as u like.
Last edited by bbhope; 10-08-2014 at 00:17.
10-08-2014 07:07 #526Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
Absolutely agree with @mightymama.
for me I found one of the hardest parts was the blood loss. When it starts/happens I just wanted it to be over. I definitely believe no one knows what it's like until you've been through one......I know I was that person who thought how can someone be so attached, along with that would never happen to me especially after having kids and here I am two consecutive miscarriages this year and a hell of a reality check.
Hugs again for everyone!
10-08-2014 17:55 #527Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
I went to my sister's house today and I was giving her some photos I took at her daughter's baptism… anyway the three photos before the baptism ones were a photo of my digital test saying 2-3 weeks and a photo of the two of us the early morning we officially found out… may have made me very .. I couldn't quite bring myself to delete the photos though
Last edited by lilyloubelle; 10-08-2014 at 17:58.
10-08-2014 22:29 #528
I thought maybe when it doesn't feel so raw I'd print out a couple of those pictures and stick them into a couple of pages along with the letter that came from the IVF clinic confirming our pregnancy and my first and only greeting card congratulating us from my sister (who was just so thrilled for us, knowing how long we've tried) and then I'll just hide it away somewhere as a keepsake, safe but not forgotten.
10-08-2014 22:32 #529
It's important to me to remember it. It was a real pregnancy. It was my first.
Had a blood test today and was expecting my HCG to be back to zero, it's nearly there - still measuring 22 and I think for a brief moment my husband who doesn't quite get how it all works and was listening as I took the call with my results - I think for a second he thought because I was talking about a HCG level and he heard me say 'that's higher than I thought it would be' (ie not zero) I was going to say they've made a mistake it's still there. He's been so devastated today.
11-08-2014 00:54 #530
I've realised tonight that I haven't fully recovered from our miscarriage, I thought I had but I'm thinking it's just brave face and optimism and focusing on getting pregnant again that has masked me. I'm a little worried about that.
Had a family get together today and had an uncle ask when "the next one is coming" and says "the next time I see you I hope to see you impregnanted" urgh!
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