Honestly, when I was younger I thought someone so young having kids was insane. I wanted to travel the world, work overseas and have kids in my late 20s/early 30s. People have different goals in life and I used to struggle to understand why someone would settle down so early when it was the furtherest thing from my mind. I fell pregnant with DD when I was 22 and now of course I can see that kids don't stop you from living your life, they just make it different. Your friend is probably just having difficulty separating her goals from yours. I think it's great you have an honest enough relationship that she feels she can share her concerns with you. Don't worry though - when it happens and the baby is here she will forget it was ever a 'bad idea'.
As for the marriage thing - Pfft. We have been together six years, had DD, bought a house and have another child on the way with no intentions of marrying any time soon. That certainly shouldn't be a stumbling block.
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11-05-2013 14:54 #21Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
11-05-2013 21:19 #22Junior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
- Gold Coast
I have been with my fiance for 10 years ( just got engaged 2 weeks ago) and started TTC #1 a year ago. Marriage wasn't really on the cards for a long time. We were pressured by family and friends that we should hurry up and just do it. We felt that marriage wasn't that important and we knew how much we loved each other and didn't need a piece of paper to tell us that. So deciding to start trying for a baby before marriage was no biggie.
You do what you feel is right for you and your partner and don't let anyone pressure you or force their opinions on you. You might just have to agree to disagree.
11-05-2013 23:20 #23Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
We were engaged within 3 months of being together. We lived together 2 weeks before he asked me out! When my friends tell me they are dating a guy... i often have a giggle to myself and think WTF is Dating ? lol
Within 6 months of being together, 3 months engaged we thought and discussed kids. We both said we wanted to have a baby before married. My parents thought i was insane. Nothing to do with there opinions, I decided i wanted to be married first but i wanted to do it the traditional way. Worked out that way in the end, We got posted away for work etc and having a baby during that time of our lives would have been hell anyway.
We got married 12 months after getting together, Im now due with our son in a few weeks and have been married just over 1 year.
Im 24 next week. I dont believe ive missed out on my youth or any experiences ...
I dont believe you have to be married before you have a baby, Its what i wanted but dont think ill of those whom choose to not do it my way. However, I also think marriage is so much more than "just a piece of paper". That one urks me.. but ahhh well. (something i used to say pre marriage, cant understand it until you HAVE that piece of paper lol).
Go forth and do whatever you want. In the end, you will anyway. Shes just looking out for you and unfortunately, not that you want to hear it but ... being a friend! Probably a tad jealous to.
Have a baby and things might be awesome. Have a baby and things might go down hill, Dont have a baby and either one might still happen. We cant predict the future. Were here right now ... do what makes you happy. A baby or no baby wont make him stay or go if thats whats on the cards in the future
12-05-2013 10:12 #24
Thank you for all your lovely replies. I am feeling much better now I did talk to my friend, she said that she just wants me to be happy and will support my decision, whatever it is, even if she doesn't agree with it. I'm sure she will be completely won over when I'm actually pregnant. I got a referral yesterday to a FS http://www.drsharonli.com/web/home.html Dr Sharon Li. I'm hoping it goes well. I have no idea what to expect. Should I stop taking vitex before I get my blood tests done?
13-05-2013 08:02 #25
Definately agree with everyone here - it's your decision!
Have you spoken to your BFF?
DP and I had been together about 3 years, not married or engaged but lived together when we unexpectedly fell.... our families were thrilled (my dad a little stand off-ish but not becuase of our situation, but is THE BEST grandad and loves our littlie to bits!)
We were engaged on New Years Day this year and are TTC #2 and save for a house.
Everyone is different and you know what is best for you!
25-06-2013 19:00 #26
I've only been with my bf 8 months and we've just decided to try. I'm close to 32 and would like a few before I reach my late thirties so want to start ASAP. It feels right and we feel ready and since you never know how long it will take I'm ecstatic to be trying now! Each couple has their unique circumstances and shouldn't be judged.
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