Thanks for your post shadowangel.
Ive had someone say to me that its like my mil has BPD but she shows traits of several mental illnesses ive looked into so im not sure. As far as i know she hasnt been diagnosed with anything other than depression.
I know what u mean about making the excuses part! Dh does it all the time.... " she has no one" " shes had a rough life" "she doesnt think like u and me" "shes frail sick old woman" ( shes 62) Other times he will pull her up on her behaviour and they will have blowouts. Its so destructive.
The last few months have been virtually non stop drama and stress with repeated abusive, nasty and emotionally manipulative behaviour and he knew that i had limited my contact with her ( i never said anything to her for fear once i started i wouldnt stop) but id just try not to see her - funnily enough dh also doesnt drive so i have to take him to see her or he would catch a bus from work. She lives next door to his Nan so we would always go there as her house is filthy ( i mean hoarders style) so id go in and say hi to his Nan and she would come over.
Id try to say to dh that id come in and say hi and then leave and come back and pick him up ( is too far to drive back home tho) but he never wanted to stay long so would ask me to just wait.
But now i have to put my foot down. He isnt going to like it and i know he will try and guilt trip me and make me feel like im the bad one but i dont care anymore.
It drives me nuts that he just keeps going back to allow more abuse. He thinks he has no choice and has to put up with it cause she is his lonely old mum.
Honestly no wonder she has no friends or family that want anything to do with her but she constantly pulls the pity card about how she has no one and all her ailments etc.
Any tips on how to make him realise what he is doing? Nothing i say seems to make a real, lasting difference. She has been manipulating him all his life!
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10-05-2013 05:10 #41
Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 10-05-2013 at 05:15.
10-05-2013 05:13 #42
p.s i fear he will never make it stop and it will come at a cost - our marriage.
She is the only thing we have major arguments about.
What drives me nuts the most is he wouldnt put up with it from anyone else. If anyone we knew treated their child that way or if i treated our dd that way when she is older he would b disgusted and prob report me for abuse.
But when it comes to his mum, its acceptable for the most part.
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Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 10-05-2013 at 05:17.
10-05-2013 06:49 #43
Yes, for a period of 2.5 years my DH had no contact with his parents and for the past 8 years he hasnt spoken to his brother and SIL. Its a difficult situation and the estrangement hurts DH alot. He now speaks to his parents but its an extremely superficial relationship esp since his parents make no real attempt to mend the broken relationship between their sons:-(
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10-05-2013 07:12 #44
I don't think I could or would cut contact with my family, as DP has no family.
10-05-2013 08:35 #45
I really feel for you, its a long hard road it took about 3yrs before df was ready
Last edited by shadowangel0205; 09-06-2013 at 23:28.
10-05-2013 08:42 #46
I cut all contact with my family over 13yrs ago. None of them have met my youngest 3 kids.
I miss them terribly but their toxicity was just too much. They were never going to infect my children with their 'family' ways.
My dh's parents have passed so it is really sad because my kids don't have any blood relatives.
But... my ex MIL is a beautiful woman, and she has taken my youngest 3 under her wing, even though they are not my ex's children. She is a gem. I love her to bits and so do my kids. She is a true Grandma. Always loving, always open arms and an open heart. So yes they have missed out with mine and dh's family, but what they gained from my ex MIL is just priceless. I am so lucky.
10-05-2013 09:01 #47
Yeah I cut out everyone but my parents, 1 set of grandparents and my brothers.
Everyone else is very self absorbed, manipulative and liars. Or else controlled by someone who is like that...
I don't feel bad because my life is so much better without them. When DP and I have kids, they will have only nice family around them. I'm not even telling any of the others when we get pregnant/have a baby.
One of my aunties and her daughter posted all over Facebook about my nan having a heart attack before the rest of the family even knew!
The same cousin hasn't even seen our nan for over 5 years. She lives 2 hour drive and hasn't made the effort. But it's no problem for her to fly to see her step mothers mother for her birthday?? Makes me angry
10-05-2013 09:22 #48
The Following User Says Thank You to onionskin For This Useful Post:
10-05-2013 09:29 #49Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
Sorry, accidental thank.
I won't go into details of the rest of my family that I've cut off and why or the rest of the reason for cutting off my Aunt, but on my birthday, at my birthday dinner, my Aunt took it upon herself to inform me she was glad I had miscarried a very much wanted and loved baby, just so that I ‘‘wasn't a single mum‘‘. I should have cut Gerald out then but as I loved my Uncle very much I decided to just be courteous and polite and not go out of my way to see her or anything. Then recently I posted a status update on fb after I'd read something on another forum I go to. She started having a go at me on my fb and twisted what I was saying and made it sound horrid and disgusting, so I deleted her from my fb. I then got a fb message from her that was quite impolite, she banned me from ever contacting my Uncle again and tried to ruin my wedding. My uncle was supposed to give me away abd she made a point of telling me he won't be.
I decided then and there if any of my family have a problem with it and want me to apologise to her then I'll cut them out along with her. I have no time for tahat crap and I want my kids to grow up feeling safe and loved.
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10-05-2013 11:24 #50-
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
We cut dh's family out of our lives 12 yrs ago, my family were cut out 2 yrs ago. None of them understand PND and mental health and it was costing my marriage and childrens happiness having negative unhelpful ppl in our life putting me down
Last edited by ozeymumof5; 10-05-2013 at 12:08.
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