Hello there BinB Woo hooo… Yay for those 3 little troopers!! 3 is wonderful but I’m sorry to hear 3 didn’t make it – just a couple more would be so very nice. I am sending bunches of cosmic energy and of course and yet more your way that all three are going to be lovely little strong embies between 2-4 cells when you call for your update this morning - I swear time stands still when your counting down to 10am …. arggghhh!
It’s a tough one re the timing of when to transfer and I have really struggled with it in the past. My only tidbit of advice would be to just take things day by day and see how those little guys are tracking and make the decision based on that. Lordy me you know I know exactly where you’re at emotionally, I had very little faith in my embryos and was relieved/amazed/surprised they made it to the point they did after what I felt was such a shi*%y cycle. Yep it’s a bummer they don’t do transfers on Sunday as I would have considered a 6 dt this time round to see if they made it to blast had I had the opportunity but I guess FS has to have some time off tho… Of course, there is some evidence to suggest that in older ladies embryos may be better off in mum sooner rather than later – but I know WDA doesn’t subscribe to this train of thought… but at the end of the day who can really say for sure.
I must admit I was a little worried about not hearing from you sooner (but don’t feel pressured as it important to be able to take time to process if you need to – at least for me it is) …but crazy as it sounds I thought to myself... oooh maybe there were some computer dramas holding you back, so there you go . Thinking of you today - you know I'm cheering you and your little guys on from the bench...
Mrs P I hope you feel better soon. Thanks for the good vibes... glad you got my message - it is also a decision I wrestled with too. All I can say is weigh everything up and go with your gut instinct.
AFM… lunch with g/f was a lovely distraction – great little vego café where I ate half my own body weight in food … yum! Didn’t make it to the movies as I got distracted by the Target stocktake sale in the arvo and yet more flooring samples – I now think I have met every flooring salesman in Cairns.... Nothing much else happening… just waiting, waiting, waiting... but it is nice to feel I have finally let the sunshine in attitude wise this time round and regardless of the outcome I really hope to be able to cultivate a more positive outlook if I need to cycle again in the future - I’m sure it can only help to have some good juju flowing through the veins. Not to mention I got myself so worked up with anxiety during stims that I couldn’t sleep and really started to worry that the insomnia (literally had no sleep for three days) would affect the cycle outcome. It’s a tricky line to walk trying to be positive but not wanting to set yourself up for a big fall should there be a BFN at the end of the line. Take care ladies.
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06-06-2013 06:53 #61Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Last edited by Domiffy; 06-06-2013 at 08:13.
06-06-2013 09:16 #62
Just stopping by to wish you all the best for this cycle. Sending you lots of baby dust for a successful cycle
06-06-2013 11:09 #63
Thank-you so much for taking the time to post your well wishes for me. I really appreciate it in light of what's transpired. Thanks girl....am not sure if you're cycling atm, but here, have some anyway!!!
06-06-2013 12:00 #64
Hello Domiffy and Mrs P.........
Well, they've survived the night and we've now got 1x3 cell and 2x4 cell (at an average Grade 3) doing their thing in the incubator as I type. That's another hurdle cleared and now its they make it until tomorrow. Would like to say I'm breathing easier, but I'm not. Am still stressed to the max and anxiety ridden. My heart was in my mouth when I phoned this morning, I felt sick to the stomach and was borderline having a panic attack!!! So, you'll both not be surprised to know that I ended up dropping my bundle to Kate over the phone.
This issue of having a possible Day 4 or Day 6 transfer has been preying on my mind and I've been feeling annoyed that my EPU was scheduled for a time (unbeknown to me) that would conflict with having a Day 5 transfer. No-one told me that the place wasn't open on a Sunday (and fair enough, everyone deserves time off....of course they do) and I've been slowly working myself up into an agitated state over the thought of being forced to do a Day 4 transfer at Morula stage which is less than ideal (according to my research, if they're not at the Compacting stage when they're transferred, they have a slim to no chance of implanting, not only that, they can't be graded etc either) or having them sit in the petri dish until Day 6 which they may not like considering in the natural course of things, they should be in utero on Day 5.
When I was explaining these concerns to Kate, it all became too much and I got a bit narky with her questioning why my EPU wasn't sheduled for the day before or after (with the 5 Day transfer in mind) and when I apologised for being upset and explained the stress and anxiety were getting the better of me...she said "it's ok, I understand"...Well, that was it, I went over the edge, burst into tears and replied that "no you don't understand. Everything is riding on this for DP and myself. We are not one of your clients who can say "if this cycle doesn't work, that's ok because we'll just start on the next one"...DP and I have virtually bankrupted ourselves to do this....we have no savings left and there is no "next time" for us"....blubber, blubber, cry, cry.......you get the idea....Of course, now I feel like a real biatch, but I just couldn't control myself which is not like me at all.
Kate was good about it and explained that I just have to trust WDA and the Embryologist to do what's right for our embryo's and that it's a day by day process and no decisions are going to be made in advance, it's an if and when required sort of situation. Probably just as well, as due to the enormous stress that I'm feeling right now and the anxiety I'm having a losing battle controlling, it's of no surprise that my instincts have totally failed me in regards of when to transfer. All I do know is that should all 3 survive to transfer, then I'm having all 3 put back. I feel very sure of that decision, but that's it. Other than that, my emotional state (compounded by the heavy load of hormone's that are being shoved in and up me everyday) is just making matters worse.
So, girls, that's where we're at today. I know I need to find a way to dial all this angst inside of me down because all this stress can't be good for my "internal's" and should we make it to transfer, I want things as calm as possible both internally and externally. Am tempted to throw down a few of the valiums I've been prescribed for ET just so I can calm down and maybe get some sleep!!!!
Apologise for the "me" post girls, it's just that I have really no-one else to share this with (besides my BFF) and DP is working so hard at the moment doing o/time morning and night to pay for all this (he's the main breadwinner and earns more than I do as I don't work f/time at the moment) so I'm trying to minimise his stress and protect him from the worst of my emotional state.
I'm so hoping you're feeling better Mrs P......and Domiffy girl, you're definately on the right track with your mindset....need to take a leaf out of your book and get an attitude adjustment of my own!!!!! Am thinking of you and hoping that your little one's have snuggled right in and will let you know some way, some how!!!! I'm just so grateful to have both you lovely ladies to share this cycle with and I appreciate all your advice, encouragement, good wishes, etc. It's what's been keeping me sane this whole cycle so far!!!!
So here's today's rations of for us all!!!! Back tomorrow to give you both the low-down. Until then, take care and know you're in my thoughts
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 06-06-2013 at 14:35.
06-06-2013 16:45 #65Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Hey there Blonde
Wonderful news on your 3 little troopers Woo hooooooing and !! They are right on track and will be lovely little 3 dayers tomorrow. I am so very happy for you . I am really sorry you are having such a hard time with the timing of the transfer – it’s awful when you get a curveball that you just aren’t expecting like that – and all the hormones and no sleep only make everything seem that much worse I have read of many many many positive stories of bubs born from 2,3, 4 and 6 day transfers so please don’t lose heart those little guys need you to believe in them (ha ha I’m one to talk!). I’m glad you’ve made the decision on transferring 3, that is a least one less thing weighing on your mind, and had I had the opportunity I would have done the same.
I am sure Kate is used to regular meltdowns so I hope you don’t regret saying anything as it is only by letting those guys know your thoughts that they can tweak their processes and make sure that ladies are made fully aware that if you have EPU on a Tuesday there cannot be a 5 day transfer… But as Kate has suggested all you can do now is put your faith in FS and the embryologist to make the best decision for you and your embryos and there is no doubt in my mind that they will do that.
I hope you can find some way of dialling down the anxiety but I know from past experience that it is much easier said than done. All I can suggest is try to distract yourself, a warm bath, meditation (there are lots of free relaxation meditations on Itunes – I quite like Lita Stone - and Youtube, I gave them a flogging during stims), exercise (I’m missing my yoga at the mo as I stop during during the TWW), the occasional glass of wine (not once PUPO of course – although WDA does recommend washing down your post transfer valiums with a wine) and if you are really desperate go to your GP and have a chat and maybe they can prescribe you something so that you can get some sleep. I am a 7-8 hours a night girl and really struggle to keep my head together without enough zzzzz in my system – I know this is going to be a major challenge for me when/if I ever have a newborn…
The financial side of things is so shi$$y. Having to come up with the whole upfront payment at once is such a struggle and a barrier, and it has delayed our treatments in the past for several months which really sux when you are up against the tick tock of the bio clock and every month you wait makes you feel like motherhood is slipping further away …
Don’t ever apologise for ‘me’ posts – this can be such a lonely and difficult journey and it makes such a difference having a safe place to let it all out. This is the first cycle I have really posted about my experiences as I am usually one to keep things pretty close to my chest but I can honestly say that sharing with you and Mrs P and receiving so much wonderful support has meant the world to me and has also helped to put me in a better head space .. My heart goes out to those women who had to travel the IVF road pre-internet forum as I do not know how I would have coped without BH. Good friends will do their best to be supportive, empathetic and say the right things but if they have never had to experience IVF and infertility they can only offer so much plus I don't want to freak them out too much with my crazy lady IVF rants… DP is wonderful I go on and on and on to him about every little IVF detail and he tries his best not to let his eyes glaze over and say/do all the right things. But I also totally understand the need to protect them from your emotional state - as my DP is main breadwinner and feels at times the whole weight of our future is resting on his shoulders financially. He is my partner in this emotional journey and he needs support as much as I do.
You know I’m thinking of you and sending lots of good stuff your way along with a big helping of chillaxation… Till tomorrow my dear.
AFM… just another day staying busy and counting down the days… Final BT is not till Friday week – a world away.
Last edited by Domiffy; 06-06-2013 at 17:23.
06-06-2013 20:04 #66
BinB, - I am so happy that your 3 amigos are powering along. And here is a big cheer to egg them on, (excuse the pun).
I'm so sorry that you won't be able to do a 5 day transfer. Your meltdown is totally understandable, and I'm sure Kate will think the same thing. Can you imagine being the minder for multitudes of mega hormonal women on copious amounts of drugs ... LOL, Meltdowns would be water off a ducks back for her. So don't worry. . Oh, and just for info, my 3 amigos, (aka DS), were a 3 day transfer .
Domi, - Only just over a week to go, Yay... Ahg, it sounds like forever for you, Im sure. I hope you are still finding great ways to help pass the time, and I still have everything crossed for a bfp for you both .
AFM, - cough, cough, cough! Still trying to shake this cold. DH will be away for work for 9 days as of tomorrow . This will be how it is for the next few months, so I hope we will be able to manage a cycle next month.
07-06-2013 09:53 #67
Hi Domiffy and Mrs P................
Just a super quick post to give you the latest Our 3 little one's have made it through another day and now we've got 2x 8cells and the other one lagging behind a bit at 5 cells. One of the 8 cells has picked up a grade and is now a Grade 4, the other one is still at a Grade 3 and the little lagger is still sitting at a Grade 2.....Am starting to feel a bit better about things and a little more encouraged,(didn't hurt me chugging down 2 Valium's last night either and getting some decent shut-eye for a change!!) although I know we're no-where near out of the woods yet.....
Kate told me I need to call the labs first thing in the morning and speak to the Embryologist, get an embryo update, then ph WDA's rooms and speak to him about what he wants to do. I also have to tell the Embryologist I want all 3 embryo's transferred (should they survive) and I'll reiterate that with WDA just in case he's forgotten Kate gave me a tentative time for transfer tomorrow and one for Monday too. I also took the opportunity while I was on the phone with her to apologise yet again for yesterday's meltdown and she was so gracious about it all and told me "don't worry about it" I told her I ended up downing 2 Valium's last night and she laughed her head off!!!
Ok, gotta go for now. Am expecting my BFF to arrive any tick of the clock to spend the day with me. Can't wait, she's great entertainment and such a wonderful friend....am very blessed to have her. I've known her since we were at high school together, so we go way back. Am hoping you're both travelling along well and that you're feeling better Mrs P....???
Domiffy girl, will post again to talk to you more indepth about your post yesterday. Suffice to say, like you, this is the first time I've chosen to post about my cycle and am usually just lurking around the threads. I, too, play my cards close to my chest and find it hard to let others in especially on such a personal issue like this. Will discuss more later.....Am thinking of you girl, as always....
It's Friday time!!!!!!!
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 07-06-2013 at 10:11.
07-06-2013 13:24 #68
Hi Domiffy and Mrs P......
My get together with my BFF was cancelled at the last minute as she had a family emergency to attend to (nothing too serious thankfully). Anyhoo.....I've just got off the phone after having an interesting conversation with my previous FS's scientist (who I saw at EPU when he gave me an interim report on my eggs). I'm still in touch with one of the admin ladies there and have been e-mailing and calling her with regular updates of my progress and she's been forwarding my email's to my "old mate" scientist. Anyhoo, I rang her today and organised for her to get him to call me as I wanted an unbiased opinion on when to transfer and I trust him and knew he'd give it to me straight, so talked to him "off the record"....and this is what he said.....
- Blastocyst is a selection technique when there is a good cohort of embryo's available so that they can decide on the best embryo(s) to transfer and/or freeze. Because we already know what embryo's we are transferring, there is no need to select in our case.
- He believes our embryo's should be transferred tomorrow as the solution that is currently being used doesn't contain cytokines and that the embryo's would be better off inside me where they can be exposed to the cytokines in my body earlier. Apparently there is a company that's created a solution that does contain cytokines, but that company is currently awaiting TGA approval before it can be marketed and used broadly.
- The pregnancy rate for Day 4 transfers are slightly lower than for Day 5 but slightly higher than for Day 2 or 3. There is a FS down here who operates out of the same hospital that WDA does who routinely does Day 4 transfers and has good pregnancy rates.
- The reason that Day 4 transfers aren't usually routinely done is because when they're at the compacting stage, they can't be graded etc and therefore, it's too difficult to try to select which one's would be the best for transfer. As this doesn't apply to us, there's no issue in having them transferred then.
- He said if I was his partner, he would not of wanted me to have a Day 3 transfer today as he would of wanted to give the embryo's that extra day to grow and that he'd want me to be having the embryo's transferred tomorrow providing they were at the 11-12 cell stage. If they're compacting, it's even better, but because they are going to be placed into a different solution today, they may not have reached compaction by the morning which is ok. As long as they are at the 11-12 cell stage then go for it
- Not much study has been done on Day 4 transfers, but a lot of it is biased by individuals wanting to prove/push their own particular agenda.
- It would still be ok to have a Day 6 transfer, but he can see no point in waiting as I'm having them all transferred anyway but he knows the train of thought WDA's subscribes to and feels I may encounter some resistance from him tomorrow if I am insistent on having our embryo's transferred but he told me what to say to him about that
- He said he's seen many, many babies born who started out at the Morula stage (and many who weren't even at that stage) and at the end of the day, if an embryo "has what it takes", it's going to stick no matter what day it's transferred, whether it be Day 2,3,4,5 or 6
Ok, I can see yet another sleepless night ahead for me with even more on my mind to brood over!!! Will be back on BH later tonight to check for any replies from you girls. Again, apologies for the "me" post.......but I really do need all the help I can get at this point in time!!!!
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 07-06-2013 at 13:38.
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07-06-2013 13:36 #69
BinB, - Wonderful news that your 3 are doing well. It's always encouraging to hear that one has improved. My old clinic didn't use a numbered grading system with their patients. Just gave cell numbers and amount of fragmentation. I hope your little slow poke catches up tomorrow too, for some added piece of mind.
Glad you are feeling better after your valium. Nothing beats a good night sleep, does it. now you can enjoy spending the day with your friend, rather than nodding off on her.
Domiffy, - How are you feeling? Has all that "support" been getting to you yet? I know I would feel pretty good until a few days before testing, then I would feel like poo with all the crinone etc. But this protocol is something else.
Next friday can't come quick enough can it! Keeping everything crossed for you hon ... I'm guessing you wont be POAS earlier due to your boosters and all.
Well, much of the same for me today.
07-06-2013 13:49 #70
BinB, - My first thought would be to go for tomorrow, day 4. But I'll have a think about it, and get back to you tonight.
Good luck in making up your mind . I feel for you, because I know you will not fully make your mind up until you speak with WDA tomorrow. i hope you can manage to sleep O.K.
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