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  1. #121
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    I just want to say, that terminating or wanting to terminate a healthy baby isnt the norm among people who suffer from gender disappointment. I hate that they tend to all get lumped together, gender disappointment isnt about not wanting the baby your carrying, its about mourning the son or daughter you might never have - thats how it was for me anyhow. Not once have I ever been anything but glad that my belly babe was healthy regardless of his gender. I have mourned the fact that I will never have a daughter and dealt with my sadness over that but it is in no way connected to my precious 3rd son whom im carrying. I have also stuggled with long term TTC and have suffered a m/c. My GD doesn't make me a bad person.

    I feel this is a much more extreme issue than just regular gender disappointment. This isnt the way most people who suffer from it feel in my experience.

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  3. #122
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    Did anyone see "meet the midwives" last night, about a woman who was so devasated to be preg with number 9 (couldn't afford the 8 they already had) that she risked her life with an illegal and unsafe abortion. Truely made me so glad that we have access to safe procedures here.

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  5. #123
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    As someone who is against abortion, i find it quite interesting that ones that are pro choice are saying this is wrong.

    Why is this reason not ok as opposed to " i wasnt ready" ," it was a one night stand", " i want to party im too young to settle down ", " i cant afford it" " i want to establish my career" etc etc???

    You are either pro choice or ur not imo otherwise its hypocritical. All the babies in these scenarios have the right to life just like that poor little girl.

    I think this story is just disgusting. I have no words that ill repeat to describe people that would do this.

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  6. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    As someone who is against abortion, i find it quite interesting that ones that are pro choice are saying this is wrong.

    Why is this reason not ok as opposed to " i wasnt ready" ," it was a one night stand", " i want to party im too young to settle down ", " i cant afford it" " i want to establish my career" etc etc???

    You are either pro choice or ur not imo otherwise its hypocritical. All the babies in these scenarios have the right to life just like that poor little girl.
    For me terminating based on sex alone means it was a planned & wanted baby unlike the scenarios you mentioned. They wanted a baby they just wanted a boy. Having a termination due to a one night stand IMO is in a different category a) you may not know or be able to contact the fob b) it was completely unplanned.
    Last edited by sandy cheeks; 29-04-2013 at 06:20.

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  8. #125
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    I said I am pro choice and would defend a persons right to get a termination, I will defend their right to choose what they do with their body. There is a difference in being pro choice and pro abortion. I defends someones right to choose, it doesn't mean I have to agree with why.

    Lets not forget that when you lose choice over your body, it can swing both ways, just like in rural CHina, where the authorities carry out late term abortions unwanted abortions on women when they find out they have more than one child.

    So I say, you can't have it both ways, either you can choose to keep your baby for whatever reason, or you give up your rights to choose for yourself either way.

    And no, it is not hyprocritical in any way.

    And lets face it, everyone on here who believes termination is wrong for any reason, is saying that basically a fetus trumps the mother and that they are more important. Lets stop being all high and mighty about it please.


    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    As someone who is against
    quite interesting that ones that are pro choice are saying this is wrong.

    Why is this reason not ok as opposed to " i wasnt ready" ," it was a one night stand", " i want to party im too young to settle down ", " i cant afford it" " i want to establish my career" etc etc???

    You are either pro choice or ur not imo otherwise its hypocritical. All the babies in these scenarios have the right to life just like that poor little girl.

    I think this story is just disgusting. I have no words that ill repeat to describe people that would do this.

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  10. #126
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    To me it's not about why. Though some of the whys I don't and would never do r fully understand IE aborting due to baby's gender. It's still that's woman's body and her life and its not my right to tell her what she can and can't do with it.

    Do I think aborting due to being pregnant with the not preferred gender is ideal or perfect or ok? No and I wouldn't do so myself.

    But it's her body and therefore it's a choice only she can make for herself.

    I think te minute we start saying no to safe aborting practises or making stipulations on who can abort for what reasons more people will abort very unsafely and that is something I don't want to see


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  12. #127
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    Exactly what beebs said. I can be pro choice and think this is disgusting at the same time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    As someone who is against abortion, i find it quite interesting that ones that are pro choice are saying this is wrong.

    Why is this reason not ok as opposed to " i wasnt ready" ," it was a one night stand", " i want to party im too young to settle down ", " i cant afford it" " i want to establish my career" etc etc???

    You are either pro choice or ur not imo otherwise its hypocritical. All the babies in these scenarios have the right to life just like that poor little girl.

    I think this story is just disgusting. I have no words that ill repeat to describe people that would do this.

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    To answer your question,

    THIS....
    Quote Originally Posted by sandy cheeks View Post
    For me terminating based on sex alone means it was a planned & wanted baby unlike the scenarios you mentioned. They wanted a baby they just wanted a boy. Having a termination due to a one night stand IMO is in a different category a) you may not know or be able to contact the fob b) it was completely unplanned.
    ....also, are these people going to ttc then abort over and over until they get the gender of their choice?

    As I said earlier, I view this as a step in the wrong direction towards gender equality. By allowing gender based abortions (for non medical reasons) is saying 'we accept that you treat females (or males depending on the culture) like sh!t, here let us keep that belief going' :what:
    The better option would be to say 'we understand that, for you, a female (or male) is frowned upon in your culture, but we're going to work with you to show you just how magical this little girl is, the things she can achieve with your support will make you proud. We will stand by your side and we will end this cycle'.

  15. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I said I am pro choice and would defend a persons right to get a termination, I will defend their right to choose what they do with their body. There is a difference in being pro choice and pro abortion. I defends someones right to choose, it doesn't mean I have to agree with why.
    I had considered myself pro choice until now. If being pro choice means I have to defend the right of the woman in this kind of scenario then I can't do that at all.

    This is something new ive learnt about myself

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    As someone who is against abortion, i find it quite interesting that ones that are pro choice are saying this is wrong.

    Why is this reason not ok as opposed to " i wasnt ready" ," it was a one night stand", " i want to party im too young to settle down ", " i cant afford it" " i want to establish my career" etc etc???

    You are either pro choice or ur not imo otherwise its hypocritical. All the babies in these scenarios have the right to life just like that poor little girl.

    I think this story is just disgusting. I have no words that ill repeat to describe people that would do this.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Supporting a women's right to choose does not mean you agree with all the reasons. There are many things in life that one supports but doesn't mean they would make that choice for themselves.

    I said before, do not lump all women into a category. Making their reasons sound petty and assume they took 'the easy way out' is quite cruel. They're reasons are very real to them and many feel that they have no choice. It is an incredibly scary decision.

    The only full proof way to stop an unwanted pregnancy is to abstain from sex, because birth control can fail. There was a stat that even if every person used birth control there would still be 6 million abortions every year.

    To terminate based on gender to me suggests that you are trying for a baby, getting pregnant intentionally with the full knowledge that it is a lucky dip, a 50/50 chance in getting a boy or girl. That is very different from getting pregnant unintentionally, for various reasons.

    I agree with Beebs, you cannot take away one's right to choose but not others. But that doesn't mean I don't find this particular reason abhorrent.

    Sonja's post: wow. Thank you for opening my eyes to what it may be like for somebody in a cultural position, that's truly sad and scary.

    I can't remember who posted about gender disappointment above, but I think cases like this, somebody going as far as terminating based on gender goes way beyond just gender disappointment, a different kettle of fish than somebody mourning the fact that they will never have a son or daughter.

    This has happened for a non-cultural reason before. A few years ago it was in the news that a couple became pregnant with twins boys via IVF and decided to terminate because they already had 3(?) boys and wanted a girl. They were going to court fighting for the right to gender select their next IVF baby.

    My experience with termination hasn't made me more or less pro-life or pro-choice, it's made me just want to prevent unwanted pregnancies, preventing unwanted pregnancies is the only real way to prevent terminations. I would love to see birth control made more and more easy to access and girls and boys to be fully educated about what happens in a female body (ie how long sperm can live in a girl, etc. you really don't learn a lot of this stuff until you're TTC!). Obviously abstinence is the best policy but also doesn't always work as young people make mistakes (ie they should be on BC for when those mistakes are made).

    I do think it is probably incredibly rare that a termination is preformed after 12 weeks for reasons other than medical.

    Maybe if you are terminating based on gender selection then therapy should be involved (for both parents) to really get to the core of this thinking and determine if any headway could be made in the belief that one gender isn't worthy.
    Last edited by Kirst33; 29-04-2013 at 07:30.


 

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