Yep I judge! No doubt about it.
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24-04-2013 19:16 #131Senior Member
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24-04-2013 19:19 #132
24-04-2013 19:33 #133-
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
I haven't read through all the posts, but I do. I would never say anything though.
In general I don't like smoking, for various reasons but main ones would be watching my grandma die slowly of emphysema and my other grandma have a severe heart attack and heart problems from second hand smoke. After her first heart attack her doctor told her she had to stop smoking because her lungs were black, she never smoked a day in her life, her partner was a chain smoker.
After you loose a baby it's hard not to look down on somebody who is pregnant doing something that has been proven detrimental to their pregnancy. I also have a feeling now of nothing is worth it. I was laid back with my last pregnancy, a slice of Brie, a glass of wine at a celebration, rare but I did it. To me now, none of that stuff is worth it. That piece of cheese or glass of wine was not worth the feelings of guilt and worry that it was my fault that my baby died.
I understand Beebs point that people can't stop doing things because of somebody else's loss or infertility. But it's very hard not to judge somebody doing something that is proven so harmful to their baby when you would do anything to have your baby back. It turns into a thought of 'why do they get to keep their baby and I didn't?'
Also, unfortunately no one will understand these thoughts of nothing being worth it until they suffer a loss or have trouble conceiving.
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24-04-2013 19:34 #134
I don't find that strange that I'm not compassionate towards those that do because I find it pretty simple suck it up for your unborn baby.
If the health of your baby isn't foremost then I just don't get it! It's absolutely the best way to quit weather it is permanent or not, it gives you drive and determination when you know you have a being grown inside you that depends on what you put into your body.
And I agree with others I don't get why pregnant women smoke in public.
Out the front of supermarkets , walking down the street, at a park!!! Really!?
And I'm the same with that in regards to smokers who aren't pregnant .
I'm a private smoker, no one else needs to be sucking up my bad habit.
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Gracie's Mum (24-04-2013)
24-04-2013 19:39 #135
24-04-2013 19:42 #136
24-04-2013 19:48 #137
I try not to judge the woman on a personal level. I really wish every woman could quit smoking for the health of her baby but unfortunately that simply isn't always realistic.
Smoking is an addiction. And a hard one to quit. Anyone who has smoked and quit knows how blardy hard it is to quit (especially if you smoke a lot). I did manage to quit smoking when I was pregnant, doesn't make me any better than someone who doesn't just lucky that I could manage it. It also doesn't mean I care about my baby more than someone who simply can't quit while they were pregnant.
24-04-2013 19:51 #138
Yes I do judge them.I am a smoker myself...its a **** habit to have. My 1st pregnancy I was 21 and my Mum smoked and told me it wasn't too bad,we all survived.My 2nd I sucked it up and got my **** together and prob had a cig every 6 weeks.I have a friend who smokes a pack a day while preg and I don't agree......its too much esp as she keeps telling me the midwives are saying she might have an early baby AGAIN.wonder why???? Im not perfect,I couldn't kick it completely when I was preg,I STILL CANT! I hate those who have never smoked and think its sooooooo easy.
24-04-2013 20:22 #139
Like I have said previously I am a former smoker and did smoke with my first 2 children but it was 1-2 smokes a day at the most. Does that mean I love my children less then a mother who managed to quit completely? No it doesn't. I have also lost 3 babies but I don't look at people who don't look after themselves and judge them, right after I lost my 3rd baby my sister fell pregnant and smoked as normal (up to 15 a day) I didn't resent her in any way or begrudge her what she had because she loves that baby just the same as I loved mine in the end that is all that should matter. In the end as long as parents shower their children with love, kindness and is not abusive then someone's personal choices is no ones business.
24-04-2013 20:27 #140
I also asked a dear friend of mine who has also lost multiple babies and had failed ivf attempts and is still fighting to have a baby what her point of view is on the subject and she said "Your belly your business"
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