I was the same till a few of us Perth people organised a coffee meet up at a local cafe. Was terrified but I went and from memory 6 people turned up...then we made another one and other one and now 3 of those ladies I would consider good friends. Had coffee with them again just last week.
I have anxiety issues so taking that first step is HARD but its worth it in the end. Everyone needs someone
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23-04-2013 09:37 #11
23-04-2013 09:42 #12
Becoming a mother for the first time was one of the most isolating experiences I've been through. I did have an amazing mother's group and was so thankful I did. I wouldn't have survived that first year.
We moved interstate when I was pregnant with #3 and I had to start all over again. In the end playgroup was the only way I found friends for my then 2 year old (and myself) and then through DD1's school. It's so difficult when you have one child and they are still little. It is just such a lonely time. I had friends in Melbourne who had heaps of family around and other friends with children and I was so jealous. I had been a workaholic whose only interest was work and once I wasn't working I felt lost.
It really took me years to get used to being at home with kids. Bubhub is wonderful though as it can be my only outlet some days. A few of us in Perth are also trying to organise a get together - I'm tired all the time but I know it's something I need to do.
I wish I had a magic formula to make the loneliness go away, but it's like London said sometimes you just have to get out there.
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23-04-2013 09:45 #13
I know it won't help right now, but ask your mchn to put you in a mothers group for your new bub, they usually don't include second time mums but i know lots of people who joined because they missed out first time around.
23-04-2013 10:25 #14
I'm not a mum yet sugarskull (expecting in July), but I know what its like to feel lonely. It is the WORST feeling!
One great avenue I found was free groups to join through a site called meetup. There were walking groups, play groups, bush walking, different lifestyle or interest groups, etc. It's a great free way to meet people. And even if you don't make friends in all of those groups, sometimes it can help just to be out of the house and interacting with people.
If I lived in Sydney I'd be your friend IRL!
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23-04-2013 10:28 #15
When is your baby due?
23-04-2013 11:20 #16
Sugarskull, my dh's job often has us moving interstate and the first time we moved I had our first child and never felt so lonely in all my life as I had zero friends and family. I remember needing to change my baby and went into a parents room of a popular city mall and all these Mums were coming in and out and all I wanted to do was ask them were they as lonely as me . As for playgroups I didn't even know 'how to find' a playgroup, much less join one so in order to stop depression creeping in I would hang around places where there were lot's of people around me. The world didn't seem as lonely when I was sitting in a busy shopping centre cafe just watching the world go by. I would ring my sister and she would tell me 'wait till the kids start school' and then you'll meet Mums and that just seemed to compound the loneliness and isolation as school was a long way off. (for the record, I have a school aged child and still don't have school Mum friends lol!).
Things got better when I went to the local Child health Nurse and she asked me did I have a good support network and when I said I didn't she implored me to join 'new mothers baby group' being held there. My baby was now 8 months old and I didn't think I would feel welcome or that I would look seriously out of place with my 8 month old and their newborns. However, I will forever be grateful for that nurse as even though I felt like a fish out of water initially, the Mums in the group would ask me questions about what to expect with their babies as mine was that bit older and from then on we all sort of made ourselves an informal 'mothers group'. We didn't meet often, but when we did it gave me the boost that I needed and I met some awesome new friends and have kept in contact with even though I no longer live there.
Of course, 3 years later we were on the move again and I got to meet some beautiful souls that were in my DIG on here who will be lifelong friends and joined a playgroup which I never thought I would. We have moved again and this time I am not a part of any groups/playgroups etc, but eventually I will get there. So, my advice if you don't feel you can join a playgroup, is to try and get yourself out and about, even if (like I used to) just sitting with your baby/kids in a cafe or sitting in the library, anything to take away that feeling of isolation and loneliness even if it's for a few hours can do the world of good.
Last edited by Mod-Uniquey; 23-04-2013 at 11:24.
23-04-2013 11:53 #17
23-04-2013 11:57 #18
Thank you Uniquey.. Beautiful advice. I need to push myself and just sit at a cafe or something. It's so freaking hard.
It must be so hard on you moving from state to state. Havin to start all over again wouldn't be easy.
I do need to try find a mothers group.. I'm going to join one once the next bubba comes along. I have to this time. I'm even considering another antenatal class just so I can meet other pregnant mums.
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23-04-2013 12:29 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
i feel the same and have felt the same for a long time. I had to do something about it, i was becoming seriously depressed and not enjoying being a mum, so i bit the bullet and reaserched the closest playgroup, joined our local library in which i also found out do a toddler/babies session (read books, sing songs sorta thing) my dd loves it and it's sooo good for her social interaction as i have no friends to do the play date thing. We go swimming on weekends when dh is home to help and we get out to the park (have to drive to ours) almost every arvo for an hour.
Im now looking into music classes mentioned by some mums in my playgroup. Some of them also do gymbaroo sessions.
It's daunting going out of your comfort zone, i understand your anxiousness. You need to also think of you're children - get them busy and are they just as bored and lonley as you?
Once you start getting involved with outside activities for your kids, you will be suprised at how busy you become.
You will be suprised how normal you start to feel talking to adults again. They dont have to become your friends. To me, the playgroup mum's are just a nice bunch of women i see weekly and chat about home life, babies and stuff. I dont socialise with them outside of playgroup. i do see them around at the shops and we wave and say HI. It's a nice feeling. but you never know, you may form a bond with someone!
Start a short course online for you. Whatever interests you! Get your brain thinking about something different than babies and being lonley. Some cost only $80!
Goodluck, get out there, there is lots more to life! you dont need to live like this and you're not alone feeling like this. Being a mum can be and is FUN!
23-04-2013 12:42 #20
I know how you feel SugarSkull. I'm the same. Most of my friends have disappeared since my DS was born. The very few I do have I barely see because they're traveling, busy going out every weekend & working/studying during the week. I had joined a mothers group when DS was about 6 months old but last year but it kind of disappeared due to people going back to work/study/moving etc. I was thinking of joining the local play group they run in my area but its pretty expensive to go. Sigh, I miss socializing with adults!
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