I have no idea why people think its helpful to respond to birth trauma in that way, if it were that easy it wouldn't be called birth trauma! Trauma being the operative word.
I know it's late in the game but I wonder if it would be possible to seek out counselling before your birth, in order to vent and share your fears in a safe place and perhaps get some helpful coping strategies to manage your fear and anxiety and prepare emotionally for your birth.
Love and luck to you xx
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22-04-2013 14:44 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
Last edited by Mathermy; 22-04-2013 at 14:46.
22-04-2013 14:44 #12
I'm grateful not to have had a traumatic birth, I can only offer hugs and empathy.
I do agree with SuperGranny though (I know what she was trying to say). I would stop voicing your concerns to people who clearly aren't offering you the emotional support you need right now. Only confide in those who care about you and preferably your OB.
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22-04-2013 14:59 #13
22-04-2013 15:05 #14
OP! I don't . Blame you for your fear at all... I had a very similar birthing experience with my second DD, to the point where the hospital are withholding my birth records when my current OB asked for them because of my fears and inability to relay in medical terms what the eff they did to me!
They send my antenatal and my daughters records but nothing about my birth and what happened..
I was left in such a way I could not leave or move from my bed to even pick up my daughter or even move to place a hand on her crib, I had catheters and tubes poking out my hoohah which took them THREE times to get right (3 epidurals after a drug free birth and several hours away from DD) all to drain blood, I had to be washed in bed like a cripple by the midwives with a soapy rag. I had blood clots inside my vagina so big my labia was ballooning and I could feel them pressing against my legs, I then PPH all over the place and required iron transfusions and antibiotics round the clock. That's just my memory... And this isn't including the horrendous pregnancy I had!
I know the obstetrician that delivered got into trouble for the mismanagement as the head of gynaecology told me when she made a special appointment free of charge for my 6 week check up.
So I completely understand your terror!!! If it weren't for this pregnancy being so different to DD's and so much easier I would have thought I was in for round 2! That's the only thing that has kept me positive.
How's this pregnancy been in comparison? Easier?
22-04-2013 15:07 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
No, you are not overreacting. I have heard it all too and it is so unhelpful. I feel that people mean well, it is one of those situations where people think they are saying the right thing, but they just aren't. It minimises what you have been through.
I was very much the same. My first birth was the traumatic birth, and when I was pregnant again the fear just consumed me. It did with the next pregnancy as well. I know I could never have another one, me and births just don't mix. It is late in the game, but I agree with PP, see if you can access the therapist that is attached to the maternity ward at the hospital.
Good luck, you aren't overreacting!!
22-04-2013 15:15 #16
When I was pregnant second time I was terrified of the same outcome. I spoke to my OB at length and he and I together developed a plan to manage post operative infections and minimise the risk of it happening to me again. As I knew I would have to have another caesar I also asked a few trusted friends what they had done to help the recovery.
By doing this I felt I took as much control over the situation as I possibly could. I felt like I had a plan for any eventuality I could think of. I was incredibly calm and I think that also helped my experience.
what I didn't do was waste time speaking to people who didn't "get it". It was the same when my brother died - people are sympathetic but to a point and after that many simply don't know what to say. So they usually end up saying the wrong thing. They want to be helpful but don't know how to be. If you do want to confide in people, maybe say to them at the outset that you just want to vent, you don't expect them to have the answers, you just want to get it off your chest.
I hope you find a way to have some peace over the next 9 or so weeks, and that you can put some plans in place to take control over your upcoming birth.
22-04-2013 15:24 #17
People arent trying to be rude or dismissive, They just don't understand. I suffered from severe depression and anxiety in both of my pregnancies and had lots of "helpful" advice from people that in my opinion should know better such as midwives like "stop worrying because it will harm your baby" or "you have a healthy baby, what are you depressed about". Geez... If only it was THAT easy. I get what Marie is saying though. Instead of expecting people to understand the depth or deliberating nature of my anxiety, I have just become more selective with who I tell and when I encounter dismissive attitudes I remember its from their lack of knowledge not meant to reduce my experiences. X
22-04-2013 15:46 #18
Have you seen a psychologist or counsellor? Maybe your Ob can recommend one that has some idea about birth trauma? Sounds like it could be quite useful ASAP.
My ds stopped breathing 1 minute after he was born and spent 8 days in special care and I was told we would have to wait until he was 5 to have a full assessment to see if he suffered serious brain damage or not as he had brain swelling after the birth. There was no warning that there would be problems with him, so it was all very terrifying.
I was very anxious & scared during my next pregnancy (4 years later), but not to the extent that you are describing. It was hard because most people (including my Mum) had forgotten a lot of the details of our ds's traumatic birth (thankfully he had no brain damage). My dh & I were SO relieved when our dd was born. The fact that she had a broken collar bone was so minor as she was otherwise perfect and didn't need to go to special care at all!
I hope you can get some extra support as your birth approaches and I hope it all goes smoothly.
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