If one more person tells me to "get over" my fear of giving birth or to just "focus on the positive" I may just lose the plot entirely.
I am 32 weeks pregnant with #3. At 38w with #2 I suffered a placental abruption and had an extremely scary, mismanaged dangerous delivery that resulted in a PPH, me almost stopping breathing when I was in labour, and giving birth to DS2 whilst he was posterior and brow presentation, causing 2nd and 3rd degree tears.
I am utterly terrified of giving birth. So much so that I cant even focus on holding my baby in my arms anytime in the near future because that means I have to go through it all again.
And anyone I open up to about my fears either makes a smart a$$ comment like "well its too late now you have to do it" or they tell me that it doesnt matter because DS2 and I were ok in the end, so how he got here doesnt matter - we both could have died from what we went through, I dont think its unreasonable for me to feel afraid!
I am just so tired of being made to feel like I am being stupid for worrying or that I am over reacting.
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22-04-2013 12:21 #1
Stop telling me to get over it!
22-04-2013 12:33 #2
What a horrible thing to say!!
I suffered a full placental abruption as well, and being completely terrified of birth (or even pregnancy!) afterwards is totally understandable.
I hope everything goes smoothly for you and that everyone involved in the birth is particularly mindful of your previous experience xx
22-04-2013 12:35 #3
I agree with pp, is this something you can discuss with your OB?
Perhaps putting together a really clear birth plan that addresses the issues you have been through previously will help you feel confident that they will not be allowed to occur again?
In regards to those who are dismissing your feelings and fears, perhaps you should let rip at them....maybe then they will "get" how stressed this is making you feel 😉
22-04-2013 12:36 #4
Sending big hugs, I went through the same thing, with DD I had a scary birth I won't go into details but we are both lucky to be alive, with DS1 he was premature so I was terrified he wouldn't make it and lucky I had a good surgeon for my csection because I nearly bled out. My next 2 pregnancies I miscarried 3 babies, so I was extremely nervous when I had DS2 especially since I developed cholestasis and had to prepare for the very real possibility that both me and bub would bleed out. Yet every time I tried to talk to someone they either said "you are worrying for nothing" or "don't be so dramatic" in the end I lost it on DH and told him to shut up and let me talk about my fears and try be supportive. I think people find it hard because they can't imagine anything bad happening because it hurts them to much. Feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk about your fears, I will let you vent it all out.
22-04-2013 12:44 #5
hi peanutmonkey, have you booked a c-section delivery? that way when anyone makes a comment, you can just say, bub will be born on this date, and all will be well. I wont say you are foolish for worry, I can understand, but I will say that 'worry ' is a waste of energy. You cant help how you are feeling, but you can stop sharing that feeling with everyone. Only speak to those who will support you. Good luck, Marie.
22-04-2013 13:24 #6
22-04-2013 13:38 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
huge hugs, take one day at a time i guess and try not to listen to anyone. a bit hard i know. i wish u all the very best with this birth and hope its a much better experience.
22-04-2013 13:58 #8
I agree with PPs suggestion to (try) to just talk/listen to people who are actually supportive. I am gobsmacked that you're getting those comments but can only guess that perhaps discussing it makes them feel uncomfortable (a bit like how hard it is to know what to say when someone dies) or just simply because they cannot even fathom what you went through as it is just so far from their own experiences in life.
I think it's very reasonable that the idea of birth is making you very stressed. While I had an emergency CS due to fetal distress, I don't consider my birth to have been overly traumatic. Yet, also at 32 weeks, I'm having to really start facing the reality that I am going to have to get this baby out somehow and even I, without past significant trauma, usually think "Oh, sh!t" and would probably be tempted to punch someone if they commented "too late to back out now".
22-04-2013 14:00 #9
hi, i was feeling my post might be taken as abrupt, I didnt mean any offence. I was trying to suggest ways for peanutmonkey to deal with others, not to tell her I thought her feelings were invalid or anything. I thought if she was not dwelling on the past, and not sharing her bad expeirence with people who just dont matter, she would be able to manage the stress better. I understand how terrible her last birth was, and I wanted to guide her to ways of dealing with it so it becomes less of a shadow over this next birth. Sorry if I have upset anyone, and sorry if I have upset peanutmonkey, hugs, Marie.
22-04-2013 14:34 #10
Hun, you have every right to be afraid and worried! It is not something you can just switch off because someone tells you to. I even had my counsellor tell me to "just get over it", yeah great job she did!
My advice is to try to find comforting and supportive people who will listen to your concerns and understand your feelings. They are hard to come by but even if these people are in the online world on here, at least you will have some virtual ears to listen to you.
Also, try to have as much control over this birth as possible. Write a birth plan, book in for a c-section if you feel that would help, organise positive support people, etc. That way hopefully you will feel a bit less anxious about it.
Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat
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