FOB and I had a verbal agreement which was twice a week, plus RDOs (FOB gets 2 per mth additional). He kept missing the midweek visit (showed up for 1 of 4) so about 3 wks ago I just said I'm not making DD available for him at that time anymore and we'd have to sort something else out - he said he'd rather not have the extra visit.. Last wk I realised he hasnt had DD on an RDO for 5 wks, when I brought it up, he immediately got defensive and said he doesnt want her then either as he needs the time to himself! So we have gone from 10 visits a mth to 4, because he cant be bothered. On top of that he never actually showed up for the agreed visit yesterday, no phone call or msg, just didnt show. Needless to say I'm fuming, but what can I do? I have my first mediation appt in 2 wks, but what can I do in between that time? Can I cancel visitation until we attend mediation given we have no parenting orders? FOB is of the impression I have no choice but to work to his schedule when it suits him and theres nothing I can do..
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22-04-2013 08:32 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
Visitation without court
22-04-2013 08:48 #2
Until mediation I would just go with what he wants, record all the days you had previously agreed on in a diary but then tick or comment next to the ones he actually shows up. Write the pick up/ drop off times, all the no shows without letting you know etc. It will look better for you being flexible when he hasn't bothered to keep to your verbal agreement. Then when you go to mediation you request what you would like.
My dd's father went from seeing her 3 times a week to now having dinner with her once a month. All because his gf doesn't like the fact he has a daughter. Like you it used to frustrate me and I would be really upset. But in all honesty I would rather her be here with me then with him anyway because if he wanted to see her he would make it work!
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22-04-2013 08:55 #3
Until visitation record all the time he does and doesnt see your child and just let him see her whenever he wants (which isnt much anyway) It will show the visitation opportunities he willingly gives up. If he only wants 4 visits per month then so be it, his loss. But i would put in the parenting plan he has to contact you (msg/email so its in writing) if he cant have her and it has to be in advance.
Last edited by Bennos Mummy; 22-04-2013 at 10:13.
22-04-2013 09:12 #4
Yeah even though he's being extremely selfish don't cut visitation off prior to mediation.
I've done mediation and the ex tried to make me look like a B but luckily I had never stopped him seeing DD so his accusations made him look like a fool.
Sit tight until mediation. Keep a record of his contact. That way when you go to mediation your reasoning behind the visitation schedule you're proposing will be validated.
it's not an easy time.
22-04-2013 10:25 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
Great advice from the previous posters. Can I also add, make all contact regarding DD in writing (text or email) easier to keep records than a phone conversation. If you do speak, jot down the conversation in your diary before you forget details.
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