People split for all sorts of reasons but likewise peoe stay together for all sorts of reasons. I have trouble with the term 'better' because its such an arbitrary term. Family dynamics has nothing to do with whether or not the children came from the same genetics.
ETA I hate it when people assume others have made 'bad choices' simply because a relationship ended... It's very insulting. There's lots of stressers in life that can have a huge impact on individuals. It's life, things change. And also in many situations people show real courage and a true sense of self to walk away from relationships - it doesn't mean children involved will suffer at all. Children can suffer under any type of family situation take it from me!
View Poll Results: Do you feel at all 'better' than those who have different fathers for their children?
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No, not at all
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20-04-2013 06:33 #41
Last edited by Ellewood; 20-04-2013 at 06:38.
20-04-2013 07:46 #42
20-04-2013 07:51 #43Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
My eldest five have a different father (my exhusband) than my youngest two, but I will answer this thread.
When I had just the five children, and someone would start to ask, "are they all yours" and I would begin to feel judged, I would proudly state that they all were from my husband - thus feeling that the expected judgement was invalidated by the fact that I was married and all the children were born into the single marriage.
Then after we had separated, and I would get the same questions, I would still proudly announce that they were from my ex-husband, and thus the product of a marriage.
When I had another child, who had a different father, my feelings would be that I was proud to be able to move on after escaping DV. (I didn't actually say this to people, but I would say something that suggested I was much better off without my ex-h and pleased that he wasn't the father of my youngest.)
I never felt that I was superior to those that were in different circumstances, I just latched onto those reasons to feel pride and deflect judgements from others.
What I am saying is that when I was still married and had five children, whilst I would be proud that I was married and all the children were born into the marriage, that was merely to deflect judgements against me. I didn't judge those in different circumstances who had children to different fathers, or weren't married, or were single parents. (Actually I was jealous of single parents because my marriage was so miserable.)
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20-04-2013 07:55 #44-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I don't feel better than someone just because their kids may have different fathers. Hell someone with 2 different baby daddy could be someone I admire as they are a better person than me.
But when I see a woman, with 3 different baby daddy, who continually has a kid within a short time frame (under a year) and splits with them within a short time frame.... Then yep I do think Im better ... At making choices. I have a friend who has 3 kids to 3 different men and they are gorgeous kids and she's got a great DH now. But hell yeah she made some dumb decisions in her life regarding men.
So I suppose I *may* judge someone, but because of the choices they make rather than the fact their kids have different fathers. If I don't know why their kids have different fathers then I can't judge.
20-04-2013 07:59 #45
I am pleased that my children all have the same father, simply because it means my marriage has been successful (so far!) and that's something I really value. But I don't feel that makes me superior. Fortunate perhaps? But not superior.
20-04-2013 08:06 #46
20-04-2013 08:17 #47
Ya just can't generalise. Not that you were - you were talking z out one specific friend - but I think most people make bad as well as good decisions in different areas of their life.
20-04-2013 08:35 #48
It's one thing to be with someone and make the wrong choice in falling pregnant (planned or not) , then to make that choice again and again.
I think something is going on and they are making bad choices in which I feel I have made better choices.
I do not feel I make better choices than someone who has been in 2-3 serious relationships (meaning 5 plus years) and had children with numerous long term partners.
I did clearly state my opinion, I don't believe their is room for misinterpretation from my 1st comment.
20-04-2013 08:38 #49
20-04-2013 08:46 #50
I agree with this.
I've got a friend who's onto her 4th baby, to a 4th dad and none are in school yet. She's a great mum, lovely girl and a good friend.
I have judged her as having poor choices now, not just in spouses, but in having all these kids in situations that weren't as stable as people should ideally be having kids in. I don't think less of her, but I do question her judgement when it comes to these things, as she's repeating the choice over and over.
I think I get a bit judgey over anyone who repeats bad choices over and over.
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