View Poll Results: Do you feel at all 'better' than those who have different fathers for their children?

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  • Yes, totally

    9 14.06%
  • A little

    10 15.63%
  • No, not at all

    45 70.31%
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  1. #121
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    I come from a low socioeconomic area and have seen women pop out kid after kid (one has 11) all to diff dropkick men and I do pity the kids for their mothers choices. Some in all honesty seem to just keep having them so the money keeps rolling in because they have no job or career prospects and I find that really sad that they think they have no option other than to breed.
    The kids must find it hard too, in one case some fathers see their kids but others cbf'd or don't know can you imagine how you would feel to see your siblings seeing their dads but you don't get to see yours how heartbreaking.
    Making one/two bad choices is one thing but to continually make similar choices over again is just IMO stupid and they are thinking about themselves and not the kids they already have.
    I do feel pity for the kids (in some cases) but I don't think I judge after all I had to get a DNA test to prove dd's paternity. That was the kick in the butt I needed too now I'm educated, have a good job and a mortgage. Sometimes a bad choice can turn into something fantastic you just have to learn from it.
    I don't think a child is a mistake but it can be a product of a bad choice my two are no diff I was young and naive, I thought I knew everything and didn't think of the impact on them I'm lucky their dad is good and his family are fantastic.
    Last edited by sandy cheeks; 25-04-2013 at 08:51.

  2. #122
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    It's interesting how some people get asked if the kids are to the same dad and some don't. My kids have different dads (DS is 6 and DD is 18 months old). I have NEVER been asked. In fact strangers assume they have the same dad, and if I say I'm single they ask "Does their dad help out with the kids?" and stuff like that. They're always surprised if I tell them that they have different dads.

  3. #123
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    Better? No. Better off? Yes.

    Because whether it's admitted to or not, whilst individuals might not judge society certainly does. There wouldn't be a stigma attached to it if society didn't. Being a mother with two children to the same father I don't have to suffer that stigma but I feel sorry for those that do.

    My best friend has two different fathers for her two kids and is currently seeing a man with three kids to a different woman. Her situation is probably exactly the same as most other women with different FOBs (@hole exs) yet I have to admit that if I didn't know her I'd have the knee-jerk "What happened to the first two fathers?" reaction.

    I'm comfortable enough with my own make up to realise that it's completely unfair and I can firmly point my finger at outdated social attitudes for that reaction because I love the woman! She's my BEST friend and we've been there for each other through thick and thin. She's as close to me if not closer than my only sibling. So I know that it's not me judging her, it's me judging her situation.
    Is that an excuse? Hells no. But I feel that being honest with myself and not trying to paint myself as some kind of saint (not saying anyone here is doing that, just looking at it from my own personal angle) who doesn't judge at least means I'm not trying to sweep it under a rug.

    Admitting that society has coloured my reactions to people in certain situations is difficult but at least it means I'm aware of it and can consciously make the attempt to change my thought patterns.

  4. #124
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    No, but I think my life is possibly less complicated in a lot of ways



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  5. #125
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    If only I was fortunate enough to have stayed with the cheating lying, unemployed father of my first child, I'd be able to look down on people too.

    Sadly I wear a scarlet letter instead. For shame.

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  7. #126
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    No I don't think I'm better. I think having kids all to the same dad is logistically EASIER but life doesn't always turn out the way you planned...

    Ds dad is a man I've known all my life ...not a random I met down the pub. And he still crapped on me and I'm left on my own....

    I think there are some ladies on here that may or may not get a very big shock in years to come...they say pride goeth before a fall...

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  9. #127
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    Better. No not really.

    But I do sometimes think some people seem to get together, have a kid and break up so quickly... Then repeat... It makes me wonder if it ever occurred to them to maybe wait until your in a stable relationship before having kids.

  10. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly8329 View Post
    That's fine that's your opinion .
    Mine is different and I am a product of a bad choice and I am the one who has spent 30 years not knowing anything about my father or his family.
    It's not just about a mother being a great parent, luckily my mum made a better choice second and third time and my step dad is amazing.
    The question wasn't just about you though Kelly. Plenty of children have half siblings and loving relationships with both parents. Your mum may have made a bad choice, but that's not true for all people. What about people with children to different fathers whose partners left them? Or their partner passed away? Should people never move on if their other half takes off because it will make them inferior or 'bad decision makers'?

    One of the best choices I ever made not only for myself but also for my baby was leaving his father. If I procreated with my now DP that would mean I have different children to different fathers. I can't see how that would make me a better or worse person, or better or worse at decision making.

    I'm in the happiest family I know. Nobody would know that *shock horror* DP is not my son's biological father.

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  12. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    The question wasn't just about you though Kelly. Plenty of children have half siblings and loving relationships with both parents. Your mum may have made a bad choice, but that's not true for all people. What about people with children to different fathers whose partners left them? Or their partner passed away? Should people never move on if their other half takes off because it will make them inferior or 'bad decision makers'?

    One of the best choices I ever made not only for myself but also for my baby was leaving his father. If I procreated with my now DP that would mean I have different children to different fathers. I can't see how that would make me a better or worse person, or better or worse at decision making.

    I'm in the happiest family I know. Nobody would know that *shock horror* DP is not my son's biological father.
    Thanks but unless you read all the posts I have written then you probably have no idea what I am talking about.
    I said that I do find myself better at making choices when it comes to women who keep falling in and out of love and having babies to numerous men within a short time frame.
    So I don't really need the lecture on people passing away etc I'm not an idiot


    Me -30, DH -30, DS -7, DS -5, DS -2 and UTD with #4 Due Jan 2014

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  14. #130
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    Wait, so the fact that I'm leaving an emotionally abusive and incredibly draining relationship to better my life and my sons life, and that I also have a hereditary condition which leaves me needing to have another child soon if I ever want that opportunity.. Therefore am seeking sperm donation for this reason to hopefully have a second child by the end of next year..
    But the fact that I won't have brought my second baby into an unhappy and abusive world means that I will be judged and not as good as someone else because he/she will only have half of the same parentage as my son?


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