You are not in the wrong and I am glad you left. Stay away.
I don't understand how your DP thinks it is unfair and therefore ok for his family to speak to you in this way
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19-04-2013 18:24 #21
19-04-2013 19:52 #22
Sometimes I think my partner is a "emotionally retarded" (sorry can't think of a pc way right now)
He has issue talking about stuff and dealing with emotions that aren't "manly".
They have been raised to treat females like crap. That feelings are for sissys and that your soft if you show emotion. DF has changed a lot since he moved out of his fathers house and more since I met him.
He has never a stood up to his father or gone against what he says. At the moment DF is in a job he doesn't like but won't leave because his dad wanted him to work there......
19-04-2013 19:54 #23
I've spoken to DFs aunt at a family function and apparently all the boys (except her son) are like that and she hates how they all think it "normal"
19-04-2013 20:13 #24
Your df and his family relationship sound like my df and his mum.
Does fil or bil have a mental illness? I ask this as my mil had borderline personality disorder originally diagnosed as bipolar.
She would say to his face that she should have left him at the hospital, that they got him mixed up at birth "they gave me the afterbirth and kept the baby" I would be offended and he would laugh out off because she always says that and thats just mum.
It took a long long time for him to realise its not a normal relationship. The breaking point was her contacting dhs because I was keeping ds from her. (I wanted to transfer back to my hospital after birth not her local one, 100kms from our home. ) in the end I went straight home, but then because we didn't see her etc she felt she could calls them. She made up accusations, that they found untrue and that ds was a happy healthy secure and safe child. In the end, because she kept in at it trying to get at us, they told her to back off and not call them or contact us (which she rang and said "I'm callubg to say im not allowed to talk to you anymore" it want until I stood my ground and he heard it from dhs that he realise d she wasn't a good person for kids to be around
19-04-2013 20:39 #25
FIL drinks a lot. Like every night. And if he doesn't drink he won't sleep. You could hear him pacing the halls.
Mil isn't around. She will go years without contacting him. His teen years were spent being let down by his mum who was to busy drinking or to slack to make an effort.
N is 13 months and she has seen him twice. Didnt turn up to out engagement party, Didnt turn up to her grandsons Birthday. We went out of our way to invite her. She said she would be there then just does show and always claims she has a migraine or is sick.
DF thinks that she is a hypochondriac. So does FIL.
But that is one theory of theirs that I would believe.
19-04-2013 20:41 #26
You are not in the wrong and your DP needs to wake up, man up and stand up for you. Or in the words of a dude from Zombieland "Its time to nut up or shut up." You did the right thing to protect yourself and your children. I wouldnt stand for that either.
19-04-2013 23:35 #27
Sorry i didnt actually answer your question before!! I dont think you are in the wrong. Your children are too young to be able to protect themselves from negative, abusive and nasty influences like FIL and BIL, and being around alcoholics is certainly not productive for children! Good on you for getting yourself children out of there!
DF/DH is probably a bit hurt that you have moved out of his familys home, and is unable to see it from your perspective because he is probably immune to it, looks over it, and it doesnt affect him, as he has grown to live with it....so doesnt see it as a porblem, which is more than likey why he is saying you are being silly, but that is definately not the case!
Stick to your guns. As hard as it is, and horrible as this may sound as far as DH/DF is concerned, and for your relationship......but his thoughts and feelings are irrelevant when it compromises your children's health, safety and wellbeing.
As much as you dont want too, in a while when things calm down a bit, do you think suggesting to meet in a neutral place with FIL and BIL, and stipulating they cant be derogatory towards you/your children, nor under the influence of alcohol would help?? You would need to stipulate to DF/DH that if they are negative or drunk that you will just leave - WITH The kids...But maybe Somewhere like a park, or play centre cafe??? If they are anything like my MIL they wont agree to it, but it seems to DF/DH that you are trying to help and not just flatly refusing to have contact (as much as it may suck if they agree) you are trying to be the "bigger person" but also protecting your children at the same time.
20-04-2013 00:29 #28-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Sorry but I don't know on what planet a mum with kids and a FIFO husband moving in with the inlaw is a good idea. Adults find it hard to share a house let alone in your specific circumstances. If I shared my house with someone with kids... Or my inlaws. . I would go nuts.
To answer your question you are not being unreasonable. But your DF ... And you... Need to get some balls, live on your own and not rely on the FIL.
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20-04-2013 08:50 #29
We dont live there. As I said I moved out the day after he was rude to us.
We wanted to move closer to Family and it was going to be easier moving in with FIL, then finding a house down here. Then trying to find a house when we lived hours away.
FIL was the one who suggested it all to my partner and FiL was the one who suggested we stay to save some money while we Didnt have to pay as much rent.
We weren't relying on him. We paid rent, we paid our bills, I was the one who cooked and cleaned.
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