How do you cope?
We are thinking of TTC #4- we have 3 daughters of our own, plus we are guardians of my husbands sister who is 16 so that's 4 kids already.
I'm terrified about how my family (mainly my mum and grandad who I'm extremely close to) will react. I know we will cop judgment and criticism left right and centre from them (happened every other time). Anyone else I don't give a toss about, but these 2 people are the ones whose judgement hurts most. I just wish they could at least PRETEND to be happy. Just once. Or at least keep their negative comments to themselves.
My mum even went so far as to tell me after the birth of my third daughter that I am forbidden to have any more children.
I don't want to hear how selfish etc my family is- I know they say it because they are worried, I get that. But how do you deal with judgment for having a large family, especially when the judgment is from those you love most!
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17-04-2013 15:14 #1
Judgement for having a large family
17-04-2013 15:25 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
honestly, it's a pretty strange way to be 'worried'' about you. if they were really worried, wouldn't they be more positive? I don't know why their opinions matter so much, when it's something you really desire. If having another baby is something you want then go for it and who cares what anybody thinks. (easier said than done for you , i understand that..). Don't ever not do anything to please anybody. I personally think the more the merrier, why not! If you think you can handle it, and you sound like you do, then don't worry about their opinions.
17-04-2013 15:31 #3
We have four children. It's true that some people's responses have been less than positive, in a "whoa, are you insane?" kind of way. However it's always clear that's about them and not us; people can't imagine how they would cope with four (or simply wouldn't willingly have four) and it's just this they are expressing.
I can't say I've experienced *judgment* though. What on earth would people be judging us for? Overpopulating the planet is the only thing I can think of
Is there some reason your mother thinks you shouldn't have any more? I'm really puzzled by the response.
17-04-2013 15:37 #4-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I am sorry your family is not more supportive of you and your husbands decision.
If you can provide and care for (emotionally & financially) more children then they are out of line telling you how many children you can/can't have.
On the other hand, if (and I'm not saying you are, I am saying if) you could not provide for the children you have, or if you were not mentally Capable of raising more children, I could understand your love ones concern.
I know others will disagree with me, but if you did happen to suffer from server PND (again, no offence to anyone, I do know mothers who's decision was based on PND) or were neglectful, I could understand someone saying so.
Sorry I hope I haven't offended you, Im sure your a great mum who loves her kiddies to bits.
17-04-2013 15:45 #5
I remember you had some anger issues and other problems not too long ago, could this be the cause of their concern?
17-04-2013 16:23 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
I am sorry for the judgement you are receiving. I totally understand where you are coming from. We have 4 children, aged 2 years-10 years. I'm hoping to have #5. I too receive comments and statements like" wow, 4 kids, are you finished" and " you must be crazy". My parents have said on more than one occasion they hope that's it. Our house is crazy busy,
We are not overly wealthy, we are middle income, we both work, our house is fairly small ,our (2) kids go to a private school, the others will also, but I feel that only you know your limits. If having more children will not impact on your ability or lifestyle you currently share with your children, then who's to judge.
I know if I am lucky enough to have another, a little reorganization might need to occur, but I know I will never regret having a child, I may regret not having one though.
Best of luck
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17-04-2013 18:25 #7
They (my family) never have an issue by the end of the pregnancy- and adore the kids- it's just the first while after we tell them.
Yes I've had PND. But that was a long time ago and I am receiving ongoing support so my family isn't concerned about that. My mother has always been negative towards my kids (I mean she loves them, but has been negative towards ME). My kids have everything they need and more, we live in a lovely house, they go to a great school, they have good in their bellies, and are surrounded by love. We aren't stupid enough to have a child if we can't give it the best life possible.
17-04-2013 18:28 #8
OP... there are two separate things I'm reading. One is judgment for having a large family and the other is concern that you're not equipped to handle any more children.
Which do you think you're dealing with here? Because there's a big distinction.
Last edited by lambjam; 17-04-2013 at 18:32.
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17-04-2013 18:29 #9
And can I add on the whole topic of my having had PND with my first....
Because of the fact I am open in talking about what I went through, I was reported to DOCS (yes for something that happened over 5 years ago). They had to investigate due to legislation, and their results? My kids are healthy happy and very well cared for. So *blows raspberries* to anyone who thinks different (general statement! In no way aimed at anyone here).
17-04-2013 18:30 #10
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