hi Heymegz, I hope you can take this in the spirit that it is intended which is only as my own perspective and what I found helpful in thinking about my own two birth experiences, both of which involved stays for my kids in NICU or SCN .
If I am honest with myself I know that without all of it having happened that the most likely conclusion in both situations was that my sons would be dead. In that light I look at my experiences and focus on being thankful I have them and just try to move on from the birth experiences as a very rough start to our life together... and then sometimes I just feel ****ed off, because I'm entitled too and they were the worst times of my life so far. I figure you can only have perspective if you have two points to work from
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Results 11 to 19 of 19
17-04-2013 12:57 #11
17-04-2013 14:15 #12
Yeah I know we would both not be here if things hadnt happened the way they did but I still feel bad. I remember staying awake all night waiting for them to let me see him and counting down the hours. Some days I am fine others things just get to me...just having a bad few days
17-04-2013 14:35 #13
I find it really frustrating when people say well you're both alive isn't that all that matters.yes obviously we are happy our babies and ourselves are well but that doesnt make your experience any less traumatic. Op when my 2nd daughter was born I saw her briefly before they rushed her to the nicu as she wasn't breathing and had blood coming out of her mouth.they had to resuscitate her and she was on oxygen for 12 hours and was tube fed, I got to touch her little hands but not a proper cuddle till she was about 15 hours old then she developed jaundice so was under lights for 2 days.it was horrible knowing id had a baby but it didn't feel like I had if that makes sense.
All the feelings you are feeling are normal and justified. You go into labour assuming that everything will be fine and you will get to hold your baby at the end and when it doesn't work out that way its like your expectations have beem shattered. Tbh for me the thing that made it easier was time.how old is your baby? My dd is now 3 and a half and it took me a few years to grieve for those first few days that were taken from me by something out of my control xxx massive hugs to you please be kind to yourself♡
17-04-2013 14:39 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
I feel so sad for those of you who've been parted from your babies at birth. I remember how desperate you are to see them and hold them in those first few hours. I was so fortunate with my scheduled c-section that the only separation was very brief. OP, I hope you do manage to heal from the sadness of it. I think your feelings are very valid and understandable. I hope that hospitals do as much as they can to get a mother to her baby as soon as it is possible, because it is no small thing.
I also think that these days there is so much emphasis on skin-to-skin and bonding that we worry a lot if these things don't happen at the first moment. As someone who was adopted, I met my parents at a few weeks of age, and I wanted to reassure you that I couldn't be more attached to them nor them to me.
17-04-2013 15:05 #15
Thank you everyone. I feel silly because he is hear now and I am not one to dwell on things... But this has all been hard to overcome. Bubs is only 3.5 months old... He has healed so well but I have been in and out of hospitals since then. I think I have too much on my plate.,.hopefully after the surgery in 2 weeks I will see the light at the end of the tunnel and move on a bit.
17-04-2013 15:06 #16
He was tube fed too as he lost most of his reflexes at birth... I tried breastfeeding after 5 days but he was too broken. I thought second time would b easier but it's been the hardest thing ever
18-04-2013 22:04 #17
hey you shouldn't feel silly at all, sounds like you've been through a full-on experience and and getting through every day is a huge achievement. It sounds to me that you're doing incredibly in the cruddy situation you found yourself in. I hope the bad days get easier for you really soon.
18-04-2013 22:09 #18
When DS was born (vaginal birth) he was placed on my chest for literally 5 seconds and as he was not breathing he was taken to the NICU. It was about 2-3 hours before I got a proper hold then he stayed in NICU for 8 hours and I believe that it seriously affected that bonding time between us.
Last edited by Mod-Zeddie; 18-04-2013 at 22:31.
18-04-2013 22:13 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
Much love and empathy to you, OP and all the other mums that were apart from their babes.
My first two were vaginal births and straight to my chest but DS2 was born at 31 weeks and it was 20 hours before I saw him and 10 days before I held him.
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