I have my DS who is 13 months. In his life I have not left him with anyone, at all, ever. The most has been DH taking him for a walk to the park.
The main reason for this is that he has been demand breastfed and I have had massive difficulties in expressing.
Now that he is older his breastfeeding is less often and I'm readying myself for leaving him with DH and my mum when needed.
I am now 6 weeks pregnant and have a scan booked for mid may. Speaking with my mother tonight she suggested that she look after DS while we have the scan. I agreed that it was a good idea but suggested that she come to the appt with us and take DS to the cafe or a walk from there whereas she wanted to look after him at home. I said that I would feel better if she came with us rather than me leaving him as it is a big step for me. She said she was not happy with that and that I should compromise.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable, I want her and DH to look after him but I have anxiety issues around leaving him and I feel for my own well being (and that of DS) I need to take it slowly and not rush it. I am well aware that she will need to have more and more time with DS leading up to the birth of the baby but I think it's fair to take it slowly.
What do you lovely people think?
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16-04-2013 17:46 #1
Am I being unreasonable?
16-04-2013 17:50 #2
I honestly think that if someone is doing you a favour ie your mum is looking after your son then you need to do what suits them. Your mum may feel more confident looking after her grandson in her comfort zone.
Otherwise can you hire a babysitter to mind him near your appt?
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16-04-2013 17:53 #3
Considering the scan isn't for about another month, could you slowly build up to leaving your son with your mum for the scan? I.e. let her come to your house and take him for a walk on her own, then next time, you take him to her house and leave him with her for 20 minutes while you go fuel up your car or get a few things from the supermarket.
IMO, I think it's up to you with what you feel comfortable with, but at 15 months I do think its a bit odd that you don't even leave him with your husband.
16-04-2013 17:53 #4
Agree with the above. If your want your mum to watch him it should be where she wants to do it.
16-04-2013 17:58 #5
I don't think you're being unreasonable and agree that you need to take it slowly. How far is the appointment, how long will you be travelling etc? If you can work out say 2 hours, think about the actual time of 2 hours. Is that a lot or not much? Could you leave a special food treat - strawberries or something - that could take a whole 15 minutes to eat which is an eighth of the time gone already! Would your mum come to your house? Do you have issues with her house, or if DS would be in danger there? Just think for a bit before discussing with her.
16-04-2013 18:05 #6
16-04-2013 18:09 #7
We can build up the time between now and then, that is a good idea, however part of the problem is that I don't know how long we will be gone for.
DH is starting to do more with DS without me around, again we are taking it slowly, especially as DH works 80+ hours each week, our time together as a family is precious.
I have no problem taking DS into the appt with us, mum thought it may be an opportunity to look after bubs.
I don't think my mum understands how anxious the idea of leaving him makes me, he was sick as a newborn and I had no choice but to have him away from me and I hated it.
16-04-2013 18:15 #8
I think you need to really get a move on with getting comfortable leaving him with other people, to be honest. I too think it's odd and slightly unhealthy that he's only ever gone to the park with his own father. I don't think it's normal to have that level of anxiety over leaving your baby with your partner.
In a matter of months, you will be having another baby. Are you having a hospital birth? Is your mum looking after your DS while you are in hospital? What if you have a caesar or complications, and you have to stay in hospital for 4 or more nights? It's unfair on your DS that he isn't even used to staying with dad for longer than an hour or so, he will suddenly have everything change because of the new baby. I think your first step is allowing your mum to look after him on her terms, and you'll have to work really hard over the next few months to work on your fears to let his grandma and dad look after him a lot more.
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16-04-2013 18:31 #9
You are not being unreasonable. I still feel anxious leaving my son with anyone else. He's 2
I breastfed DS and he wouldn't take a bottle at all so I never left him till he turned 1. The first time was hard. I was thinking about him all day and I kept on calling DH and looking at photos of him in my phone and felt so guilty. And all the worse scenarios just kept on going through my head. It's hard, but it gets better
If its me I would demand my mum to do what ever I feel comfortable with. But if it was my MIL I would feel very rude and I would just leave him at her house.
But like pp said there's still time till the scan, you can take it slow
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16-04-2013 18:43 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
I understand how you feel. I was exactly the same. The first time I left DS with mum was because I miscarried and had to go to hospital DH and DS both came then I sent them home, but DH wanted to come back so I had to give in and call my mum to mind DS. I had to end up taking DS to lots of scan afterwards for retained products cause DH couldnt get time off work.
When i got pregnant again my mum ended up coming with us then took DS out for a walk half way through the scan when he got whingy. But i had to really let go when I had my next baby and Mum had to mind DS over night whilst I was in labour and giving birth. I had to stay in for 2 days so that was hard being away from DS but I accept a medical reason for being away from DS.
If your not comfortable just take your DS with you, I would. After having my second baby I am getting better at leaving the kids with DH I still feel very guilty doing things for myself but I am getting there. I am evening letting my mum babysit my eldest whilst I take my youngest to a play date with similar age kids.
Its hard having this anxiety over leaving your kids but doing it slowly for specific reasons will help.
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