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  1. #31
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    I don't agree with baptising children at all! If an adult is part of a particular religious group/has religious beliefs- that's fine, but don't go forcing your belief on to anyone else, particularly a baby or young child who lacks the ability to comprehend the meaning of a baptism and religion.
    I didn't baptise my kids. I copped a lot of critism from my ex's family despite the fact we aren't and they aren't remotely religious.
    If my kids grow up and decide to follow a particular religion and want to get baptised, i will have no objection. I may not personally agree with their belief but at least they will be at an age to understand and fully grasp what they are doing.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uniquey View Post
    I can never understand why couples don't discuss this sort of thing before they enter into a serious relationship/marriage/have children. If I were married to an athiest I am sure I would know about it, just as if I were married to someone who felt strongly about Baptism I would know about it.

    I can't imagine that suddenly oneday it would 'come up' and either of us not knowing where the other stood on the subject.

    It just never ceases to amaze me the things people don't discuss and this subject is one of them.
    So true! Makes me wonder.

    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Sorry I just meant that in your situation where you said if your DH wasn't catholic that you would have moved on (I've been collecting my thoughts on this over eating tea), I just think there are lots of people who fall in love regardless of religion and that this is not something that would cause them to move on.
    I'm confused here. Why would you fall in love with someone who has opposing beliefs to you in something as important as religion? ESPECIALLY if they are planning a family? Don't people cover this in the first few dates?

    Dh asked me on our first date about my religious status. I knew his stance from then. We knew each others desire for a family and lifestyle by the end of the third date ie marriage then kids. Otherwise I'd be wasting his time and he mine.

  3. #33
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    I never spoke about religion, marriage, kids on first few dates

    First few dates are for fun, then again, religion is not high on my priority list.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uniquey View Post
    I can never understand why couples don't discuss this sort of thing before they enter into a serious relationship/marriage/have children. If I were married to an athiest I am sure I would know about it, just as if I were married to someone who felt strongly about Baptism I would know about it.

    I can't imagine that suddenly oneday it would 'come up' and either of us not knowing where the other stood on the subject.

    It just never ceases to amaze me the things people don't discuss and this subject is one of them.
    I suspect because it was never seen as an issue until kids came along. I have seen this happen where it has been discussed but it's one thing to have views before children but people change once kids come along - suddenly one person panics, or they feel pressure from their own parents.

    Religion is often one of those things where what's fine for you as an adult suddenly isn't fine for your own kids - and that's not something some people realise until they actually have children.

    Having said all that I'd be furious if my DH demanded my kids be baptised or christened. Luckily we both agree on that one and our views didn't change after we had kids.

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  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post

    I'm confused here. Why would you fall in love with someone who has opposing beliefs to you in something as important as religion? ESPECIALLY if they are planning a family? Don't people cover this in the first few dates?

    Dh asked me on our first date about my religious status. I knew his stance from then. We knew each others desire for a family and lifestyle by the end of the third date ie marriage then kids. Otherwise I'd be wasting his time and he mine.
    I suspect from this that religion is very important to both of you. But for a lot of people religion isn't something that is discussed. Unless it's something you're heavily committed to I don't agree it would automatically come up. DH and I didn't discuss kids or marriage until we'd been together for over 2 years. I had no idea about his views on religion before then.

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  8. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    So true! Makes me wonder.



    I'm confused here. Why would you fall in love with someone who has opposing beliefs to you in something as important as religion? ESPECIALLY if they are planning a family? Don't people cover this in the first few dates?

    Dh asked me on our first date about my religious status. I knew his stance from then. We knew each others desire for a family and lifestyle by the end of the third date ie marriage then kids. Otherwise I'd be wasting his time and he mine.

    Most people I know avoid religion (and politics) as discussion topics for a fair while- too contentious!

    Gosh, the third date ( back in my single days) had an entirely different meaning I can't say I'd ever discussed marriage on the third date!

    As to the "why" you'd fall in love with someone who had different beliefs... Gee, I don't think I've ever consciously decided to fall in love! Just kinda happens.

    We're all different

  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I'm confused here. Why would you fall in love with someone who has opposing beliefs to you in something as important as religion? ESPECIALLY if they are planning a family? Don't people cover this in the first few dates?

    Dh asked me on our first date about my religious status. I knew his stance from then. We knew each others desire for a family and lifestyle by the end of the third date ie marriage then kids. Otherwise I'd be wasting his time and he mine.
    Because love just happens to lots of people, it's not something that is planned via a set of criteria.

  10. #38
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    Well I think if either DF or I decided we wanted our children baptised I think the other person would be somewhat speechless given we are both atheist and very anti-religion. However, if the circumstance arose I would want to know why so that I could present a counter argument.

    Is it because deep down he still holds these religious beliefs? Why inflict them on a child? Why not let them wait until they are old enough to make their own mind? Surely a baptism that has been chosen by an adult is more meaningful than an unwitting participant.

    Is it because it's the tradition of his parents/family? I would argue that they his parents had their opportunity to be parents with their own children. Why does his family's traditions dictate what you do with your child or trump any tradition you may have of not baptising?

    Whilst it's a innocuous enough event I would downright refuse to baptise any child of mine given my strong anti-religious beliefs, my beliefs that children should not be indoctrinated into their parents religion but able to make their own choice and not wanting to show any sort of support for said religion.

    To not want to baptise is just as valid as wanting to baptise. The lack of religious beliefs does not mean there should be a default to religious practices where 2 parties cannot agree.

    To be honest, given my strong views on anti-religion/anti-theism I just couldn't be with someone who held any sort of religious beliefs.

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  12. #39
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    I am another who resents being baptised before I was old enough to consent. It's funny this thread comes up now, I was researching today to try and find a way I can "un-baptise" myself as it bothers me so much that something I am so very strongly against thinks that it has some sort of "claim" or connection to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    I am another who resents being baptised before I was old enough to consent. It's funny this thread comes up now, I was researching today to try and find a way I can "un-baptise" myself as it bothers me so much that something I am so very strongly against thinks that it has some sort of "claim" or connection to me.
    Can you get your name removed from the church records?

    Then maybe get a tattoo, have some lesbian sex and dishonour your parents too?

    ... and any of those wonderful things the bible forbids, but Australian law doesn't.

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