DS has been going to his dad's every Wed and every second Sat and Sun but not overnight because he currently doesn't sleep in his own bed.
He doesn't seem to be enjoying spending time at his dad's when it's time to drop him off he locks the car door and says 'I'm not going' then his father will pretty much bribe him to get out of the car like come on I'll take you to the park/buy you an ice cream/we will go to Maccas. He has even cried before we left the house before so I tell his dad that he is too sick to go. I know that lying is bad but I'd feel worse handing over my child kicking and screaming cuz he doesn't want to go.
My main concerns with his dad is:
He seems to only want DS because he can sticky beak into my life, well he tries to anyway.
I've had to delete ppl off facebook cuz he stalks it and thinks I'm ganging up on him if I block his account he will look at it from his gfs or make a fake account
He will drive past my house just to see if Im home at night
I was seeing a guy but ex soon made sure to mess that up when he inboxed the guy telling him that no one was going to take his place in his son's life cuz he would knock anyone out that tried. Also told the guy that I'm a psycho that gets men locked up!
My biggest concern is when DS was there last he came home and told me 'daddy broke his car he had two wheels off it' he was working on his car while DS was in his care!!
DS was meant to go there yesterday but I heard nothing from his father cuz he forgot about it! So he is going today.. so I'll be sitting here all day worrying about what's happening.
Sorry about my long whinge!
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14-04-2013 08:08 #1
14-04-2013 08:37 #2
That sounds horrible I'd say something to him about your ds not wanting to go.
The constant fb stalking, harassing and driving past your place is a reportable offense too. Hope someone comes by with some real advice for you.
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14-04-2013 09:08 #3
Sit down with your DS and have a chat - ask him why he doesn't want to go to dads and if he isn't sure ask him what would make it better. I think you need to get to the root of it and figure out if it's based on fear, not getting the attention he needs, not feeling at home there, responding to your feelings, etc.
It must be extremely difficult for you to send him off when he doesn't want to go - I could not do it myself. That's why you need to get to the root if it and listen to his feelings.
Hiw old is your DS? Has dad always been involved?
14-04-2013 09:23 #4
I agree with PP - try and find out why DS doesn't want to go. Is he old enough to articulate this?
It may just be not wanting to leave Mum, which he will grow out of. But it could be more concerning, like lack of attention, feeling scared or bored etc
I couldn't continue dropping my DS off at Dads if he was like that. I'd be constantly worried he is upset.
Can you try talking to your ex too? Explain that you think it's important he keeps a relationship with DS, but you're concerned he gets so upset at having to be dropped off. Ask what they get up to, how he behaves once you leave etc
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14-04-2013 09:40 #5
DS is 3.
Long story short we split up just after DS turned 1, he was kinda in and out of his life from then. He went to jail last year for two months we didn't hear from him until Nov last year and then he was only seeing DS while I was there. In march this year we agreed to go to mediation which isn't for another week or so, since about 2nd week of march he has been having him and he has told me that his mother sometimes ignores DS cuz she hates me and cant stand knowing that he is my son and his sister also will not acknowledge DS!
I think part of DS not wanting to go is leaving me but is also his dad's attitude towards him like tells DS your not with your mother now I will smack you if your naughty when I heard this I told ex if he laid one finger on DS he would never see him again
Ex has his own gf that he has been with for a few months but won't let me move on. He does have mental issues
14-04-2013 09:49 #6
OP are you saying your ex can be violent/has a temper? Is DS comfortable around him? If not i would stop (unsupervised) visitation immediately and seek (legal) advice around your concerns for DS's safety. Also, does his dad provide a 'home' for DS? Does he have seedy types hanging around the place? These things are important especially if he has a criminal background!
He is 3 - judging by my own son who is 2 1/2 I would say he would be able to say what he feels, why he doesn't want to go.
14-04-2013 10:01 #7
He is currently living with his mother, his gf lives there too and DS plays with her son's toys (her ex husband has custody of her children) ex doesn't have anything there for him and usually takes him to the park etc I find if they go to a park DS is happy with that and wants to go but doesn't like going to his house I've actually had to go pick DS up twice before because he didn't want to go to the house
I will be contacting my lawyer tomorrow morning
14-04-2013 19:42 #8
Ok so today was pretty good, ex text messaged me and let me know that DS was ok and that he had had lunch etc. I picked DS up and ex was actually his normal self - saying how good DS was and that he loved spending time with him.
I went to leave and bam my car would not start ex checked it out to see if he could find anything wrong with it but when he was baffled as to why it didn't wanna go he offered to tow me home then once we got there he said I would never see you and my son stuck.
I'm still stunned that he was so kind and caring!
14-04-2013 20:01 #9Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I understand he is the father of your child, but, I'm going to be blunt.there is no way in the world that I would let my children be in the care of someone with mental problems and obviously some other issues going on. And for your child to straight out tell you that he doesn't want to go should send alarm bells off in your head. If it were me I would be in contact with my lawyer for supervised visits only. Just my opinion though. Good luck.
14-04-2013 20:24 #10
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