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  1. #401
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    Ive been silently reading along for a while now. Im so sorry you are going through so much You have come so far even if you dont see it, you will get through this. Im also no good at advice but please I strongly urge you to get in contact with either beyond blue or lifeline tonight:

    http://www.lifeline.org.au/

    There are people to talk to and while its not an easy fix just talking to somebody when you need it most can help even if it is just a little bit. Please dont blame yourself or make yourself feel guilty about any of this...none of this is your fault and you are only human. Please take care and dont be so hard on yourself

    Eta: I also just wanted to add that you have not destroyed who you are. You are going through massive amounts of emotional turmoil. You are still in there, just hiding in all the hurt and emotions you are going through. Just reading through your thread I can see how kind and caring you are, Its just hard for you to see yourself while all this is going on.
    Last edited by Purple Lily; 01-06-2013 at 22:33.

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  3. #402
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    If you are still feeling suicidal please, please call Lifeline.

    Please, please, please. They have an online chat if you are feeling shy.

    I can't do much but I can sponsor you one psych appointment if you want. PM me if you do.

    Those extra things you've just written aren't so bad. You were accused of something and felt defensive. She initiated contact. Just remember she's a victim in this too, but not your victim. Another victim of your GP. He is responsible for this. It was a good move to block accounts and to be totally honest with the panel. You are doing lots of really positive, strong things. It's ok to be feeling guilty and angry and overwhelmed. Allow yourself those feelings and then dump them. These are things you did, choices you made, not the person you are. You are taking responsibility and forging on with life. You are stronger than you realise.

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  5. #403
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    Oh Hun, I'm well known on BH for judging and I DO NOT Judge you now. You are unwell and the person you went to to get better took advantage of you.

    You have a lot to live for. A hubby that cares for you and a beautiful child.

    Please call lifeline as the previous poster suggested.

    And please continue to vent on here whenever you need to. No matter how down you feel please come here. Xxx

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  7. #404
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    Oh hon, . I really think that given your suicidal feelings you may really benefit from admitting yourself. I know that it must feel like a huge step but you have said you can no longer afford psychologist appointment, you are feeling suicidal, you stated you feel that your meds aren't working and that you are still really vulnerable to manipulation by him and his network - these seem to be some pretty compelling reasons to get some more intensive help.

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  9. #405
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Definitely call lifeline if you feel that way. Good way for you to get those feelings out to someone that is happy to listen.

    There is a website for the ANU, a university in the ACT called e-couch. I haven't been on it in years but it's designed to help people. Maybe check it out, see if it could help you in anyway. https://ecouch.anu.edu.au

    You could also try the beyond blue website. http://www.beyondblue.org.au/.

    (Mods please delete links if they aren't allowed).

    You have been so brave and so strong through everything lately and you should really be proud of the steps you have taken. I too can see in your writing you sound more confident and strong,

    You can do this.
    Last edited by LifeInShadesOfGrey; 01-06-2013 at 23:49.

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  11. #406
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    Oh hon, . I really think that given your suicidal feelings you may really benefit from admitting yourself. I know that it must feel like a huge step but you have said you can no longer afford psychologist appointment, you are feeling suicidal, you stated you feel that your meds aren't working and that you are still really vulnerable to manipulation by him and his network - these seem to be some pretty compelling reasons to get some more intensive help.
    I agree with this poster. I really feel like you should admit yourself to hospital. As a public patient you wouldn't have to worry about money and you can get some intensive treatment to help you feel better and keep you safe. It's not like its jail. Ppl will be there to help you, listen, adjust your medications.

    Have you thought about getting a health care card? You said you haven't been working and don't have much income, maybe you would be eligible? Perhaps there is some way to apply for a disability payment through centerlink if you are unable to work if you can prove through a doctor your mental state precludes you from working. I'm not sure about this but it's something to look into.
    I really would be considering calling your local hospital. Please do it for yourself and your daughter. Don't let this creep of a doctor ruin your life anymore than he has already.

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  13. #407
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    Hi OP
    As the previous poster said I think it is time to go to the nearest emergency dept at your local hospital. The ongoing depression and suicide thoughts are very serious especially if you have a plan of how you will do it .

    Please ask your husband or a family member to take you today. It will be public funded so dont worry about money.

    You have already made such huge inroads dobbing in this creepy doctor now its about getting more intensive help to beat the illness.

  14. #408
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    Hi ladies,

    can I ask, wouldn't admitting myself cause me to further deteriate?? I mean, being away from my normal life ... Obviously it takes a while for new meds to kick in and they can't really do much.. My hubby knows how I have been feeling and I have told a few family members too. I do not plan on hurting myself at all.. Sometimes I just really really want to & that can be so overwhelming when feeling how I do..

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    If you are still feeling suicidal please, please call Lifeline.

    Please, please, please. They have an online chat if you are feeling shy.

    I can't do much but I can sponsor you one psych appointment if you want. PM me if you do.

    Those extra things you've just written aren't so bad. You were accused of something and felt defensive. She initiated contact. Just remember she's a victim in this too, but not your victim. Another victim of your GP. He is responsible for this. It was a good move to block accounts and to be totally honest with the panel. You are doing lots of really positive, strong things. It's ok to be feeling guilty and angry and overwhelmed. Allow yourself those feelings and then dump them. These are things you did, choices you made, not the person you are. You are taking responsibility and forging on with life. You are stronger than you realise.
    Mrsharvey, you are so beautiful. I really appreciate your offer, though I cannot accept it. You are so so lovely so thank you

    and also. Thank you all for not making me feel so terrible for all of the choices I have made lately, I was feeling like I was losing it. She apparently never sent that text to me, I do not know who did but I am assuming it was a set up, so then I felt even worse. I love you ladies so much!! Xx

  16. #410
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Hi ladies,

    can I ask, wouldn't admitting myself cause me to further deteriate?? I mean, being away from my normal life ... Obviously it takes a while for new meds to kick in and they can't really do much.. My hubby knows how I have been feeling and I have told a few family members too. I do not plan on hurting myself at all.. Sometimes I just really really want to & that can be so overwhelming when feeling how I do..
    firstly big hugs, huge hugs. I honestly wish I could give you a big hug.

    I think admitting yourself is good step if not the best step for you right now.
    Please know there is support on many levels for you both proffessional and not ( eg your fellow hubbers)



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