Hi, my name's Liz and last year I was approached by two friends (gay couple) who I have known for a long time - One of the guys I've known since we were babies as our parents were friends before we were born and the other I've known since their first date approximately 12 years ago. They explained how they desperately wanted children and asked if I would consider being the egg donor. They explained they wanted the child to know their mother and have their mother in their life (so not get an anonymous donor) and after many months of consideration, decided I was the one they would like to be that person. I can not explain how touched (& flattered) I was that they would consider me that worthy. What an honour.
I am 38 and unfortunately have never met the right person and am still single. I would love a child but do not wish to bring a child into a single parent situation (by choice, I know these things happen and have no problem with it) and have kept thinking "I'll meet the right one soon" but it hasn't happened. So I saw this as a perfect opportunity to bring the guys' dream to life and allow me to have a child too but not doing it on my own. The guys are wonderful people who live in the country with the traditional "country values" and good families. I don't think this child could ask for any more loving and devoted parents than these two or a more loving and devoted "Aunty Mum"! Three parents who adore them is a pretty good situation to be in.
The challenges we have faced though have been a little disheartening;
1. We decided to engage a surrogate in India to make it easier on me. Never having children before, I question if I would be able to hand the baby over to the boys after a 9 month bond in growing and developing him / her. We all agreed using a surrogate would be much easier on me and would remove that risk. CHALLENGE - they changed the laws in India in regards to surrogates for gay couples
2. We then discussed to possibility of me carrying the child. It is something I'd consider if we had no luck in finding a surrogate but wished to try first so we put the word out and to our surprise met a lady (a friend of a friend) who was interested in helping us. A 26 year old lady in perfect health who seemed perfect in every way. The next day I attended a surrogacy forum excited that it was coming together to find out some disappointing news. CHALLENGE - Although it is not illegal, clinics frown upon and generally refuse to use a surrogate who has never had children before due to 1. Not knowing how the surrogate responds to pregnancy and birth as it can pose risks to both the surrogate and child and 2. The surrogate has no idea mentally how they will respond to pregnancy and the bond with the child so there are more risks of not handing the child over. CHALLENGE - This rules out the kind and generous 26 year old AND MYSELF from carrying the child.
I know how much this means to the guys (and myself) and I felt truly gutted when I found out that last night as even my "back up plan" of carrying the child myself was taken away.
Does anyone have any advice on this obstacle of "not having children previously"? Or does anyone have any pointers on how to find a surrogate who can help us with this journey? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this post.
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12-04-2013 11:58 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
Surrogacy Challenges in QLD
13-04-2013 13:59 #2
I just wanted to clarify your post....you are planning on being the egg donor and the 26yr old friend is entending to carry but she previously has not had children?
If you were planning on using your own eggs and carrying the child you could get around this requirement and still obtain a parentage order, however you would have to do home inseminations or find a willing Doctor that is happy to assist you with IUI.
The requirement that the surrogate already have at least one child is a clinical guideline and it is possible that not all clinics enforce this rule, however having already previously had children does prepare you for what to expect AND there is a small possiblity that something can go wrong with the pregnancy and leave the surrogate unable to have children. This is something you or the surrogate would have to consider before going ahead.
I'm happy to answer any other questions, or if you like you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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