Ethics of "trapping"

[Bunny Lover]

I think though Bunny Lover there's a big difference between a couple in a relationship or one night stand where he just refuses to wear a condom then says she trapped him. When the reality is, she didn't and he knew she wasn't on the pill.

This is very true delirium. I have to agree. Did he know he wasn't on the pill? If he just sort went along with it and knowing that there was a chance.. Well.. I still feel bad for him but..

[Bunny Lover]

I also think that in that specific situation - a long term relationship as opposed to one night stand - its a gross breach of trust.

[Curby]

Not something I would ever do.

I know someone who did it and I don't think highly of her knowing what she has done.

[delirium]

I also think that in that specific situation - a long term relationship as opposed to one night stand - its a gross breach of trust.

Agree. if she has told him she is using the pill, and he has clearly said he doesn't want more and she is not taking anything deliberately, than that is very wrong

[Boobycino]

No I wouldn't. I couldn't. I feel so badly for men in relationships if that happens.

I mean, things happen, you deal with it, but being betrayed like that is awful. I pulled away from a friendship after someone I knew did exactly that, and laughed about it like "he doesn't know why he's getting so lucky". I thought if she could do that to her husband I didn't feel I could trust her as a friend.

[LaDiDah]

My friend did it. They seem happy now but I haven't spoken to her since it happened. No respect AT ALL for people like that personally.

[GirlsRock]

Hmmmm, at the risk of being completely flamed here, I thought I would tell my story.

DH and I have 2 children conceived via IVF. After #2 was born I was desperate for a 3rd child but DH was dead set against it. When #2 was 12 months old I had come to terms with the fact that we wouldnt be having another child and actually felt happy with 2 children, the desire for a 3rd child just went away.

One day, completely to our shock I discovered I was pregnant (no trapping, completely accidental, after years of never falling pregnant naturally, just didnt think it could happen). After a few weeks of freaking out we both grew excited about having another baby. Unfortunately however I miscarried at about 9 weeks.

I was completely and utterly devastated and suddenly my desire for a 3rd child was back in full force. My DH however was still happy with 2 and didnt want to try for a 3rd. I will be totally honest here when I say that for a few months after the miscarriage I totally knew when I would be fertile and made sure we had sex in the hope of falling pregnant again. I justified it in my mind that DH was willing to accept a 3rd child when it was accidental, so again he would be accepting.

Thankfully I never fell pregnant through that period and while my desire for a 3rd child still rears its ugly head occasionally, I now completely have my wits about me and realise its not fair to DH to trick him into a 3rd child when he is completely happy with the 2 we have.

But yeah, I can understand how sometimes you get into the headspace that if it happens your partner will accept it. I know its not right, but I do understand how someone manages to justify that its okay.

Also, for the record, I'm not horrible or untrustworthy or most of the other things that have been mentioned. My desire for another baby completely over ruled any other thoughts I might have had about whether what I was doing was wrong or not.

[ozeymumof5]

No I could never do that. I also know of a cpl of 'ex' friends who have done this hence why they are no longer friends..it's just so wrong!

[shelle65]

It is a cruel irony that the sex that generally has the stronger desire to procreate is the one that has significantly less opportunity to do so.

[harvs]

Like many others, I believe that it is immoral, particularly in long term relationships. However, I do think it's worth putting out there that it can be very easy to jump to conclusions, and to dismiss women for whom contraception hasn't worked. In my situation, I fell pregnant despite using two types of contraception, and my son was conceived 30 days after previous AF when I have had a 28 day cycle my whole life. To say there were slim odds of conceiving is an understatement! I was accused of 'trapping' my husband by more than one person, which was extremely hurtful and made the confusion, guilt and fear I was feeling at the time many, many times worse. I can understand how people might ask the question, but to assume it is the truth is something different altogether!

Slightly off topic from OP, I know...