I've never known him, no loss on my part.
My mother fell pregnant even though their marriage was going down hill. Not to trap him (she wanted him gone), but because she desperately wanted a child.
Not everything is black and white but can be easily misjudged from first appearances
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07-04-2013 20:19 #151
07-04-2013 20:38 #152
Yes having sex means you risk conceiving a child. But that's because "accidents happen". It's a bit different when one person deliberately deceives the person. That's not normal risk at all.
07-04-2013 20:42 #153
I hope nobody assumes that I'm against parents separating or single parenthood. That's not what I mean. But I imagine many children may feel a sense of... Not loss exactly but maybe curiosity? About their fathers if they don't know them.
Or simply abandonment when they do know their father but he decides to be pretty much not a part anymore or not much of a part of their lives anyway. I say this as the mother of a child who was abandoned by the father she knew... So it's about me not understanding how anyone can be so selfish as to inflict that on their child.
07-04-2013 20:50 #154
So... Do you think if you asked the child they would say they wish they'd never been conceived at all?
I'm pretty sure most kids in this situation would be happy to, you know, exist..?
07-04-2013 22:23 #155
Some people are just happy to live a life of deceit. If you have to "trap" a man into having a child with you, then I find that pretty sad and pathetic. I know it does happen though because i've seen it.
Personally, i'd rather be happy knowing my child was made between the two of us deciding to do it together. Accidents definitely happen and thats what they are accidents. Trapping a guy is a different story and its a certain type of selfish woman who will do it to get what she wants.
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07-04-2013 23:25 #156Senior Member
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- Aug 2009
It scares me that people are actually justifying this behavior. Like a type of sickening, cold blooded terror and revulsion.
I've wanted a baby for four years, desperately wanted one. And I‘ve day dreamed about a legitimate happy accident but I look at my partner and feel ill just thinking of decieving him in such a way to get what I want, even though he doesn't yet.
I don't understand how anyone can actually justify getting pregnant, despite someone else not wanting it. I can read the justifications but it just won't compute. It makes me incredibly sad that anyone can try and do it, or even convince themselves that their justifications are legitimate. That it's okay under any circumstance to force someone into something against their will.
‘‘He should have not trusted his partner when she said she was on the pill and used condoms as well.‘‘
Okay, justification for forcing someone to have a baby with you.
‘‘She shouldn't have lied about being on the pill! ‘‘ justification for forcing women into an abortion.
You guys think this is okay? Seriously?
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08-04-2013 10:10 #157I'm pretty sure most kids in this situation would be happy to, you know, exist..?
That kinda put a lot of things into perspective for me. LOL
I don't understand what the big fuss is. Plenty of women attend sperm banks and do the IVF things...which I personally find abhorrent. But this method is accepted so why shouldn't getting pregnant naturally with someone you know be an issue? After all, this society espouses the self in that if you want to do it, just do it and to hell with the consequences.
I know of two women who have done this and have signed agreements with Child Support to exonerate the male party from all responsibilities. Of the married women I know, the pregnancy has been an assumed consequence of sexual relations. Some marriages have subsequently broken up. Some have stayed together. It all boils down to what you value more.
If a woman is prepared to do this (and many aren't..which I find equally abhorrent) then why not? But with many children born into this situation, I'm acutely aware of the long term blame that is placed on the shoulders of the child which isn't fair but that's what it is. Again, it's a consequence and if you are prepared for them then okay.
I normally suggest to people who yearn for another child of their own to seriously reconsider the r'ship they are in or to foster a child.
But I have a question. Why should the husband be allowed to dictate the landscape of his marriage? As far I knew, marriage included two people (in this country). When you marry, one accepts that such a union includes or excludes children. If children are already in the mix, then why should one partner be allowed to renege? Why is it then implied that the WOMAN is the JEZEBEL or LIAR in this marriage when she is simply fulfilling the contract they initially entered into? Where are the husband's responsibilities here? If he's flatly refusing to have more kids is that not, too, an abrogation of said responsibilities?
Last edited by happy wanderer; 08-04-2013 at 10:23.
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08-04-2013 10:34 #158Senior Member
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- Aug 2009
08-04-2013 10:38 #159
Because people have the right to change their mind? As much as that sucks its true.
We went into our marriage expecting to have two kids and now I only want one. Although DH is disappointed he accepts my reasons, which have come about due to unforeseeable circumstances. That's life.
08-04-2013 10:40 #160
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