See, I think THINKING about it is fine. THINKING, "Stuff you, I'll go do it anyway!" after an argument about it is probably a fairly normal reaction to have. Thinking about it in a day-dream sort of way is fine too. I think it's normal to fantasize about getting what you want.
Actually going through with it is another thing altogether though.
I often talk of all sorts of things I'd never actually do - smashing into some idiot driver in front of me, sticking a cork up DP's backside for endless farting (lol), telling that b*tch at work exactly what I think about her using as many colourful words as I possibly can... but actually going through with it is so different from thinking about it.
It's that GOING THROUGH WITH IT that takes a normal adult to a deceitful, selfish, immature jerk.
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07-04-2013 16:00 #131
07-04-2013 16:09 #132Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
In the past I have felt incredibly trapped because I have been told yes to a baby, then no at the last minute. My son's father used to tell me all the time we could give DS a sibling, then he'd take it back. It made me feel trapped, and I believe he was being dishonest.
I think having a baby with someone to 'trap' them is just as stupid as breaking life-altering promises such as yes I will give you a baby and then not deliever. Both will not make the person love you more but, in my opinion, drive them further away.
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07-04-2013 16:22 #133
No I definitely would not!
Dp is my best friend and I could never do that to him.
Imagine how she would feel if she didn't want another child and he was pricking holes in the condoms! Bet you all hell would break loose
07-04-2013 16:45 #134
People shouldn't be deceiving their partners like that...whether its the man or woman. If they disagree they should discuss it, be open about their feelings and if they still cant resolve it then they should probably get some counselling or seriously consider whether they are right for each other.
07-04-2013 16:47 #135
My thinking is that if you have a couple firmly deadlocked on this subject, their relationship *may* not last anyway. So my thoughts are, cut your losses (and yes I know easier said than done) bc if you trap him he's probably going to walk anyway, and may not have contact with the child. All I know, is if it was me, I'd rather the former than the latter.
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Clementine Grace (07-04-2013)
07-04-2013 16:49 #136Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
Ethically, I see it as comparable with a man forcing a woman to have an abortion against her will.
07-04-2013 16:58 #137-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I knew someone who was trying to do this with her husband. Her husband very wisely got the snip, and she was still telling me after the fact that "he isn't confirmed infertile yet" so still had a glimmer of hope that she would get pregnant.
I'm no longer friends with her, thankfully. The whole situation was messed up. I felt very sorry for her, but I also judged her very much for it.
Their relationship won't last. He already doesn't appear to want to spend much time with her at all.
07-04-2013 17:45 #138
Don't do to others hat you do not wish to be done to you.
If you were to deceitfully fall pregnant, and see no problem, then you must see no problem in your partner having a vasectomy without your knowledge.
Same same. Absolutely no difference.
Would you like that?! Your partner never telling you he has had it done and there for your attempts at having a hold are failed because he kept something so vital from you?!
Now vice verse that scenario.
07-04-2013 18:28 #139
07-04-2013 18:46 #140
I feel sorry for any baby born out of someone actually doing this. I mean, either the dad steps up and is a good father, in which case he is saddled with a lifetime of emotional and financial responsibility that he didn't want. OR, he does a runner, in which case the child is saddled with a lifetime of "dad didn't want me/isn't around". Either way, someone loses. I don't know, this might be just me, but a huge part of being a mother (for me) is to put the wellbeing of my family as first priority. I couldn't hurt either my husband or my children (born or unborn) just to have things "my way". Seems pretty selfish, imho.
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