I have to say i have told my Mum (who in turn tells the world) God love her. I don't have anything to hide RE our testing, our choice to try IVF and our cycle starting in June.
I have struggled with the fact that no one has contacted me about it, my cousin who had a baby in Feb and I thought we were close nada. My Brothers and sister in laws who all have several kids each nada...
I even threw IVF into a convo with one SIL and she dismissed me and went silent.
So I have pretty much guessed who truly cares about me now and have decided everyone else can go get F'd (excuse my french).
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02-05-2013 19:12 #21
03-05-2013 09:47 #22Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I don't think its that they don't care more that they don't understand. Also maybe your Mum didn't crow this from the rooftops as it is private. Mine does the same thing but she kept this real close to her chest. She said it was up to me who I told what and I think I can trust her with this.
I have my Mum as my support person and she is the only person who knows everything about my journey when I want to talk to someone. I don't want everyone knowing where in my cycle we are. If/when I get my BFP I want to wait the normal 3 months before telling people - at least - although ours will be a high risk pregnancy so expect that we might wait until the baby would be born healthy. There may be an exception to that with my Nan if she shows any further signs of frailty then maybe she would be told so she knows after 10 years that we finally got pregnant. She is 88 years old and would love another grandchild. She only has 4 after all. Even my Nan knows we want children and have fertility issues. I think that helps with less when are you going to have children conversations.
03-05-2013 19:55 #23
I think if we are not successful this cycle then I will consider talking to my mum on the next one.
I've mandated that if we find out we are UTD - DP is not to breathe a word until somewhere between 10-12 weeks however I'm allowed to tell my mum if and whenever I want to. Lol. So far he seems ok with that.
04-05-2013 06:41 #24
Thanks TIgger your prob right don't get me wrong my Mum is my best friend so I guess I would say her and my DH are my support people. She said when we were having a D&M and I was having a self pity moment that people just don't know what to say to me and my DH says that people are scared of by the issue he said they find it too personal.
So yep I fully see the sense in not telling people I think that when I was first going through the testing and found out I was so emotional that it just hurt me deeply that people who I had thought were my good friends and family chose to ignore the subject and didn't offer me even a single word of comfort, but that is just me. Did anyone else feel this way?
I think that fertile people just take it for granted and have no idea of what we go through emotionally and physically.
Last edited by Sharlee32; 04-05-2013 at 06:43.
10-05-2013 16:44 #25Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I have a very positive attitude to everything. Everyone I've told has been great. Of course there are people who don't say anything about it after the initial conversation but I think they are waiting me to bring it up first and seem almost relieved when I talk about it. One of my closest friends just leaves it for me to bring up. She just lets me talk about it and tries to guide me to what she wants to know without asking as she doesn't want to overstep the mark and upset me - so it is a real balancing act for them too - especially with all the hormones we have. They feel like they're prying if they ask to personal a question. To be honest most people can be very empathic and think what they would feel if they were in your situation. That's what I do when any friend brings any problem to me where I'm not in that situation.
One of my friends is part of a blended family and I don't have that so all I can do is think how I would handle her situation to give an opinion on what she could/might do. But I never care if she takes the advice or not as that is her business not mine - if that makes sense
10-05-2013 17:21 #26
We told our family just after being told we would need IVF however we only told our parents in person - we made our parents tell our sibilings (mainly because i'm a wimp!). I did follow that up with an email to all our family saying that "we know you are thinking of us but if we want anything we will ask you - please don't enquire into our journey as we'd like the opportunity to surprise you all with our pregnancy when it does happen". They all came back and said sure thing - that was now 3.5years ago and they all ask us - some more than others. It helps that my DH's oldest brother and his wife also did IVF so they somewhat understand our journey.
I told two of my bosses early on in our journey. I was promoted about 20 months ago and no one in my new role knows this (i have more flexibility in this role to be master of my own schedule!). However, I plan on telling my bosses this week because I want them to give me the tww off on the next try.
I say do whatever you are comfortable with. I've become more comfortable with talking about it as the time goes on and am a lot more open. However, I still hate the thought of packing on a few kilos (and I got OHSS on one of my cycles and looked six months prego) and everyone staring at me thinking that i'm pregnant.
Good luck on your journey
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