Hun, I have no words of wisdom. I wish I did
All I can and will offer you is many hugs.
I hope that you and your partner can find a way to communicate about this.
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25-03-2013 21:35 #11
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26-03-2013 06:49 #12
There is absolutely no reason for you to feel embarrassed if you want to see a counsellor. It might be worthwhile for you if you don't have anyone you can openly talk you feelings through with. Xx
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26-03-2013 07:07 #13
If you can't talk to DP how about a BF or sister ? My husband was a pretty poor support person with our last miscarriage and I realized that yes we deal differently and his way of dealing was to forget this time.
So I leant on friends and family.
Sometimes we just have to realize that although we love our DP or DH dearly we don't have to rely on them alone to vent our sadness.
I think you may just need to talk which is normal . My first miscarriage was over 9 years ago at 16 weeks and still to this day I spend the due date on my own and hubby is none the wiser.
Talking to someone else who has been in your situation is great also.
It's a reminder that it happens to many and your not alone in all that you feel.
Big huge smothering hugs for you and I hope you can find some peace once the date passes xx
26-03-2013 07:18 #14
Munchkin, I wrote that wrong! I'm not embarrassed about going to see someone, I'm embarrassed about the miscarriage. I always have, from the time I found out-its been the constant throughout my good days n bad, I always feel ashamed n embarrassed about it
Kelly, thank u for the smothering I don't really have anyone to talk to. I dont know anyone who has been through this to understand where I'm coming from. My family took it just as hard, if not harder, then me so I wouldn't want to cause them anymore distress n my best friend was insanely jealous when she found out I was UTD n pretty much rejoiced when I miscarried. Anyone else I feel would just gossip.
I'm open to seeing a counsellor n u ladies have def given me somewhere to go from here in terms of talking to someone so thanks again xoxoxox
26-03-2013 08:49 #15
I'm so sorry the people around you seem to not be much support, I hope bubhub is helping a little :-) I know it did for me.
Honestly people (relatives and friends) don't have a clue, unless you've gone through it and suffered such a loss and experienced all the emotions that go with it one cannot relate. My own mother said the most insensitive phrase to me when I told her I was to have a stillbirth, I couldn't even get mad I was so numb.
anyway I'm saying is that its very common for the people we think will support is to fail in this because they just don't know how we feel and don't know how to help, that's why a counselor and maybe getting into a group who have experienced a similar loss might help you grieve.
As for your DH you just need to put all the card on the table, tell him how you feel how his responses make you feel and what you want to do... Sometimes we misinterpret behaviour and not until we've dug deep that we can understand the other person.
i know it doesn't seem like it now but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will feel better!
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26-03-2013 09:06 #16
Sometimes I think we feel the way we do because we are disappointed that we 'let' everyone down. We get quiet caught up in how we got everyone else all excited only to give them bad news but as much as this upsets them it didn't so much happen to them so if you need to talk to your mum or family then you can only give it a try. You may find that they don't know how to approach the subject with you. They may be unsure if you just want to forget about it , if you don't feel like talking about it and so their confusion in how to approach you on it is reflected in their behavior or lack of support, especially if this is the first time miscarriage has occurred within the family.
I think you may need a new besty! That's awful that she made you feel as though she was happy it happened, I hope she wasn't and that again she just didn't know what to say or do.
Lucky for forums and complete strangers
26-03-2013 10:06 #17
26-03-2013 10:44 #18
As for my bestie, I didn't talk to her for a really long time after n we've only just rebuilt our friendship but it'll never be what it was, I'm still gob smacked with a particular text she sent pretty much admitting her jealousy but she wasn't once she found out I miscarried she was glad n wasn't jealous anymore coz we could have our babies together like SHE had always seen it. It even looks horrible when I try n minimize it for her. I just numbed myself to it n realized people sat stupid stuff n rarely know the right thing to say so I excused her texts but really I probably shouldn't have in hindsight
27-03-2013 05:00 #19
So sorry to hear of your loss
Men just don't understand these things, ive lost count of the amount of conversations I've had with my DH when I've felt he isn't being sensitive to my feelings. They just don't think like we do.
You were saying you wanted to do something for your due date? Even if its just as simple as lighting a candle it's a good way to do 'something' to mark the occasion. DH can know what it's for and not feel left out or annoyed at you.
Or if you really wanted to do something more, a massage could be nice or getting your hair & nails done? Anything that makes you happy you should do that day.
Try to be kind to yourself. *hugs*
Mummy to DD 21 months
DS due July 2013
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