So DD is 4 almost 5 and lately her attitude is just unbearable. She can be so nasty. She just took the iPad of her sister and wouldn't give it back and when I took it off her she started to kick me. She then told me I was "a rude little pig". I put her in quiet time ( our version of time out). Apart from quiet time and losing privileges (like iPad etc) I don't know what to do??
I took the 3 girls out to a fete and she complained the whole time. In the end I just had to leave and she screamed/cried the whole way back to the car. It's getting to the point where I don't want to do anything with her unless DH is with me to help with her.
I blame myself a lot for her behaviour because I always felt sorry for her because I wasn't with her dad so felt like I had to compensate so she was quite spoilt. It has backfired on me now
Will she ever be sweet again??
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24-03-2013 08:02 #1
What do you do with an unbearable attitude?
24-03-2013 08:13 #2
I take things away and use time out too.
24-03-2013 08:27 #3
I could of written the exact same even the part about not being with her father and trying to over compensate, except my dd is 5 almost 6 and these last few weeks she is horrible.
We went out for lunch last weekend with 5 of my friends who I havent seen in ages and she just wouldn't sit still, kept complaining etc and even stole food off plates on the sushi train!
I work 3 - 4 days a week and she spends 2 hours a day after school with my mum or sister so I feel like this is my punishment for being away so long!
What I have just started doing is just having a serious chat about her behaviour each night, what I liked/ didn't like about our day and what we could of done by making a different choice to make the situation better. I also talk about what we can do on the weekend together if she is good during the week. I have also used the iPad as a positive reinforcement tool that is something she gets if she has been good, not as something that is taken away for bad behaviour.
24-03-2013 09:10 #4
In my experience, the only real successful way to get the behaviour you want is to continue being calm, showing her love/affection but being firm and making it clear what behaviour is acceptable and what's not.
I think talking about the behaviour is good too, but I would try talking all throughout the day, like at the time.
I also really value the 'pep talk' at the beginning of the day, preferably before the grumps set in (for either of us). Just things like 'remember when you called me a rude little pig? It made me so sad, and it hurt my feelings. Today when you get angry, try tell me you're angry instead of calling me names. It's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to be mean to people because you're angry' that kind of thing.
My boy is 4 (and I have a 2y girl, but I'm not at this stage with her yet) and hat works best for him is the natural flow of consequences.
If you are mean to your friends, they won't want to play with you. (Although reassuring her that you love her, even when you're sad/angry/disappointed with her).
Good luck getting the best out of your girl today.
One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn, and something my mum said to me a million times when I was growing was 'remember, when we are most unlovable is when we are most in need of love.'
She also liked referring to me as a 'victim of my age' when I was being a bi+chy teenager.
Last edited by Daydream Believer; 24-03-2013 at 09:12.
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24-03-2013 09:13 #5
Does she get any one on one with you anymore? I have 3 kids and another on the way and have found DD1's attitude can become unbearable when she's not getting enough one on one time with DH or me. It doesn't have to be much - just even half an hour after the younger 2 in bed. Sometimes I think I give her attention but then I realise it's all negative - she's 7 so she can enunciate it and tell me she feels like she's always in trouble, and that helps.
For us we ask a lot of her as the oldest as she has to help with the younger 2 quite a bit. We still don't tolerate any bad behaviour, but try to balance it with lots of positive attention as well, and I've definitely noticed a link between her treating her sister poorly with feeling like she's always in trouble.
Hope this makes sense.
24-03-2013 09:17 #6
24-03-2013 10:40 #7
Ugghhh, both my older children went through this at a similar age...all part of the F***ing 4s I reckon! I just tried to be super consistent with my discipline (we used time-out), and also used reward charts and loads of positive reinforcement for good behaviour. Like PP we also had little pep talks, but tried not to go overboard as it sometimes felt all we were doing was talking about their behaviour!
I also found age 6/7 to be quite trying as well - just so you have something to look forward too
24-03-2013 11:41 #8
Thanks for all the suggestions. I have tried pep talks but usually give up when I see they're not going to have an impact. She more often than not wakes up grumpy even though she sleeps from 7-7. Maybe I'll be more persistent and see how we go. I also remind her that when she says "..." That It hurts my feelings and makes me sad. She will be apologetic at the time but forgets all about it at the next meltdown.
Considering we have 3 children I think we do spend a significant amount of 1 on 1 time together. I just got back from a 2 hour birthday party where she proceeded to kick me with her skates on while I was trying to get her to leave. We go to ballet and swimming lessons together and i am always the one to pick her up and drop her off at school. She often says things like I don't like my sister I don't care about her etc.
I'm just feeling so defeated
24-03-2013 12:30 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
When they are at their worst...they def need the most love!
Taking her places is not one on one time...you need "down time" together where you spend time doing something together.
I have not hit this stage with DD yet, DS went through some challenging times about 6 years old though.
Be consistent, kind and fair as possible.
Find something the kids can unite on when possible, build the bond between them too.
have consequences, things that are valuable to her.
try and focus on rewards where you can...catch her doing the right things and make a fuss.
mostly, make sure you get some care and some rest...i find my hardest days are the ones where i am exhausted!
24-03-2013 14:27 #10
Yeah we don't count activities, parties and school runs as one on one time. With 3 kids I know it's really hard to find time which is why we let her go to bed a little later than the others. It's easier to do now she's older. She'll stay up and watch a nature documentary with us and we talk and cuddle on the couch and she has a little treat. Makes her feel special and makes up for any perceived unfairness during the day.
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