Thanks so much for your lovely responses! I've really been trying to just ignore the thought of more babies and just spend time appreciating the beautiful bubba that I have now :-)
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25-03-2013 17:44 #11
25-03-2013 18:11 #12
It took us almost 6 yrs to decide we were ready again. There was a host of reasons to have one sooner and just as many to wait.
I also had a pretty traumatic emergency CS with DS6 but I am feeling positive and much more informed on my options this time as well as knowing what to expect at the worst end of the spectrum so I feel I am prepared for just about anything.
I was always concerned about the age gap between siblings. But I keep reminding myself that my brother and I are only 2yrs apart and hated each other growing up but became friends once we were both adults. So i am hopeful that even if DS and bubs aren't friends at least DS is old enough to dress himself and clean his teeth etc. it will help having a little extra helper.
As others have said- take your time. Do what feels right for your family and don't worry if you decide differently than what you thought you might do before you had kids. Perspective can change when experience takes over.
25-03-2013 18:15 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
First of all, congrats on the birth of your DD! Sorry the birth didn't go to plan I can't imagine what that must feel like.
You don't have to many any decisions now. While I had an easy birth I found the pressures of a newborn to be a lot and didn't think I could handle another kid. However, I've since found what works for us and our little family and now we're pregnant with #2.
You don't have to make any decisions about more children now, or even a year down the track. And if you decide you only want one, that's totally fine too. Just enjoy your gorgeous DD for now
25-03-2013 18:15 #14Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
Just wanted to say I am sorry that you had such a horrible birth experience. I agree that you should just focus on your baby for the moment and come back to these questions at another time.
However I would also encourage you to make sure that you do explore your birth experience in time to come. Whatever your birth story, it is you and your baby's story; you need to find the beauty that is there and honour the story. If there is a next time you will have another story, and it is likely to be very different. However fear is such a powerful emotion and it can negatively influence a journey. My mum had traumatic birth experiences and she has carried that with her her whole life. She has passed a lot of this onto me and I have had to do a lot of healing as I approach my first labour to ensure I enter the experience with excitement and wonder at what my body is able to do.
25-03-2013 18:31 #15
I can definately recommend counselling to he
25-03-2013 18:34 #16
Relax. It's all ok. I went through unexpected birth trauma and then I had a ds with silent reflux (aka. no sleep & endless screaming for months on end). It was a miracle I was ever ready to go back, but I was by the time he was 2. Life intervened and I ended up with a gap fo 4 years, 9 months .
I couldn't imagine having a toddler & a newborn (and I still can't) and I don't think it is necessary to have a small gap at all, so don't rush yourself.
An emergency C-section after failed labour is SO different to an elective C-section from what I am told. For starters the date is planned, you get to have childcare organised, leave organised for your dh and all your clothes ready to go, etc . Then you have an epidural/spinal and you are awake for the C-Section so you don't need a general Anaesthetic and you don't need to spend hours in recovery. From all my friends who have 2nd C-Sections they say it's SO different and SO much less stressful.
But mostly, my advice is to relax and enjoy your bubba. Your chance of getting pregnant right now is slim (not impossible though), so it's not really something you need to be losing sleep over. If you are struggling to deal with it all please have a chat with your M&CHN and your GP.
25-03-2013 18:36 #17
Sorry typing with baby... Meant to say get counselling... I recently had a very traumatic birth and counselling is helping. I am glad this was my second baby and we had planned on no more but if it was my first I would be feeling exactly like you. It's early days.... You have time to heal yourself. Perhaps something to think about is an elective c section... This would be controlled and you could have it all explained and feel better... My main issue was having no control over the situation... I ended up being too late for a c section so bubs was ripped out with me having to push too... But everything felt so out of control. Can I ask which state u r in? I can recommend somewhere if u r in wa.
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