I can understand serious things that may stress you out if unable to talk about it, but say something like "please don't tell anyone but last night I farted during s*x and accidentally followed through, it was so embarrassing and DH is angry at me because he had just changed the sheets." This is not something serious, but is a big enough deal to my friend that she has asked me not to say anything but needed to talk about it, would it be gossip to tell my DF?
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19-03-2013 11:39 #121
19-03-2013 11:44 #122
I'll put it this way....
I don't atually sit my husband down each day and tell him every tiny detail of every conversation i have had that day. However if one of my girlfriends reveal something to me that I feel overwhelmed by or need help with I will tell him. I don't actively go out of my to have a laugh at my friends expense.
I tell my DH things and my friends now if they tell me something I may tell my husband. pretty sure something like following through after a fart isin't something i'd probably think about again.
19-03-2013 11:48 #123
19-03-2013 11:53 #124
A few times someone has said something to me that directly related to my partner - even if they've told me not to tell anyone, or not to tell him, I've told him AND told them they said not to tell him, so that he's also aware that they were speaking about him and had no intention of him getting that information.
However, the other day my SIL told me something and specifically said not to tell DF and it had absolutely nothing to do with DF what so ever, and even though I think him knowing what she said wouldn't actually make any difference, its not my place to share gossip.
With something like if in a million years from now Katelyn gets her period and tells me not to tell her dad. I really dont know. I think I mightn't tell him right away, or ask her why she doesn't want him to know. Really though I dont think he'd need to know. IF it was one of our children at risk or had been hurt or something and told me not to tell him, I'd tell him so we could have a plan together even if I had to keep from them that he knew.
If I was to tell DF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I did, saw, heard, or was told, every conversation from every play date, every relationship drama of every friend, every secret told to me that has nothing to do with him, everything the kids every did or tell me I would literally never shut up.
19-03-2013 11:55 #125
Haven't read any other posts but yes I tell DH absolutely everything. My friends know that if they confide in me I don't keep anything from him and so far have been fine with that!
19-03-2013 11:56 #126Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I tell DH everything about ME...i have no secrets from him...the important word being I.
When my friends tell me something in confidence, that is their secret and not about me so it stays in confidence. My friends don't need to say "don't tell anyone" because they know that I won't, it is that simple. If it seems like a private or personal matter, i simply do not repeat it.
Talking about other people's secrets is gossip imo. People might think it is OK to gossip within a couple, i don't...telling someone else's news is not OK.
I am also gob smacked at the number of people who had said they will lie to their partner's face about what they spend shopping but happily detail their friends private lives. That sort of dishonesty bugs me, if you want to have no secrets, then have no secrets about you. Talk about hypocritical!
If i found out my friends had told their husbands details of our very private conversations I would be mortified...they do not need to know about things that happened long in my past that have nothing to do with them. If i want to talk to their husbands about being abused, i will...if i don't...then they should not either!
If it effects me (as in a friend being given only months to live) then dh would comfort me on losing my friend...he would not need to know about intimate details of treatment etc (like my gf who has cervical cancer...does not need to know about some of the finer details of her vagina) that would violate her trust.
19-03-2013 11:59 #127Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
possibly the reason your friends do not talk about sex etc is because you tell your DH everything.
My friends and I are very open, nothing is taboo or untalked about...from sex to birth to families etc
And, in the same way I respect my friends privacy, i also respect my DH's and don't talk about his secrets to my friends!
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19-03-2013 12:00 #128
Just an example of something which may be very embarrassing to the friend doing the confiding but which won't affect anyone else but her, when someone says I tell my DP EVERYTHING it's hard to know what they mean, if I was going to tell DF all the gory details of a conversation I'd had with a friend it would seem like gossiping to me. Thanks for clarifying Jarylee. I appreciate everyone's relationships works differently and it is awesome if your friends are aware, but horrid if they aren't, after reading this thread I'll be wondering who's DP knows what about me at the next dinner party!
19-03-2013 12:00 #129
19-03-2013 12:00 #130
Did I miss a whole heap of posts about people keeping from their husbands how much money they spend? I haven't gone back over the thread but I only remember seeing one post about it?
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