Would you still tell your husband if it meant you'd lose your job? Or would you say up front I can't work on this because I can't keep it confidential?
Sorry not singling you out but I'm genuinely fascinated by this.
I also don't really like the implication people are making that those of us who don't tell our spouses everything do so because they aren't trustworthy. My DH is one of the most trustworthy people I know and is also incredibly sensible and great to go to for practical advice. But I still don't tell him stuff that my friends just don't want anyone else to know.
I think the point people are missing is it's not about our partners - it's about our friends.
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19-03-2013 09:40 #101
19-03-2013 09:40 #102
Coming in late sorry. I don't tell DF everything, if it doesn't affect him negatively then I won't talk about close friends. Not talking of idle gossip "he said she said" but serious life problems mentioned a few posts up, he is not close with my friends and I know they wouldn't bring up their private problems infront of him, so I am not going to go straight to him and tell him. I don't feel it is "secret keeping" just respecting friends privacy and being a safe place to vent/seek advice. To be honest it's not something I have ever really thought about much before because I just automatically register that this is something my friend has trusted me enough to tell, it's not my business to share it with anyone else and why would I need to?
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Stiflers Mom (19-03-2013)
19-03-2013 09:45 #103
I also can't think of many situations where I would need to debrief with DP over something personal a friend told me. If i were to discuss these things with him, it would be gossip, plain and simple.
19-03-2013 09:46 #104
For me personally, my friends know me and they know my relationship. They always say, tell ***** but don't tell anyone else. If anyone has a secret they don't want my dh to know then they won't tell me i'm guessing. I only have D&Ms with people that I am really close too anyway, so that wouldn't come up for me as I would already know whether or not they confide in their partners.
I have friends who don't tell their partners everything, because they can't trust them not to say anything and others just don't feel comfortable doing so. Again all relationships are different. Whether its between a partner, friend, parent etc...
I have a friend who tells her partner everything & I don't like or trust him at all. I don't tell her anything I wouldn't want anyone else to know. I take people for who they are and my friends are the same.
19-03-2013 09:46 #105Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I agree with you Sonja, I get that some tell their other half everything and that's fine. I wouldn't call them names, so I'm not quite sure why the names are being thrown around the other way - untrustworthy. How am I untrustworthy because I don't tell DP about my friend's boobs, or haemrhoids? I don't understand how this could be the case. I'd say I would be rather untrustworthy if my friend asked me to not tell anyone something really personal and potentially humiliating and I did it anyway. My DP is the most non-judgemental person I have ever known but I'm pretty sure sometimes he wants me to shut up as it is, he doesn't need to know about my friend's poos/sex life/embarrassing issues.
I suspect there are some things he doesn't tell me to spare me from stress. This doesn't bother me in the least and I have absolutely zero trust issues within my relationship. I trust him implicitly, which is why if a friend of his told him something confidential I'd have no issue whatsoever if he kept it to himself - BECAUSE I trust him!
19-03-2013 09:47 #106
My DH and I share and discuss most things (and not in a gossipy way either). I have kept things told to me in confidence to myself though. Mostly it's embarrassing stuff he wouldn't want to know anyway, and once someone asked me not to tell him specifically. I don't feel this impacts our marriage, I assum he does the same for his friends.
19-03-2013 09:49 #107Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Whats the deal with the people who've replied that they tell their husband everything (other peoples secrets included, presumably) but they dont tell them how much money they spent shopping? That doesn't speak of a totally open and honest relationship either.
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19-03-2013 09:55 #108
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19-03-2013 09:56 #109
I can't stress enough that i believe every relationsip is different and I don't judge them if they are different to me.
To answer your first question, I have never been in that siuation so i can't really relate. Im sure if I had to sign a legal document though that my husband wouldn't know as it's then the law.
To try and give you a better understanding.....
As a person I am a complete worry wart and I always need to talk my thoughts through or they overwhelm me. So many of my friends come to me for advice and sometimes its a lot to take on. My husband is my sounding board. I don't tell him to 'gossip' i tell him because I need to get my thoughts out or I can't think clearly. Or if I'm worried about advice I have given i will confide in him to see if I have done the right thing. Other times I will tell him just because I have a desire too. My friends know me really well and accept me for who i am as i do with them.
I hope that makes some sort of sense
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19-03-2013 10:00 #110
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