Sorry a bit of a contraceptive rant topic!
I have just had a chemical pregnancy so I told hubby I needed a break from the mini pill (we were not TTC- pure accident but I was pretty happy about the positive, sad about the rest).
He joked that he hated condoms and we would just have to abstain from the deed until I went back on the pill.
I told him he could just pull out as we are not that fussed if an accident happened but would look into permanent fixes if we do have a 3rd child. Only one day post AF we DTD. He didn't pull out nor did we use a condom.
So what on earth is he trying to pull? I will admit I did not mention it to him (about the condom or pulling out at the time of DTD) as being first day post AF and I know that I don't ovulate until late in my cycle the chance of pregnancy is very slim at best.
We had a massive discussion about permanent fixes and couldn't agree as he wants me to be done and I don't want full surgery for something that is minor for him.
How have you gone about getting him to have the snip when he is so against it? I refuse to have surgery and he darn well knows it (unless we had a whoops baby and I required a c-section but have had 2 very quick natural delivery's so far).
I am just so annoyed that he is more worried about losing his sex drive than he is about the risks associated with anesthetic for women to have their tubes tied and it is so very selfish!
Surely I am not the only woman to undergo this battle over who gets done. Problem is we both agree that NO WAY IN HELL would we have a 4th but we are a very fertile couple and I am sure we could have more than one whoopsie on normal contraceptives. I have tried the mirena which sent me off my head, I am still breast feeding DD (20 months) so can't use the regular pill and I will not get the implant or needle as I am concerned that any form of slow release contraceptive might effect me the way the mirena did (I was very nasty to my kids and short tempered with hubby)
Thoughts? and thanks fo allowing me to have a rant
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18-03-2013 14:58 #1Member
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- Jun 2012
18-03-2013 15:29 #2Senior Member
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- Oct 2009
I wouldn't rely on the withdrawal method if I were you...preejaculate contains sperm. And as you discovered, pulling out tends to be the last thing on a guy's mind at the critical moment.
I considered getting my tubes done when I have a c-section in a few months. Then I did some reading, and was surprised to find how many women have really heavy, painful periods after the procedure.
Ultimately I find myself in the same boat as you...DH didn't exactly jump at the idea of getting done himself. This annoys me, as the procedure for men is minor and for women quite invasive and carries the potential for serious side effects.
I may have to resort to another implanon in my arm, but won't be thrilled as it makes you put on weight and I have enough baby weight I'm keen to shift once this little one'd born. It does annoy me that even in marriage many men still consider it the woman's problem.
I don't know how to get through to our husbands on this either. Time for a Strike?!
18-03-2013 15:39 #3-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
DF doesn't want to get the snip, I don't want to have my tubes tied. We both are fine with that.
Thankfully DF prefers to use condoms anyway (less mess) and I can use the pill with no effects.
I don't feel right in 'making' him have a procedure he doesn't want to have. His body and all that. We just find what does work for both of us.
18-03-2013 15:44 #4
I wouldn't expect him to get the snip. His reasons, although different, are just as valid as yours.
Until you can find a contraceptive that works for you, give him no choice but to wear a condom.
18-03-2013 16:31 #5
I would never have my tubes tied and dh would never have the cut. We would never force each other to do either. Even though we have needed to do ivf we don't rely on the withdrawal method during the times we have not been wanting to try for a baby. Once we are done having children we will be using condoms and I will be on the pill.
18-03-2013 16:42 #6
What are his reasons in not wanting the procedure?
I find a lot of men are against it until they research it properly. My DH was more than happy to have the snip. I had a very bad reaction to the implanon and pill, he hates condoms. As adults in a relationship we looked at the pros and cons of each situation. Neither of us liked the idea that the only way for me to be in control of the pregnancies and such was either by major surgery or chemical alteration. That just doesn't sit well with either of us.
He realised that having a vasectomy was a relatively minor procedure, with no long-term chemical use involved- no major surgery and a very low risk of internal infection.
He was more than happy to take that on himself as one of the parties involved in reproduction. I had 4 pregnancies and births, he had no intention of putting my body through any more than it has already been through- so stepped up and made the decision to take on a more permanent method of birth control that did not negatively impact on either of our bodies.
Our sex life could not be better. It is SO much better we are so much more relaxed and spontaneous, as there is no risk of an 'oops'. His sex drive has not dropped at all- but mine has increased as has his as we are no longer concerned about falling pregnant.
It was all over in a 30 min procedure and 3 days of discomfort. That was almost 3 years ago.
18-03-2013 16:42 #7
I sympathise. I wish I knew how to get my hubby to do the snip snip. We have one bub who is only three and half months but she is special needs and needs a lot of care. We both agree having anymore would be unfair and also the possibility of another having the same problem is very high. I also felt awful during pregnancy and didn't cope too well, ended up with an emergency c section. So I kind of feel like its fair that he gets the minor procedure since I've always taken care of contraception etc. if he got the snip snip (as I like to call it) it would be more peace of mind about not getting pregnant. We are also older (me 35, him 42).
So... What I do is have a continuous conversation about it. The subject is never closed and I hope that he will come around on the issue shortly! I might add its not working so far! Yeah, so no real advice actually....just in the same boat.
18-03-2013 17:12 #8
We are ttc our 3rd, but once we get this baby we are done. I planned to have my tubes tied when having the c/s, but have been told by several women they had pretty full on side effects, so I asked DH to have the snip when the time comes.
At first he was no way. But when we discussed it more in depth it was bc he thought a vasectomy meant he wouldn't finish iykwim. When i explained nothing would change it's just the semen had no sperm in it he was fine.
I guess my point is does he realise it will be the same? Many men think it will change sex for them when it doesn't.
18-03-2013 18:29 #9
Kinda a little off topic but just wanted to address a couple of the comments in the previous posts.....
I have had my tubes tied after DD (4th baby but 3rd birth) during my emergency c/s and I have had no ill side effects whatsoever. My AF is normal....I am cranky as I have always ever been and I am always tired but thats 'cause I have a 16mo and 2 kiddies plus run a business and look after the house and to me nothing has changed.
So for me its been great! Just wanted to add that in
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18-03-2013 19:17 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
You cant really make him or convince him to do something he doesnt want to do to his body and the pull out method isnt the best idea prob just no condoms no sex will have to be your rule
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