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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling alientated and lonely

    All of my good friends are working and I'm not. I will when DS goes to school in 2015 (assuming I can get work). My family are in Ireland or Uk. We are doing ok financially on one salary, we live in a nice house in the suburbs. But suburbia is so quiet unless you have family around. I miss the buzz of a city (we lived in London before here). I have so much housework, which I hate. Kids are getting more independent, needing me less except to clean up after them. I guess with dp working hard in the city and friends all stressed out with work I don't feel I have any right to complain or anyone to talk to about some of my issues. But with so much housework to do I never get time to do any of the study I should be doing. Maybe I don't use my time properly but I hate housework, I'm not a homemaker. I feel like I've been backed into this corner where I am now just the housekeeper. I know I'm lucky we are ok financially, but we're not exactly rich. I'm walking around with ripped jeans at the moment because I don't like to spend much money on me and also can't find the time to do any shopping for me. I'm not a super social person - I do enjoy time to myself but at the same time on preschool days I could go 6 hours and not say one word, maybe the odd thank you if I'm out shopping.
    I feel so emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. This could be because I have to take thyroid medication since I had my thyroid removed. Not sure.
    Sorry I'm rambling... I just think a lot of my sadness is the lack of support I feel. With no family here my friends have been everything and while our kids were babies we all supported each other and spent lots of time together. Now I feel totally alienated from my working friends. We have such different stresses. They seem to have totally forgotten that being a SAHM is actually hard work and mostly thankless work. I wonder what we have in common anymore and that makes me feel really scared cus with no family here all I have is my friends. It makes me want to go back to Ireland. Which is crazy as there are no jobs there and my kids have so much better life here.
    Maybe i'm just having a bad day...

  2. #2
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    Hugs to you.

    Sounds like just one of those bad days!
    Im not a housework person either! My mum gave me some great advice and it stuck:
    "will the world end tomorrow if you don't do the housework?"
    I always manage to answer no!
    I also try to bargain with myself and provide reward for hardwork.

    For example: I generally set 2-3 tasks I want to achieve per day and once there done I focus on some me time - it could be a DVD, or one of my hobbies, bubble bath etc (ask me if this still works after I have our twins in May

    But somedays I just don't do anything and that's ok with me too. I've learned to accept and deal!

    As for the friend thing, I've noticed it takes effort to maintain a friendship. I find myself having to make time to catch up. My true friends know though that if they need me I'll be there.

    I hope this has helped and at least distracted you.

    Feel better.

  3. #3
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    It definitely gets easier when your kids start school. I found I made a lot of friends that way and the routine of drop offs and pick ups as well as after school activities kept me busy.

    I know what you mean about suburbia though. We moved from inner city Melbourne to the beach side suburbs of Perth and it was a HUGE adjustment for me. I felt so isolated and everything just felt too hard. I just had to keep myself busy and get out of the house every day to the library, or an activity for one of the kids, or I go insane.

    Can you go back to work now? sorry I've no idea how many kids you have but I work only school hours and not for the money but to give me something to do (although the money is great). If you do have days where the kids are off your hands could you look for a job or do some volunteering work so you keep yourself busy and your mind occupied?

  4. #4
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    It does sound like you need something 'else'. Is there a reason you're waiting till 2015 to go back to work? Is there any study you could do in the meantime to give you better prospects when you do go back to work? Or volunteering like PP said. Those days you don't speak to anyone are so awfully isolating when DS was little I had no mummy friends, it was so lonely. I would take him and go meet my working friends or DP for lunch near their workplaces, it helped break up the day.

    Just re-read your OP, it sounds like you are studying, but finding it hard to get motivated, is that right? I'm assuming you're studying off campus, could it be worthwhile doing a subject on campus so you're meeting new people? Sorry if I'm reading that wrong.
    Last edited by FearlessLeader; 18-03-2013 at 14:32.

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    Where are you op?

    Have you thought about joining a meetup group? Plenty of social groups to meet all tastes..

    Maybe go on the school p and c ? Help in the school canteen?

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    Thanks all for the responses . Feeling much better now just a bad day I think. I have a long term plan - home study this year and part time uni next year. But my home study is not going well as there is always so much house stuff to do, I only get evenings and kids don't go to bed until 8.30/9 at the moment. When they were babies our house was always a state and I never cared because I spent all my time with them. Now I feel guilty if I don't keep up with the house as at 6 and 3 they don't need the same level of attention. Sometimes I feel a bit incapable or lazy because I'm not keeping up with the house, but I'm trying to remember that I never claimed to be! But I still feel I can't do my study until I've done all the housework. I guess because it's not really vocational at this point - or maybe I am just not that motivated yet considering the house is a mess right now and here I am on BH!!
    Pity party over... new positive can-do attitude here I come...

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    I don't think it matters what age your kids are or what you have on. When I was studying if I wasn't really engaged with what I was studying I'd find a million other things I could do instead - but I wouldn't really do them properly either. It's more a distraction from studying then actually tackling another job that needs doing iykwim.

    I wouldn't be too hard on yourself - it can be very hard to be motivated to study at home.


 

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