I am a super trustworthy person but I can never keep a secret from dp; I always blurt it out to him. I think you made a promise to your dad and you should try to keep it, but you also shouldn't beat yourself up if you accidentally let slip.
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18-03-2013 11:53 #11
18-03-2013 12:04 #12
Thank you so much everyone. Everything each of you had said has run thru my head a million times, however the biggest is that hubby n I have no secrets, so withholding would feel like a lie.
I am waiting for dad to call back so I can finally explain my feelings about not telling hubby. While it (the secret) is something that does not directly affect hubby, the emotional burden on me therefore dictates that it may well affect him! :-/
18-03-2013 12:07 #13
It really would depend on what the secret was. If it was something like he been in jail as a young guy, there's really no reason to tell my DH. But if it was say that he fathered a child along the line you guys didn't know about, then I would say something as there is a chance the child may come on the scene. If they do, your DH is going to ask if you knew, then you either have to lie or admit you didn't tell him.
18-03-2013 12:27 #14
My first reaction was that I would absolutely tell DH and that is a terrible thing for a family member to ask you keep a secret from your DH.
But my Mum has told me a family secret that she asked me not to tell anyone (not even my dad or brother know) I wasn't with DH at the time though. I still haven't told DH even though I have thought about it.
So yeah.. I'm not sure.
18-03-2013 12:28 #15
I wouldn't tell . To me a secret is a secret , if someone asks me to keep it in confidence that means I take it to my grave , not oh I promised but ill just tell dh also . If its a no need thing that doesn't affect him Id leave it .
Different story if it affected him or your family in some way . Xo
18-03-2013 13:12 #16
Nope I wouldn't tell. It's not your secret to tell. You should respect your fathers wishes.
18-03-2013 13:56 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
I would tell, as DH and I tell each other everything. My relationship with him comes before all others, and my family understands that too (and they have similar views about their own married relationships).
As others have said, I assume that when people are telling me something they know that I will tell DH - just as when I tell someone something I expect that they will tell their husband/ wife.
Having said that, I wouldn't ever promise to keep a secret from DH either. I appreciate you were put in a difficult situation there, but I think it becomes a little harder if you have made the promise not to tell. I've been in that position before, and have always said that I won't keep secrets from DH, and if that means someone would prefer not to talk to me then so be it.
I trust that DH won't pass on anything that I tell him, of course, and will behave in a respectful/ trustworthy way with that information.
In your shoes I think I would tell DH, and then I would tell my dad that I have told him, and explain why.
18-03-2013 14:11 #18
hi, would there be any chance your dp could find out this secret from the same drunken family member? It often happens that once someone has 'let the cat out of the bag' the huge family secret is no longer a secret. I agree with talking to your dad first and telling hin how difficult it is for you to keep the secret, and that you plan to tell your dp. You and your dp can then decide how best to keep the secret or how to deal with any fall out. I hate secrets, I hate being in a situation to have to keep a secret. Marie.
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18-03-2013 16:14 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
it is a tricky one.
My first thought is that this is not your secret to tell. If it is a very personal thing that your father has shared with you, you have no right to tell anyone else. You say this will make your DH view your father differently but it does not effect him at all...more reason not to tell him...it sounds like none of his business.
I tell my DH everything, i cannot think of something that i would purposely not tell him...but, i have not discussed my mums recent hospital stay and the reason as my mum is very private and was already upset that my grandma has been broadcasting her medical issues to all her bridge friends.
It feels like telling your DH would be gossip...not sharing.
I would hate to think that my bestie told her hubby all the stuff we spoke about...i certainly don't come running home and tell DH all her news...it is not his business.
There is a difference between hiding something that is relevant to you and your relationship to respecting someone else's privacy...i think this sounds like it comes down to respecting your fathers right to privacy. If you cannot be trusted to confide him...might be best to tell him that you are not capable of being his confidant because you share other peoples secrets with your DH.
I feel the "i tell my DH everything" is a cop out...gives you justification to gossip. If it was relevant to him or your relationship or YOUR news...I would absolutely say tell him the truth...but this is not any of those things from your description.
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18-03-2013 16:34 #20
I would tell my dh because we tell each other everything, no matter what.
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