At the end of the day looking after your kids after working all day should be a pleasure, not another chore. Yes he might need 15 minutes downtime after work but that's what a car drive or a bus ride home is for. When my DH walks in the door my kids are all over him and so excited - it doesn't wash that they get to switch off from life at home just because they went to work.
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15-03-2013 15:16 #71
15-03-2013 15:26 #72
OP I think all relationships have their ups and downs. I think some of what your DH has said is unreasonable but believe me, many men say stupid things like this, including mine.
Mine often tells me I haven't done enough or implies I should have done more. His idiotic comments usually come when he's very stressed financially.
I hate how strangers always tell women to leave their husbands!! WTF! There are TWO sides to a story an without knowing both sides I find it completely ridiculous for people to tell u that u should leave him.
I'm not saying at all that what you have told us is untrue, not at all, I just mean there is a lot more to any relationship and the suggestions of counseling would be more beneficial.
I think you just need to talk it through.
15-03-2013 15:36 #73Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
15-03-2013 15:42 #74
I think a lot of people think they are relationship experts or counselors, but even a good counselor wouldn't tell someone to leave their partner!
I get that in an abusive relationship it may be best for mum and child to leave but this advice coming from a stranger? Really?
Every relationship has problems! And these days EVERYTHING is seen as 'abusive' or 'offensive'
Sorry I'm going off track here. I don't want to derail.
15-03-2013 15:45 #75
15-03-2013 15:53 #76
I just think some are very unforgiving.
Just because your partner/DH makes a mistake or acts like a tool on occasion doesn't make him a bad person all round and also doesn't make the wife (partner etc) weak for not leaving.
No one is perfect but it seems like a lot of women expect their husbands to be. They are human too.
I'm just saying I think it's unfair to tell an upset possibly vulnerable woman to leave her husband / partner when you don't know the full story.
15-03-2013 15:58 #77Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
This man belittles her, her children are scared of him, she said she was worried about leaving them alone with him when she works incase he over reacts and really hurts them, he insults her, he is not supportive and does not help around the house, he puts her down on the basis of having bi polar and uses that to gain advantage, he demands sex regardless of how she feels about it....so, my question of "what do you love about him?" is very very warranted.
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15-03-2013 16:03 #78
I agree with Hugsbunny - people are going to a lot of trouble explaining what they would do. If people didn't want that advice why would they post in the first place?
15-03-2013 16:21 #79
I guess to what extent of behaviour people see as forgivable/unforgivable is down to the individual. posters reply based on the information they've been given. OP went into quite a bit of detail over a long period of time.. things that are always 'expected' etc plus some very alarming incidents/behaviours that point to an abusive controlling and unbalanced relationship.
Some might suggest counselling and that might work for OP. But there are going to be people who see this as a detrementle relationship which is more dangerous and damaging than counselling is worth. Its not one short term behaviour but an entire dictation of morality and expectation on top of some seriously emotionally and physically abusive ongoing behaviours.
People are going to say it. Not everyone is going to put marriage before safety or a partnership before someones wellbeing.
15-03-2013 16:24 #80Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Id really rather this didnt turn into an argument. I appreciate everyones opinions and advice. Theres no way i would leave the marriage until we saw a counsillor and really worked on what is wrong with our relationship. I mostly started this thread because i was feeling really hurt and angry and i needed to vent. I did however want advice and opinions from everyone.
i think though im even more lost about what to do.
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