Honestly. If someone called me a c*** even if I was being a c***, but if someone called me a c*** for taking care of his kids I don't even think I'd leave him a forwarding address.
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10-03-2013 01:01 #41
10-03-2013 01:11 #42
Did he cheat? Then say no to you getting some space?
If he loves you and you say things are really toxic right now and you want him to have some time before baby comes to sort his **** out as obviously he's "going through some stuff".... Even if he's hurt or angry at first.... If he loves you he'll still love you even if you do need to take a bit of time and stay with family 3 hours away.
10-03-2013 03:13 #43Senior Member
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- Dec 2009
Gosh, even if it was 3hrs, id be going to stay with my family (alone) to have some free time to clear my head, think etc...
You don't treat anyone like that - not an acquaintance, room mate, best friend, partner or wife.
You care for his children AND you're preg and he just leaves you at home to go out with his brother, when he knows you were already upset over an incident ...
Don't be a doormat, if you don't look after yourself and your unborn child then who will.
If you're not feeling happy, it is impacting your unborn child too and the longer you let it go on the harder it will be to shake, whether u sort things out with DH or not.
Good luck, hope he changes his attitude towards you
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10-03-2013 07:50 #44Senior Member
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- Feb 2006
10-03-2013 08:01 #45Senior Member
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- May 2011
It doesn't matter your age hun. We've all been or are that age once and it doesn't make you an idiot. HE is being the idiot.
Like pp's said maybe he likes to be the dictator.
If you don't want to leave for a day or so then get up today and go and see some friends, get a manicure, watch a movie or just go window shopping. Do things that are just for you. You need it!
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10-03-2013 08:20 #46Senior Member
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- May 2012
Sorry you are going through this hun.
It seems to me that you are being used to look after his kids, they are not your responsibility and although its nice of you too look after them and natural to want to have a good relationship with them, you cant let yourself be used in the process.
Where is the mother of the kids ?
Also the behaviour from the 7 yo is worrying not only for you to have to put up with but putting a baby in that situation is scary.
I think you really need to sit down with him and try and talk to him and voice your concerns and feelings, if he really loves you and cares for you he will listen to you and start changing the things that are making you unhappy.
You need to look after YOU first, dont be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Him calling you a **** is just disgusiting and i would be shocked if my dp ever called me that.
Your dp sounds like a crappy father as it is, telling you to leave his kids on the side of the road WTF !!
What is he like with his sons normally ? Is he controlling, abusive, heavyhanded ?
10-03-2013 08:46 #47
I'm so sorry you're in this crappy situation.
I just want to comment specifically on the ultimatum, that leaving = it's over. That to me rings alarm bells.
As I see it, in any healthy relationship partners should be able to do what they need to to sort out issues without it being the end of the relationship. If he really loved and cared for you, then surely he'd want to support you in doing what you need to do to be happy, even if that means taking a break from the enormous responsibilities you've taken on.
Obviously we only see a small part of your situation here, but it sounds like a good idea to take a break for a few days if you have somewhere to go - and then have a look at the relationship once you have some breathing space. If he's not willing to then discuss what's been happening and seriously work on the relationship, then I'd be leaving.
All the best!
10-03-2013 08:52 #48
OP it sounds like you are in a potentially abusive relationship.
Ask yourself this
Can you go out without him being controlling? E.g does he throw tantrums, does he swear, does he accuse you of seeing someone else? Does he guilt you into not going out?
Is he fine with you having friends? Talking to friends and family? Is he happy when you do that?
Does he expect you to take full responsibility of his children? The house work? Does he expect you to clean up after him and his children?
Does he become aggressive when you confront him about small things such as helping around the house? Helping with kids? Asking him when he will be back from where he has gone?
Does he drink a fair bit?
Does he make you cry or upset then not care? And only apologizes when he wants to or if you a threatening to leave.
Now take a step back and ask yourself if you are happy? Do you want your child to grow up in this environment?
I don't know your relationship but it is sending huge alarm bells.
When you love someone you treat them with respect. This should be a happy time for the both of you and he should be looking after you and spoiling you.
Dont ever settle for less then that.
It may seem hard to leave the thought might even be impossible but sometimes we have to put ourselves first.
10-03-2013 10:10 #49
Yes. Alarm bells rang for me too. I would leave if I were you. If he really loves you, and is just stressed about the baby coming, it may make him realise how bad he's been acting & apologise to you. Otherwise, if he says it's over and you should never come back, it's probably for the best.
You're young. You have plenty of time to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Do you know what happened with the mother of his 3 boys?
10-03-2013 10:26 #50
How are you feeling today, OP? Often the day after an argument and you have calmed down, it can be easy to excuse a loved one's poor behaviour. Ultimately we want to forgive people that we love, and so we can say things like 'I called him at the wrong time', 'he was just having a bad day', 'we are just going through a rough patch', etc.
If you're feeling this way, I ask you to read all these responses one more time, to remind yourself of the patterns of behaviour that are concerning to other posters on here. You ARE young, and that's fantastic! You know that something isn't right, or else you wouldn't have posted here, and you haven't wasted decades of your life in an abusive relationship. You have an opportunity to leave and have a beautiful relationship with your baby with the support of people who actually love you. Please be brave, and expect the best for yourself, for it's what you deserve.
For what it's worth, in my book being called the c-bomb is crossing a line of what I will accept, and in that case I would disappear myself for at least a couple of days. Whatever the reasons for your partner's behaviour, he isn't communicating them, and perhaps him realising that you actually will walk if he doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve might mean a change in attitude. If it doesn't, well, you have your answer...
Take care of you and that beautiful baby you are growing - that's all that matters right now.
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