I may be wrong but it sounds like you may be suffering from PND.. If you continue to feel this way, please go see your GP xx
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09-03-2013 10:46 #11
09-03-2013 10:46 #12
Have to agree, you're being way too hard on yourself. And others .
All it means is that you had an idea of how you wanted things to be and that that idea was your ideal way to raise your child. Doesn't mean you've failed. It just means you've experienced the reality of parenthood and that is simply that the majority of these 'bad' parenting things like swings and dummies exist not because parents are lazy but because it makes life easier.
Nature didn't intend for us to live in secluded, non-familial groups. Nature intended us to live in large family pods with several women of a similar age as well as those more experienced who could take our babies off our hands when we were ready to neck ourselves.
I think you've got a pretty unfair view of what you're supposed to achieve and of what you should be expecting of yourself and I hate to tell you this but if you demand your own personal idea of perfection of yourself all day every day you're going to have a pretty tough life when it comes to parenting. We do what we have to to get through the tougher times and if that means letting your bub have that bright, non-educational and thoughtless toy then PLEASE don't crucify yourself for 'giving in'.
There's no harsher judge than ourselves when it comes to our children and how they're brought up so please never worry about what others are thinking about your parenting. If a child makes it to adulthood with the ability to love and be loved then you did it right. Nothing else matters at the end of the day .
ETA: Just wanted to say that I just read that back and it sounds like I'm judging you! Yeesh, not what I intended rofl!!!
All I meant is that you're being SO hard on yourself and I can promise you that no one is judging you anywhere near as hard as you're judging yourself.
Have faith that you're a good mama and your little one will be just fine!
Last edited by Eko; 09-03-2013 at 10:59.
09-03-2013 11:14 #13
Everyone is a great parent and has all the answers until they have kids. Whatever works is my motto. Welcome to the world of mother guilt. We all feel it and it never goes away. Just do your best and go easy on yourself. Xx
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09-03-2013 11:15 #14
I don't believe that there is a right or wrong and you just need to do what works for you.
My DD has had a portable DVD player(until it broke) and will be getting an iPad mini for christmas but I don't think that makes me a bad parent.
09-03-2013 11:17 #15
Thinking any of those things are 'wrong' tells me you have an unrealistic view of parenthood and babies. You've set up for yourself all these rules with the idea that many very normal styles of parenting are 'wrong.'
I agree you might be suffering from PND and maybe someone/something has put these strange thoughts into your head.
It's OK to want to do things a certain way but to expect it to always go that way or any other options are wrong and make you a bad parent is irrational thinking. Hope you can relax a bit soon and maybe seek some counselling about how you're feeling.
You sound like a normal, caring mum to me that's putting way to much unecessary pressure on herself. x
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09-03-2013 11:30 #16
Just reread and that came out much harsher than I intended.
I was the same as you while pregnant to my first bub. My baby was only going to be in organic cloth nappies, only wooden educational toys. He would feed at specifically this time this time and that time and be in bed by 5:30pm
My baby was never going to cry and tantrum at the mall and I would always make sure I was presentable before going out. Oh and I was planning to sell our TV at one point.
I think back to myself then and PMSL. You're doing fine! You really are.
09-03-2013 11:55 #17
You are being an amazing mother just for feeling bad. Many parents don't care at all!
09-03-2013 13:14 #18
Hugs. You can't plan parenthood, as much as we would all like to. In the early days it's about getting through each day. Be kind to yourself, you are clearly a great mum because you care so much. My kids are 6 and 3 and we ended up doing many things very differently to what our ideal was. We are still growing and changing as parents all of the time.
All the best.
09-03-2013 13:37 #19
Relax & stop planning everything so far ahead.
Take it as it comes & go with what ever works.
I think that should be a motto for child birth too - that way you arn't to disappointed when things don't do 'to plan'.
09-03-2013 13:55 #20
Sounds like you had a lot of rules to live up to. Far too many. It's hard enough being a parent without putting a massive list of extra rules on top of it. Relax, enjoy your bub and do what works for both of you. What works for one Mum or one Bub doesn't necessarily work for others.
As for crying bubs, well you only have one bub, but imagine having 5 or 6 children and that this baby is the youngest. Would you rush into bub's room the instant bub made noise when you've in the midst of getting 3 kids ready for school & changing the nappy of your toddler who just did poo? Heck no! You need to get dressed, go to the toilet, eat, etc and leaving your grizzly baby on the floor a metre or two away while you get dressed is exactly what you need to do. By all means give bubs cuddles when you're dressed, but you do need a few seconds to yourself during the day too and that's jolly hard when you have a grumpy bub.
On another note bubs needs floor time. That's how they learn to roll, crawl, etc. They need that time to develop their muscles/etc. It is essential. Please don't see it as a failure, it is exactly what you should be doing.
I have always loved kids and babies in particular and so I thought I would LOVE motherhood and I found it very disheartening to find motherhood so extremely difficult. I had a reflux bub who barely slept & was grumpy a lot for bub #1 and my confidence plumeted. Even now with a 6yo and almost 18mo I can find being on my own with the kids for a whole day daunting & draining. Not at all like I imagined. Sometimes you just can't predict what you are going to be like in the future
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