Yesterday my 4 month old was really crabby, didn't want to be up or down, only took little naps and every nappy change kept rolling around or wriggling, making it really hard to change her nappy (then screaming because it was taking too long). I had to get ready to go out, so put her down and let her fuss on the floor, and whilst I was only a few metres away and could heard her, when I came back to pick her up she was actually 'crying' crying, and I was shocked because I hadn't even barely noticed, had just kept on getting ready. I think that because she was kind of grumbly/sooky all day, I just got desensitised to it. I also felt kind of disconnected from her, and pretty miserable myself. This is not the parent I want to be, and I NEVER thought I'd let her lie on the floor and cry. The rest of the afternoon I felt so awful, felt like such a useless parent, and felt really sorry for her that she doesn't have the mum she needs. How do you live up to your own expectations?
Also before she was born we made so many rules about how we were going to raise her -no dummies, no toys apart from old fashioned wooden ones and a couple of teddies/dollies, no pram (carry her til she can walk), babywear all day, no tv, etc, but now she has a pram, portacot, swing, bouncer, a million toys, i'm thinking of getting a walker/saucer or jumper (I must be crazy), I put a movie on yesterday just to calm us both down, tried to give her a dummy in the car, and she's spending more and more time (when she's happy to be there) on the mat. WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO MY PLAN??? Oh, and she has a nasty rash from snappis so she's in disposables - which I HATE - until it clears. I feel like a failure and I'm raising her exactly the opposite to what I believe is right, out of desperation to keep her entertained. (I also planned a drug free water birth and ended up with an epi/induction and emergency c-section so I just feel like everything I've done from before she was even born is wrong). Someone please help me get back on track to raising my child the way nature intended before she ends up with a portable dvd player and an ipad...
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09-03-2013 09:50 #1
Another crap mum
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09-03-2013 09:58 #2
Hugs! You're not a terrible mother at all. How old is your DD? Did your mother raise you how you want to raise your DD? If not, you turned out fine, right? You obviously want to do the very best for your bub and that's the best start in life you can give her. Cheer up!
09-03-2013 10:01 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Just sounds to me like you are human! You need to cut yourself some slack. Parenting is a tough gig and we all have our bad days, but whether your daughter is on the floor for 10 mins or in your arms, I'm sure she'll grow up in doubt that you love her.
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House Mummaxxxx (12-03-2013)
09-03-2013 10:01 #4
My daughter has a portable DVD player and an iPad....
Stop judging yourself, stop judging other mums. Do what's right for you and pick your battles.
09-03-2013 10:02 #5
I think you do what you need to do when you're a parent. It's pretty hard to 'break' your child, so not being perfect 100% of the time isn't the worst thing in the world.
We also do natural toys that are based around creative/imaginative play (except the Duplo, which is the world's most awesome toy), but really, before 6 months, they just weren't interested. So we had the swing etc... and they've had no trouble going in to use those toys we originally focused on now that they are more capable.
We don't have our TV tuned in, so if I'm having an 'I don't want to be a mum today' day, I have to put on something from DVD etc, which helps with my ideals of minimal TV exposure as I can control exactly what they are exposed to. Sesame Street is my favourite, I also have DVDs of a couple of cartoons in their second language.
I think as parents we compromise a lot, but hold onto your core ideals, just don't feel like it's awful to be flexible when you need to be.
09-03-2013 10:07 #6
Relax! Im sure we all had this idea how of we would parent before we had children but when it comes down to it the reality of parenting it is completely different to what we imagined.
09-03-2013 10:13 #7
You can't plan parenting ! You do what works. Putting extra pressure on yourself isn't going to help anyone .
09-03-2013 10:34 #8
Welcome to parenthood! Nothing quite goes as planned.
You have certainly not failed, you are definitely not a crap mum. You are doing a wonderful job.
But yes, as Wise Enough said - stop judging yourself and other mums. You are doing the best you can. We all are.
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09-03-2013 10:41 #9
Oh lovely... There's is no right or wrong way to raise your child! Raising a baby is hard work. It's not easy. Don't beat yourself up. Don't give yourself such a hard time. Take it from me. You're going to spend every day feeling guilty and miss out on watching your baby grow. They don't stay little forever so trust your parenting & enjoy your baby.
TV, toys, rockers etc aren't going to damage your baby. What matters is that you and your baby are happy. Baby just wants their mama. They don't care about what kind of toys they have, how much TV they watch etc.
Last edited by SugarSkull; 09-03-2013 at 10:45.
09-03-2013 10:43 #10
IT'S OK! Relax, you're not a bad mum! EVERYONE has has one of those days! It's hard and its frustrating and sometimes we just HAVE to take a few steps back or let baby cry while we do something else, I had to do it (I did say when I was expecting I'd never do that too).
You can't possibly know what kind of parent you'll be till you have that baby, and then it really depends on what kind of baby you have! I wouldn't feel bad for buying modcons for baby... that's what they're there for! I too was against tv but she's nearly one and has a fav tv show! I know terrible!! But in the afternoon I put bubble guppies on (pre recorded) and put her on her rocker so I can take a shower and tidy up and start dinner she usually falls asleep half way through!
I think everything you said in NORMAL and hope you will stop beating yourself up because you obviously sound like a loving caring mother so relax and take it one day at the time.
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