With a heavy heart , I'm considering hanging up the ivf hat due to age (42),
emotional roller coaster and physical dignity
We have had a very hard journey for the past six years resulting in one healthy child one loss and many cycle failures and surgery
We would of dearly loved one more child
We are debating from just one more or bust
i just need to put this out there feel free to share your own experiences on this subject
and lots of hugs too
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06-03-2013 12:09 #1
Ending the ivf journey
06-03-2013 12:16 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
hugest of hugs for you.
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06-03-2013 12:47 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2010
just wanted to give you a as I have been in situation of having one child but still wanting another one. Your desire to have 2/3/4 children is no more less important than anyone else. But IVF is a huge rollercoaster on many levels and everyone has such different situations so I cant really advise im sorry. But
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06-03-2013 14:37 #4
from me too.
I am still struggling to be honest. We had our last IVF cycle in November. Initially money was the issue, but DH is not as keen as I am to do another. It's such a hard decision and I wish I could tell you the journey after the decision gets easier but it hasn't for me yet.
I am reading a book called "Wanting another baby, the pain of secondary infertility" I can't remember who wrote it (and I'm at work so can't tell you right now). I am finding it helpful in knowing that a lot of what I am feeling other people have been through too. It feels so isolating this kind of grief.
Please feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk. Although it's nice to know there is someone there who knows how I feel, I am sorry that you are having to go through this.
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06-03-2013 16:40 #5
Thanks ladies for the replies that's already helped me knowing others are facing the same or similar
I will look into the book too that may help
i also know its a process getting through the acceptance of no more children its just hard when the dream is shattered and no longer a reality
Its like going through a loss again I'm having similar feelings and everywhere I look there's new babies/pregnant women
Last edited by miffy25; 06-03-2013 at 16:46.
06-03-2013 17:15 #6
We are soon to be starting on our third and final cycle early May in the hope we will have baby 3. Even though we have 2 sweet and treasured boys our desire for a third is the same as it was to have the first and second and I hate how people say "at least you have 2" as if to say if it doesn't happen no big deal but it is a big deal, we should be able to have what we want, it isn't fair we have to go through all this but unfortunately that's the way it is and what will be will be.
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06-03-2013 19:07 #7
I have just finished my ivf journey. Like you I have one bub and was trying for no. 2. I did 4 stim cycles and have recently turned 42. 42 was always my cut off point as I wanted a clear end point.
I am happy with my decision. I can now focus on DD without the distraction of ivf. I am loving no appointments, drinking coffee and alcohol. I feel like I have my life back. I also am enjoying not analysing every twinge or feelings my body produces.
I have decided that when DD is 3 I will get a dog so she has some form if company at home.
Anyway I guess what I wanted to say was that when you get out of the ivf cycle it is quite freeing. It may take time to change your headspace but if you can start thinking of life as a glass half full and enjoying being you hopefully you can move forward and enjoy your life. That is where I am at and it is a good place to be.
06-03-2013 22:01 #8
It's a decision you never expect to face isn't it? I think we all go into IVF thinking that it will give us the baby/babies we want, and that it was the decision to start that was the big one, we don't expect that we might have to make the decision to stop...
I think my DH would continue to try indefinitely, but I have decided that I cannot keep going without an end date. I am desperate for another child, but I cannot keep living in this state of limbo. So, we have decided to give it our all this year, and if we do not achieve success this year, we will make the decision to stop, and to move forward as a family of three. I am filled with sadness at the thought that I may not have another child, but I also look forward to getting off the roller coaster, enjoying wine and coffee , and hopefully evening out emotionally, and maybe even 'finding myself' again...
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07-03-2013 01:50 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
We too are nearly at that point. We are just starting IVF with the knowledge that we will only get to do (at best) 2-3 cycles. Like Beetle we decided at the start of this journey that me turning 42 would be the end of our TTC journey. I feel very lucky to have parented two adopted children. I am sorry I did not meet DH when I was younger as I would dearly love to co-parent a younger kidlet with him. But at the same time there is a lot to look forward to
Last edited by Twocam; 07-03-2013 at 01:51. Reason: extra info
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07-03-2013 02:09 #10
We are also looking at stopping our ivf journey, although we have hardly even begun.
We have our interview in a few weeks to find out our course of action and of course $$$$ but I already know at this stage we just can't spare the cash.
I am so thankful I have my dd, but how do you accept this is it? I feel bad already not to be able to give her a sibling :-(
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