I manage a large team of all women bar 1 man and if this was happening in my team I would want the person (aka victim) to tell me about it quick smart. It sounds like she is vile and you don't know the back story. They may be trying to fire her for her vile behaviour and have her on final warning and are just waiting for that last piece of evidence. The others probably aren't friends with her, they are probably just being pleasant with her to keep her vileness away from them.
It costs a lot of money to hire and train staff so if a new starter is happy and performing well, but is considering leaving because of the actions of one team member, there is a very strong financial motivation for your employer to do something about it.
Do trust your manager to handle it in a discrete and sensitive way. Be open with them about what you are feeling and tell them everything, even the stuff that may seem insignificant or petty like the coffee shop thing.
I am sure your manager will help you work it out!
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22-03-2013 09:58 #41
22-03-2013 10:20 #42
I have just read through this entire thread and trust me, I've been there. I once worked in an accounting office and the girl in charge was an absolute cow to me (and everyone else for that matter).
The entire time I read this thread I had one thought- jealousy. In my experience, when women are catty to one another for no reason it usually comes down to feelings of insecurity.
You know what, I bet this girl is just a power tripper and loves the fact that she is in a higher role and that she's in charge. I have the feeling that your pleasant personality is irritating her as she likes to put newbies in their place and has probably expected you to cower/suck up to her. She see's a confidence in you that makes her uncomfortable. She's also probably jaded that everyone else has taken a liking to you.
Sorry OP, just remember that she's an insignificant person and you are obviously a bigger, more mature person. I know it's hard, but focus on your job and stay true to your lovely self
You're doing a great job working for your 2yo, well done Don't let this woman steal your moment to shine.
When this happens to me, I just tell myself that no matter where you work or what field you are in, there is always going to be someone who you don't get along with through no fault of your own.
Ps, hope you're still enjoying the cutey a few desks away
Last edited by ~Marigold~; 22-03-2013 at 10:26.
22-03-2013 10:59 #43
Agree entirely with babyla and bedlover. You need to call her out on it every time she does it, and also speak to your manager.
Hope it gets resolved ASAP.
22-03-2013 11:30 #44
Thanks everyone - just reading the replies helps me feel like its not just me. I've been telling myself that for weeks now and I am just so sick of it!
This has never happened before and I've done lots of contract work in a number of different industries... Some of my closest friends are ex work-colleagues. Maybe I didn't notice it as much before, or less tolerant, or more aware... I've been so so much crap in my life and at this point I am fed up with people who treat me badly or try to bring me down.
I honestly don't think I can bring myself to like this girl no matter how hard I keep trying! I could happily tell her off in front of the whole office at this point but of course never would. I think it's one of her first jobs and she is knowledgable about the business and this is the mining sector so she is quite comfy in her role here. I am just a contractor to her and yes I don't think she wants me getting too comfy here like someone suggested above.
She is also reluctant to give me work and I am experienced and capable if doing a lot more than I'm doing but she says 'there's no point giving me other stuff as until <team member I'm replacing> returns she will just do it. Do I end up finishing my work early and leaving work early.
She is not unpopular - she is really nice and good friends with the others in the team/department. Her and my two other direct team members chat about non-work stuff and don't include me (usually diet stuff or TV show stuff).
My HR manager actually came up and asked me how things were today (when my other 3 team members had gone for coffee again without me) and I said all good but if we could have a quick catch up at some point today. She said sure and so obviously now knows something is wrong - no going back now!
Its been not a great transition back to work for me! I am trying hard to focus on the good and nice people, and leaning fairly heavily on my friends outside of work lately!
Thanks again all x
The Following User Says Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:
22-03-2013 11:31 #45
I'm sorry to hear this witch is still giving you a hard time
It sounds like she is going out of her way to be nasty. Things will need to change or you will end up leaving because you will be miserable.
So, what to do?
You could confront her head on and call her out on her behaviour. I would wait for the next time she is snappy and say something like "Is there a reason you continually snap at me? I'm not used to being spoken to like that by a co-worker and I really don't appreciate it. Do you have a genuine problem with me or do you give all new people here a hard time?"
The 2nd approach would be to make a complaint to management and get them to approach her about it.
Either way it will be a bit uncomfortable for you to have to confront this, but she is leaning towards being a workplace bully and she shouldn't be allowed to treat people badly for no reason.
Let us know what course of action you take
The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:
22-03-2013 11:58 #46
I really hope she pulls her head in and calms down. I had a similar experience once where I was a newbie and this girl was the self appointed office manager. The actual business mgr didn't care for her bad attitude that she was queen bee and was quite happy to step her down a peg when the time came to have a chat about her behaviour. She would only tell me half the answer to a question or just say - its fine I do that, just give it to me. So I wasn't learning anything, she was overly controlling and a little bit of a power tripper.
It turns out she was just reluctant to let me share the workload and be good at my job cause she loved the attention and accolades of being the go to girl for an office and industry full of men.
She ended up going on maternity leave a year or so after I started so before she left the mgr appointed me actual official office mgr- boy did she hate that!! She never really pulled her head in but it got to a point that I didn't need to ask her anything as I knew my job well enough. If anything it motivated me to be better at my job so she didn't have anything to try and pick at me about. I would recommend speaking with HR or your supervisor and bringing it to attention. It seems they might already be aware of the issues and they should be skilled enough to have words with her without implicating you as the one who made the complaint.
Also next time they all go out for coffee don't wait to be asked. Grab your purse and go with them ' oh I'd love a coffee too if you don't mind'
Noone will have the balls to say 'no u can't come' but it will show her she can't crack you or get to you. If you are lovely and professional - it's the biggest insult to her being petty. It will also drive her nuts if you are nothing but lovely to her when she clearly has it in for you.
Best of luck! Hang in there!
22-03-2013 12:05 #47
Good for you OP. I had to eventually report the woman I mentioned in my post above to HR and it was a nerve racking experience but it had got past the point of passive agression on her part and she was making my life a living hell. No one should be made to feel that way in the workplace. I must admit it was awkward for a couple of months after that, but I ended up working there for a couple more years with her as my supervisor and she became a completely different person towards me- it made going work so much easier.
All the best
22-03-2013 13:23 #48
Good to hear!
I keep hearing the word 'gaslighting' when I read your posts - it's like she's doing stuff that is very subtle but it is still a form of bullying. She is banking on you not saying anything.
What you're feeling is significant and it is reasonable that you are feeling like you are, it's not pretend and it's been going on quite a while now.
When you speak to the manager, stick to facts and be specific with incidents. I actually think it is just as important for you to bring it up with her, with people I've managed that have come to me with problems like this about people, I always ask 'have you spoken to them about it?'.
Do you think you can confront her? I'm getting the feeling you would feel uncomfortable being direct with her?
22-03-2013 13:54 #49
I wonder if the person that you are filling in for is a friend of hers and she doesnt want you being good at this role for fear of her friends position being filled by someone else?
Personally if I were you I would talk to her about it. You dont need to come across as confrontational but just approach her about it. Say something like, often when I ask you questions you seem to be upset....or something to that effect. Then if she continues to be *****y then you can go to HR.
Its just that going to HR first and having HR speak to this person may make her get her back up even more IYKWIM.
Good luck tho and I hope it all works out for you!
22-03-2013 16:37 #50
Well I didn't get to speak to my manager today as she was in a meeting when I left but that's fine will catch up with her on Monday.
Babyla no I don't really want to talk to person in question although will if I have to! I just want a no fuss solution and really hate that I have to be the bad guy here and complain.
I think she may have an inkling after this week tbh as I have hardly spoken to her. It's becoming more difficult to *smile away*. My mindset is that I won't stay longer than necessary. The person I'm filling in for has an illness in her immediate family and will hopefully have good news soon and return - she is also a single mum but her children are all grown up and she really needs this job.
Happy it's the wknd!
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