if the company is big enough, i would strongly suggest going to speak with HR for some advice on the best way to deal with this girl. Alternatively, ask your boss if there is someone else that can be your go to person...possibly with a desk allocation next to them for the next few weeks while you finish getting up to speed.
It is possible this other woman is going through something out of work that no one knows about that could result in her jeckle and hyde type personality...ivf or other treatments can play havoc with moods. Not excusing her at all...but, it may one day be explainable. It is hard not to let this sort of stuff get to you but try the keeping a tally idea to have a giggle or think up some good come backs (ideally funny to lighten the mood). Make an effort with other team members, even if just getting a coffee once a week or so.
I hope things improve, it is amazing how much 1 person can effect us.
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05-03-2013 12:46 #31Senior Member
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- Aug 2009
05-03-2013 12:56 #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
I would ask her straight out. Catching someone off guard and forcing them to see how their behaviour is affecting you could make her embarrassed and change. I did this once to a woman who talked to me like an idiot. Day two I told her if I was bothering her so much I would move. She actually couldn't believe it and went out of her way to be nice. I don't think anyone had stood up to her before and she really came around. You don't have to put up with this.
05-03-2013 13:16 #33
Just ask her what her problem with you is. It will probably be enough to make her stop.
05-03-2013 13:21 #34
Aww, hugs MTB, that's a sucky way to feel at work.
Personally, I would start keeping a little diary of what happens - write down dates, times, exactly what is said/done and in what manner. That way, if it doesn't improve, or if it escalates, you can give specific examples when/if you make a complaint and don't sound like you are overreacting.
I did this with a boss who was giving me a hard time once, I ended up not needing it as she improved but it made me feel better knowing I was doing something.
Good luck. Xxx
05-03-2013 13:27 #35
This girl is a bully.
Stand up to her. Call her out and tell her that you won't be putting up with her behaviour any longer.
No need to be nasty about it. A cool demeanour usually does the trick.
But gee, don't let this person continue to rent free space in your head!
05-03-2013 17:57 #36
Thank you all for your advice and thoughts.
It disturbs me that I'm even affected by such things. I'm used to speaking my mind, but I have to be all professional and can't, which is poo.
I don't even think the people I work with know I have a two year-old... Or that I'm a single mum, or anything about me because they haven't asked.
Oh well, at least there's a hot guy a few desks away I can perve on - yep, taking this job real serious right now, lol.
05-03-2013 18:12 #37
I also believe in confronting this sort of stuff head on, people like this bank on you being too nervous, too nice or not liking confrontation and their behaviour continues.
Next time she is rude, call her out "Have I done something to upset you?" when she says no just say "I'm not sure if you're aware of this but when you speak to me like this it is making me feel uncomfortable" - look her dead set in the eyes and wait for her reply or simply follow up with "I would prefer you not to speak to me/treat me like this". Then lighten the mood straight after by saying you're going for a coffee would she like you to bring her back one and act like nothing has happened.
11-03-2013 20:28 #38
Just to quickly report back - all going well. Everyone's being nice, the girl is being nice...! Not sure why but I'm pleased although annoyed that she made my first weeks a bit miserable!
But anyway, improvement, and the others are great and I'm enjoying it more. Thanks
22-03-2013 09:29 #39
Ok so now I don't think I have overreacted.
This girl hates me - I am fed up with her snapping back every. Single. Time I ask her something. I am now at the point where I can't speak to her at all, but have to! Everyone else is ok but this girl is clearly the centre of the team and is good friends with everyone else so I get left out of conversations.
I am going to speak to the HR manager hopefully today. I want to leave this job but can't, I need it right now.
Farrk this is horrible.
22-03-2013 09:31 #40
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