+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,564
    Thanks
    844
    Thanked
    1,073
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Wwyd - Mil issues

    Hi all

    I'll try and keep this as short as I can.

    Been married 4 years and have had 3.5 yrs of issues with my inlaws.
    They dislike the choices we make and are very vocal about it.
    The main issue is that they have 4 or 5 times taken offense to things they **think** I do to them.
    Eg) wen my mil went and blabbed that I was pregnant when it was still a secret, I apparently ignored her and turned my back on her when she was saying hello to me (i didn't do it, but if by chance this did occur it wasn't intentional). They told my DH to make me apologize.
    2) wen my BIL got married, ds1 got sick and ended up in hospital and we missed the ceremony. I left the party to go home, DH stayed and they cornered him, accusing me of sabotaging the wedding and that ds wasn't really sick. The day after ds relapsed and was in hospital for 3 days.
    3)apparently just b4 last Xmas, I posted a status that my Mil was difficult on Facebook. Not true, I don't use Facebook much and wen I do write statuses it's usually banter between my sister and I - which this was. My BIL read the status (which only my sister would have known was about her) and showed mil. FIL then asked my DH to make me apologize to Mil.

    My DH never sticks up for me. It's tearing my marriage apart. We argue like cats Nd dogs and mentally it's getting to my DH as well.

    I am livid over this stupid Facebook status thing. Livid that BIL snitched to his mummy, livid that the family yet again b1tched to DH again, and livid that DH didn't stick up for me by at least telling them not to b1tch about me.

    I want DH to go speak to his parents and tell them to stop. DH doesn't seem to understand that this is an issue for me and that I need him to protect me and be a man. He is too frightened to alienate his family any further. But not confronting them, he is alienating me. And because he doesnt stick up for me, they don't speak to me much, they basically think DH is under the thumb and that I rule the roost.

    Wwyd?

    Would you push the issue? Would you confront them yourself?

    There are so many more things that have occured in 4 years of marriage and I have not handled things the best way I could have, but I just want them to stop meddling in my marriage.

    The end (for now) lol

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    4,778
    Thanks
    1,440
    Thanked
    2,782
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    If I were in your situation I would have more of an issue with my husband than the inlaws. He needs to man up and stick up for you. Your inlaws do sound incredibly frustrating and I would probably say something to them.

  3. #3
    Allymumtobe's Avatar
    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Doreen, melbourne
    Posts
    3,050
    Thanks
    2,193
    Thanked
    1,270
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Wwyd - Mil issues

    Gosh I don't know what I would do!!

    I usually ignore the issues and just keep being lovely till family get over things.

    I would be more frustrated with DH not sticking up for me.

    I'm sorry hugs

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    1,341
    Thanks
    492
    Thanked
    634
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My inlaws can be very problematic/difficult and I truly think the only reason it doesn't get under my skin or effect me too much is because dh has always, always, always been on my 'side'. For absolutely everything. Both mil and sil know that saying anything negative about me to my dh will do them no favours. I think it is only because of this really that as a general rule, we are able to get over issues and move on from them properly.

    I would be incredibly hurt if my dh did not stick up for me with his family. I think this is where your problem lies. Your dh is being disrespectful to you by enabling their behavior, IMO.

    And yes, this issue IS worth pushing with your dh, in my mind.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Barnaby For This Useful Post:

    SoThisIsLove  (27-02-2013)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    2,133
    Thanks
    949
    Thanked
    280
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Wwyd - Mil issues

    I have similar issues with my mil. She ignores me when she comes around and then sends me abusive messages saying how rude I was! This is just the tip of the ice burg. My dh is the same as yours and won't confront her. So I took matters into my own hands and just cut her out! I don't go to things and I don't stop my dh from going! I just decided that it was too much effort to have a relationship with her! I have explained this to both mil in dh. We are expecting our first baby in may and I have explained to both of them that while I don't want a relationship with her I'm not going to stop her from having a relationship with dh and get grandson! I waited around for dh to do something but he didn't.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    869
    Thanks
    318
    Thanked
    70
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I would make it so none of your inlaws can see any of your posts. You can put them in seperate groups. This is easier then deleting them (as tempting as it is) because that will only cause more drama.
    I wouldnt bother acknowledging the facebook issue with your inlaws. I doubt they will ever change.
    But I would mention to your DH that you feel let down but him.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,564
    Thanks
    844
    Thanked
    1,073
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Wwyd - Mil issues

    Quote Originally Posted by mrsboyts View Post
    I have similar issues with my mil. She ignores me when she comes around and then sends me abusive messages saying how rude I was! This is just the tip of the ice burg. My dh is the same as yours and won't confront her. So I took matters into my own hands and just cut her out! I don't go to things and I don't stop my dh from going! I just decided that it was too much effort to have a relationship with her! I have explained this to both mil in dh. We are expecting our first baby in may and I have explained to both of them that while I don't want a relationship with her I'm not going to stop her from having a relationship with dh and get grandson! I waited around for dh to do something but he didn't.
    Well this is the point where I am now. I have told him I'm not going to family functions anymore and so forth.

    I do have massive issues with DH over this. I have said on numerous times if we can't agree on this, then we could end up separating. But I don't want to leave him, he is a good man and a good dad.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,564
    Thanks
    844
    Thanked
    1,073
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Wwyd - Mil issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Amira View Post
    I would make it so none of your inlaws can see any of your posts. You can put them in seperate groups. This is easier then deleting them (as tempting as it is) because that will only cause more drama.
    I wouldnt bother acknowledging the facebook issue with your inlaws. I doubt they will ever change.
    But I would mention to your DH that you feel let down but him.
    Yep I've already done the privacy setting thing.

    I just can't believe I'm part of something so petty. I feel like I'm 16 and someone's dobbed on me. I'm 36 ffs.

    I've spoken to DH so much about this. Nothing works, he can't seem to fathom that I just want him to have a conversation with them rather than cutting them off all together.
    There is no grey with him. It's either black or white. If he says something to them, he likens it to cutting them off for good.

  10. #9
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,626
    Thanks
    705
    Thanked
    875
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I guess you just have to be careful what you put on Facebook. It was obviously obvious that you were referring to them and I can see how they were hurt. Just don't give them a reason to pick fights with you or dislike you. Be the "hero" and always be nice and they will look like fools!!

  11. #10
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    804
    Thanks
    222
    Thanked
    292
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I would block them from facebook, don't make excuses if they ask why you blocked them tell them they are causing drama's out of nothing and that you are not interested.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Wwyd - nap at 2.45 pm?
    By GuestMember in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-05-2012, 17:12
  2. Wwyd?
    By JaneDoe in forum General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 24-04-2012, 13:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Baby Car Seats and Infant Car RestraintsBuying a baby car seat? Check out our 'go-to' links here!
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›