I am an anxious person, and since 2007 I have always put other people before me. The past week, maybe a bit more... I've decided screw it, I'm going to think about just me and what I want for a little while, I just wanted to be alone and figure everything out. One of my friends hasn't taken that well, and ever since she has been texting and posting about me 'changing' in social network websites. My 'me' time hasn't even started yet. She has turned the whole situation into something it didn't need to be. I have decided that my families needs will come before others, and although I will help where I can I won't be dropping everything and going out of my way for people anymore, the stress was just getting to me too much. I'm sorry, I needed a vent. Did anyone else go through this? And am I being too selfish in what I'm doing?
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24-02-2013 09:46 #1
I have been being selfish.
24-02-2013 10:05 #2
No, you are not. It is completely natural to want to put your family needs first. Maybe your friend is annoyed because she may have to think and act for herself, rather than rely on you. Does she have a family of her own? If she doesn't, then it is easy to understand why she doesn't understand why you are prioritising your family first.
You are definitely not being selfish
24-02-2013 10:10 #3
Have you explained to your friend what you're doing? She may think that you're suddenly acting 'selfish' because you're not dropping everything to do what she wants and she's just not used to that.
That doesn't make her right, but if she doesn't realise that you're just reclaiming some me time for a reason then she might think you've just become selfish.
Bit unfair of her, but perhaps you just need to explain the way you have here. That you've done everything for everyone else for years now and that you need a break to do things for yourself.
If she still whinges after that, give her the flick. She's clearly become dependent on your giving nature and that's not a friend. It's a user.
24-02-2013 10:46 #4
I have been being selfish.
I have explained, she has a family. It makes no sense.
25-02-2013 08:32 #5
I think others take advantage of people who experience anxiety and like to please others and put them first, so when you suddenly put boundaries down and make some changes in your life, these people don't like it (if you think about it, they are so used to moulding you to how and what they want), and up the ante with making you feel guilty. I've been in your position, mainly around family but also some friends, and over the last 18 months have made some huge decisions about my own emotional rights and how I deserve to be treated (strangely coincided with starting IVF)...let me tell you at first it was a rocky road, the guilt just ate at me, made worse with specific people trying to make me feel bad, but I persevered with the wonderful support of my DH. I had some really good friends who I could talk to honestly, and I also ended up getting some counselling, which I never thought I ever needed, but the yucky emotions made me feel so anxious and lacking in confidence, I felt I had to give it a go.....I only went a few times but it was really helpful in giving strength to my focus and new priorities. I'm so glad I made these changes now, as I now realise important behaviours and values I want to share with my baby as a family. Yes, I have ended up distancing some friends, who don't quite understand, but I've come to realise how exhausting those people were and I feel much healthier...I still see them, but not that often, and I'm at the point where I don't feel bad for saying no to them. Good for you for making changes to prioritise your family - and hold your head up high and say, yes, I have changed, and yes, I have become selfish for me and my family, and it's great! Why is it that society makes women feel so bad for being selfish.....grrrr!
Last edited by Renvind; 25-02-2013 at 08:36.
25-02-2013 09:54 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
no of course not, you are not selfish hun. i have just started doing this too. ive had it to the back teeth trying to please everyone, especially my in laws. and then when it comes to our family/us nobody gives a hoot. so i said to my dh that tough luck im not going out of my way for nobody. i'm just over it i really am. i said to hubby ''why SHOULD we always be the ones bending over backwards when nobody does it for us''?
25-02-2013 10:13 #7
I have been being selfish.
You are not selfish at all, sometimes you need to put yourself and your family first. I'd say the friend is just annoyed that they have to do it all themselves now. It's so draining being the friend that drops everything for everyone else and can make you feel lost with yourself.
So stick to it, put yourself and family first and if your friend can't hack it, ignore them.
Sent from my Unicorn.
25-02-2013 10:50 #8
People don't like change. You're changing in a way that benefits you and your family, not your friend. She's acting very quickly to guilt you into going back to the way things were. What sort of things did you used to do for her that she is now unhappy about losing?
I got told I had changed. I think it was for the better
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