When it was just me & DS I thought how am I going to love DD (pregnant with her at the time) as much as I love DS, I even said to DP a couple of times that I was worried I wouldnt love her. Now DD is here (6months) it's totally the opposite. I feel I love DD more, maybe it's because she is such a easy baby sleeps thru the night barely crys & no matter how she feels she always laughs or has a smile on her face & I think that's what melts my heart and makes me love her more, but deep down inside I love them both the same & know that if anything ever happened to them or one of them I would die because they are my kids & I love them so much. When DD is asleep which is always lol. I do things with DS to show him I love him and to show him I'm still his mum, because I know he would be affected by a new baby sister taking mummies time away So your not alone.
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22-02-2013 09:31 #21
Do you really love your kids the same?
22-02-2013 10:46 #22
When I first had DS I felt upset because I loved my dogs more than him
It took time for me (I also had quite bad PND so that didn't help) to bond with him. I found what really helped was when he got to about 3 months and his personality started to show through, and now he is nearly 5 months and he smiles and giggles at everything I just love him to bits! I don't really think its accurate for some women to be expected to be instantly besotted with a new baby, even my husband felt the same. Don't feel bad, you will get there in time
22-02-2013 11:23 #23
But I love her so much!! I love both my girls dd1 is 2 and going through a demanding difficult stage which makes life difficult!
Now dd2 is 9 months they play together which melts my heart. I don't believe I love one more than the other, I love them both equally but for different reasons.
Dd1 had to grow up quicker being a big sister but she loves it she tells me she is a big sister like Dora, Peppa pig and angelina ballerina.
It does get easier!!
22-02-2013 11:42 #24
When my second child was born, my toddler had such a hard time dealing with the new baby that it felt like I was yelling and angry at her all the time for a while - and a little part of me resented her for not letting me get to know my new baby the way I'd wanted to. But I knew why she was behaving that way (age - the Terrible Twos - was definitely a factor) and things got better. My mother used to say, "I will always love you, but sometimes I don't like your behaviour and I don't want to be around you right now" and I found that helpful for dealing with my DD at that time (and yes, it's become one of my sayings now too).
I can say with absolute certainty that I love both my children equally...but sometimes I like spending time with one more than the other
Last edited by SeaShanty; 22-02-2013 at 11:50.
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22-02-2013 12:18 #25
I don't know about loving them equally. Every adult I love, I love differently. And I think that's true with my children. I love my children differently but I love them both for themselves. Dd1 & I are very different and it's a bit of work to make it work Iukwim. Dd2 on the other hand is like a little mini-me, I just understand her. looking back on when they were babies, it has always been like this, personalities have always been at play. I adore them both though, and I find so many other differences between them, loving them differently is just another one. One likes sweet, one likes savoury. One is outgoing, one is shy. My bond with dd2 is very special because it's so natural and easy, but my bond with dd1 is also very special because we've had to work at it.
I don't know if that makes sense but I'm gonna post it anyway
22-02-2013 12:24 #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
It is a tough one, I think I love all my kids the same - but different. Makes no sense I know, but I love different things about each? Does that make sense? I also have an ASD child, he is really trying. I know he doesn't mean it, but sometimes I think I may even go easier on him than I would if he wasn't. And to others that seems like favouritism, but it really isn't. Arrgh.
22-02-2013 13:05 #27
Re: Do you really love your kids the same?
Yes I love them the same but I do get on better with dd, maybe that's because she's more laid back and quiet and nothing bothers her. Ds on the other hand is a wonderful kid but is more highly strung than dd.
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22-02-2013 13:13 #28
Do you really love your kids the same?
I love them all equally but i enjoy/bond with them on different levels.
Dont freak out xox
22-02-2013 13:19 #29has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
I love them the same but I find one child more difficult than my others to get along with.
22-02-2013 13:23 #30
You are definitely not alone. I have friends who choose to have one child cos they say with more than one, there is the inevitability of favouritism. I always felt I would never practise favouritism but for now I cannot help it.
My situation is opposite of yours. My DS1 is 7 and I love him to bits but he irritates the heck out of me constantly just because he is 7, constantly asking questions, constantly challenging me, constantly badgering etc and drives me insane at times . DS2 is only 4 months and when he cries or smiles, my heart just melts. I think due to huge age gap, I am enjoying being a brand new mother all over again. I had a wonderful time with DS1 and am experiencing the same thing all over again with DS2.
DS1 being very active and vocal, has often being reprimanded by DH and me. I feel ultra protective towards DS2 just because he is fragile baby and DS1 is usually rather clumsy and rough around his little brother. (Having said that I must do my DS1 justice in that when he is conscious, he is actually extremely careful around his brother)
There were honestly moments when I felt like a horrible mum to secretly harbour these sort of favouritism feelings. I even had DS1 asking me if I love baby brother more than him . And DH even had to tell me off when I was being too harsh on DS1. So yes, I was certainly practising favouritism. I do hope this is just a phase and I believe it is a phase. I make sure I spend quality one on more time with DS1 and have lots cuddles with him.
Deep down, if I had to die for my sons, I wont choose which one. I would gladly sacrifice my life for either one. I think that tells me I do love them both the same.
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