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  1. #1
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    Default Middle name dilemma

    Bub arrives in 2 weeks and I have planned on the middle name being William, which is a family name for exDH.

    However he has just randomly texted me (yes texted about something so important ) saying he wants this baby to have his first name as the middle name now.

    I'm really shocked and quite frankly don't feel comfortable with that at the moment. DH left us when I was 4mths pregnant, with no valid explanation or warning. DS1 was only 13mths old at the time, so it's been really difficult.

    Part of me thinks I should just do it, because I was still going to honour his family with William anyway since I don't go back on my word. But it now feels rather strange to be naming this boy after a father that abandoned us before he was even born.

    Am I being irrational because of the shock and unexpected request? Just need time to absorb it maybe? What would you do?

    FYI - he will be a part of the boys lives. He has finally started spending regular time with DS1 at least which is great. At the start he wasn't.

  2. #2
    lambjam's Avatar
    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Default Middle name dilemma

    I don't think you're being irrational at all. Even if you were happily together it's very late in the game to make such big changes to a name you were happy with!

    If William is a family name I would think that's more than generous given his behaviour.

    Good luck, I hope you go with a solution you're happy with

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    Default Middle name dilemma

    My first reaction would be no way. Uh uh. My father left my mother when I was little, and I even resented having his name as my last name when I was a kid. He was still in my life, I knew who he was iykwim, but I *hated* the fact that he didn't care enough about me to stick around.

    Sorry to be so opinionated, but I don't think you owe your exDH anything like such an honour. And William is a lovely name.

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    Default Middle name dilemma

    I would stick with William, I think you are super nice honouring his family at all, but I do love the name William
    Best of luck.

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    Default Middle name dilemma

    I would stick to your guns. He doesn't deserve anything more than you're already offering (and you're being very generous with that!)

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    Default Middle name dilemma

    Thanks ladies - good to know I'm not being irrational. Although I'm still confused with what to do.

    His family are very dysfunctional and offer no support whatsoever. None of them have even contacted me since DH left suddenly, to check to ensure I'm ok or even DS. So part of me would be happy to ditch William! I just don't know if replacing that with DH's name is any better at the moment....

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    I wouldn't give DH the honour, frankly I would be considering all the names surname included given his and his family's behaviour.
    Choose which ever name you like best and goes best with the first name you have chosen. Hopefully all goes well for you and your boys!

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    Default Middle name dilemma

    Don't do it

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    Default Middle name dilemma

    I also think you owe him and his family nothing, name-wise. The fact that he thinks he can text you and tell you to name the baby after him (well, middle name after him!) after he left you... It's cheeky at best and delusional/ narcissistic at worst.

    Sounds like you are being more than generous to him considering his poor behaviour, and if there was ever a situation in which the mum alone gets to choose the name, it's yours!! Xoxo

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    No way. He doesn't deserve the time of day from you, let alone any say in what you name the baby he abandoned.


 

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