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  1. #1
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    Question Baptism Q

    Hello

    I'm not Catholic but my partner comes from a Catholic family. His family are quiet traditional in some ways still, but as for my partner, he hasn't been to church for many years, not to say he doesn't consider himself a Catholic still.

    Anyhow, he mentioned the other day he wants our child to get baptised.

    It instantly irked me, and I snapped back 'Oh yea, so you and this child don't go to hell but me and my son do, right?'

    What a cruel thing of me to say, and I admitted to that afterward.

    Anyhow, I don't like religion, and I don't want to put one on our child. My first born (not my partners child) is of a muslim father but was never introduced to any religion and I even told that father before the son was born that we would let the child decide his own faith when and if he showed interest.

    I'd like to do the same with this child (not put a faith on the child but educate on all religions and ways and let them chose their faith) but I know he wouldn't be too happy about this.

    In the end, it's just me against his whole family on this matter. I am cornered.

    Don't both parents have to be part of the church to have the child baptised, or is this an old rule? I'm kind of hoping it's still a tough rule adhered to today as it may be my only argument to use!

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    Default Baptism Q

    No, both parents do not have to be Catholic. I don't see it as 'putting a religion on them', they can still chose in the future if they decide to follow a different religion, but why does your partner want his child baptised if he isn't practicing? There must be a reason. If he has no intention of taking the child to mass and speaking of his beliefs, then the ceremony is really pointless in my opinion.

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    I've had those same thought.. 'why'
    I will have to ask him again tonight - why - i mean unless he's going to be going to church with this child each week, WHY?! If it's to 'follow the rules' or something of the family up bringing, well thats about to be changed!

    Do you need both parents ok to baptise?

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    I don't know if it's the case of your husband, but it's very common for catholic families to baptize their children even if don't attend church regularly. Maybe it's just the thing they do in his family ykwim?

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    I am not comfortable so I think this is going to be battle on.

    He agreed we would name the child in my last name as we are not married and I said I would not have the two kids with different last names, and he agreed, and also agreed it would be simpler to change all over to his name at the same time when/if we marry.

    So with that battle easily won, next is the baptism. Maybe i can use the 'can't have one child done and the other not, they will fight over who's going to hell and who's not'

    I really am NOT comfy with this idea at all, so I think we will have to talk more! I do not want my child 'offered/bathed in a faith' that will not actively be participated in and I aint changing my religious views for anyone!

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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    So last time I checked there was no offering up... not really sure where that comes from. If both of you take this view, where is the middle ground drawn? Surely a relationship is about give and take?
    please do not take my words so literal!

    I am not hating on religion, I just don't know what words to use when talking about 'baptising a child into the faith'

    In a sense, isn't it offering your child to that faith? Your bathing them in the faith? This is how I meant for it to be read, not as if your offering them as a sacrifice to some demon!

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    My husband and his family is of catholic faith and they wanted to get DS baptised. I said yeah sure but just failed to organise it. He is now 2.5 years.

    My issue was that they do not follow the religion...they break all the rules and don't go to church except for Christmas sometimes. They just seem to use it when it suits them for example wanting me to get married in a church.

    I know my husband would never take my DS to church and so I really didn't see the point. I think sometimes it is more pressure from the extended family - all the cousins and other grand kids are baptised.

    Maybe make a deal - tell the family they have to be good catholics....no birth control, no sex before marriage etc etc Church every Sunday and once they keep that up for a year, you might decide to do it!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashfirst View Post
    My husband and his family is of catholic faith and they wanted to get DS baptised. I said yeah sure but just failed to organise it. He is now 2.5 years.

    My issue was that they do not follow the religion...they break all the rules and don't go to church except for Christmas sometimes. They just seem to use it when it suits them for example wanting me to get married in a church.

    I know my husband would never take my DS to church and so I really didn't see the point. I think sometimes it is more pressure from the extended family - all the cousins and other grand kids are baptised.

    Maybe make a deal - tell the family they have to be good catholics....no birth control, no sex before marriage etc etc Church every Sunday and once they keep that up for a year, you might decide to do it!
    Awesome post! thank you

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    When organising a baptism you need to have a meeting with the Parish secretary and Father (Priest) before you have a Baptismal ceremony and *most* like to have it during Mass, therefore although some churches may be a bit more liberal than others (in terms of having only one parent Catholic), I think you will find your husband will have a bit of difficulty when it comes time to organise and meet with a parish Father etc if you're not committed to having your child baptised in the Catholic faith.
    At the very least it would be very awkward and obvious, especially when it came time to discussing the ins and outs of the baptism etc if one parent was not consenting so to speak.

    It's a tough one, that's why I think it's so important for couples to discuss these types of things pre-marriage/pre relationship, pre kids, so this type of thing doesn't become an issue down the track and you both know where you stand.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Uniquey View Post
    It's a tough one, that's why I think it's so important for couples to discuss these types of things pre-marriage/pre relationship, pre kids, so this type of thing doesn't become an issue down the track and you both know where you stand.
    This pregnancy was very much unexpected. We were not trying, we were being careful and we had discussed talking about having kids at the end of the year and going from there, so we would have had time to have these important conversations.

    Unfortunately, the universe has stepped in and we are expecting now and we have to figure out how to make it work, now.


 

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