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  1. #61
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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Well in glad my job isn't competitive. I could not trample on others to get ahead. There's more to life than money and climbing the corporate ladder.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    Are you kidding me?! You sound like a very competitive person- and not in a healthy way. I would never teach and never wish that my children would develop this kind of an attitude.
    Im actually not a very competitive person, i just know what the real world is like. Ive always strived to do well and sometimes ive 'won' and sometimes i havent. Doesnt mean im unforfilled in my life it means i understand that you wont 'win' all the time. Dont get me wrong i love winning (who doesnt) but im also ok if i dont win, so long as i know ive done MY best. Can you imagine if my netball team was given a ribbon every game, even when we lost by 15 points?? I would rather get a trophy for winning the season knowing we REALLY WERE the best.
    If my children dont win i will say 'well done, you tried hard maybe you'll win next time'.

    For those that have kids who are (as they say) average at everything. What better way to find the thing they are THE BEST at that to encourage them to try everything and evenually find the thing they ARE the best at. And also, be Good at a lot of things rather than the best at one thing is ok too. Im in fact one of those people. I am good at alot of things but not the best at one thing in particular. And im happy to be that way.
    As a child i was encouraged to try everything and to do well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    But it doesnt change what it is. It IS the real world. Yes it would be nice if life wasnt as competitive as it is but it JUST IT. Its our responsiblitly as parent to teach our children the ways of thw world and the world is what it is.
    We can change the world one foot race at a time.

    Woman were second class citizens for generations simply because that is the way the world was

    'Colored' people were second class citizens for generations simply becasue that is the way the world was

    These views of the world are getting addressed slowly and the tide is turning

    LGBNT people have been deemed irrelevant or worse and slowly that is being addressed

    Maybe, one day we can also change the competitive culture of dog eat dog into a more socialist view and one day it will be about being in the race and not being the winner that will matter the most - and we start the change of culture with our children

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    I certainly think there is a happy medium. I do not agree with " every child wining a prize" because that is then saying you don't need to try any harder then "average". I also do not agree with highly competitive behavior in children as we do need to encourage participation, just not at the expense of rewarding effort.
    This is coming form the other end of the scale with a child who is very capable in a lot of areas but will not put in any effort as "Why should I, I still am in the top group anyway" So it is impossible to get her to do any form or homework, reading or music practise. Part of this is because she never gets any awards. Yes, she is the top of the class for most things, but every award goes to the kids who "need encouragement" forgetting that even those at the top need recognition as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    A reward shouldn't be instigation to really make an attempt to do your best. Acknowledgement that you've done your best is something that should come from inside and we should be teaching our kids that.

    If we teach them that they must receive external acknowledgment for every little thing then they're going to be shattered when they get out into the real world and people don't pat them on the back every time they do something.
    good point

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    There is always going to be competition, I don't think that'll change and I'm not sure it'd be a positive change if it did. You work hard at something- you'll be rewarded. If you don't, than no reward.

    I think the "good effort", "I'm proud of you for trying" etc needs to come from the parents. The physical reward of "You ARE the best because you scored the highest points!" should come from the judges. The parents and judges can each decide for themselves how they reward- whether that's a pat on the back or a big effin trophy!

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  10. #67
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    see, i think the being paid analogy is a good one. And yes, sometimes...people who excel get awards and prizes...but everyone gets paid.

    no one is saying that kids that don't come 1st should get the same as the kid who does....but recognising their effort and ability is just like them getting a pay check.

    I have never worked in an office where you had to outdo the people next to you...I worked in sales..and as much as we had individual targets we also had office ones so every sale was celebrated and it was made clear that we all needed each other to succeed. I loved it and we were very very successful.

    This type of "someone has to be the best" mentality...it breaks teams apart. Makes them compete with each other instead of working together and get angry at people for making mistakes instead of boosting each other up.

    Like most things, it is about balance and has to happen in the home AS WELL as at school.

    My only issue with the schools is that sporting has clear winners but often, academic success not given the same celebration...so for my kid who is average sports but excels academically, he got no recognition. I think that sports should not be raised above other activities and praised like they are...i think that is where our society is going wrong. When someone kicking a football gets paid more than someone saving lives...something is very wrong!

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Haven't read all the replies. But op I do agree with you.

    I think its important and healthy to grow a hunger for something. To be competitive and give it your absolute all to achieve.

    In saying that I also don't think its something that we shouldn't encourage or start encouraging till a reasonable age of say 8. Reasons for this is because I think its also important to teach children compassion, equality etc. to be a good sport and to gain confidence in something. If we don't have good encouragement for the little ones (by awarding them all) they may loose confidence straight up.

    I think its about stepping up to being competitive. I also think some parents push their children to be to competitive which producers those who aren't a good sport and infact can be nasty and gloat.

    I would hope that I teach my children the importance to strive to do their best, to be goodsposts, to acknowledge when others have achieved a great goal (whether they have won or not) and to be proud of them selves. I would like them to be hungry to win but not be nasty in order to do so. I would hope they are modest winners and not ones to gloat.

    I think pushing them to be competitive to young doesn't give them the chance to grow a healthy competitive nature) but all in all I do think when the right times (age) comes I would hope that those who win would be awarded for their efforts and those who have tried be also awarded for their efforts (2 different awards)

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    Default Re: Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post

    Maybe, one day we can also change the competitive culture of dog eat dog into a more socialist view and one day it will be about being in the race and not being the winner that will matter the most - and we start the change of culture with our children
    Competition in the real world is a good thing...up to a point. If your child is sick, would you prefer to take them to a doctor, or to "the best" doctor in that field?
    However some do take competitiveness too far. I've always told my kids (now 13 & 11) I dont care about the grades/winning etc as long as you've tried your best. However the last year or so I've had to change that and start demanding better grades...because they have stopped trying their best. The change in their behaviour is amazing. Rather than coming home and watching tv, they now come home and do their homework, put in study etc. Sometimes as parents we have to accept their best, but sometimes we have to demand results, and that is what happens in the 'real world'.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    I used to explain to our graduates that when it came to performance review time, that getting a "3" was good (performing at expected levels, meeting basic goals etc). I explained that we (the company) didn't employ them to be "average" or even "satisfactory" we employed them because We expected them to work hard and do a good job.

    Some of them took it better than others and some of them even managed to perform above expectations and get a "2" rating ("1" was the best).


 

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