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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    Winning or losing doesn't actually mean you did or didn't do your best, it simply means someone was superior. It only means someone did their best or least when everyone has the same capacity, strength, size, weight etc etc.
    Why does everything have to be about winning and losing? Why can't it be about being rewarded for making an effort and trying? Why does someone had to be placed on a pedestal and everyone else made to feel as though they are not good enough? Everyone wants their efforts to recognised, regardless of their age. Making anyone feel as though no matter how much effort they put in they will not be recognised unless they are the best does little to improve participation levels and instead often makes people (yes not just children!) lackadaisical and apathetic.

    Perhaps if we start appreciating and valuing the efforts of young children this will grow with them and help develop a better society in future?
    Does this happen at your job? Do you get praised for EVERYTHING that you do? If so, i want your job. This is what i mean, the the REAL world there is a certain amount of expectation and if you can t meet those expectations you will fail. To be successful in the real world you must go above and beyond anyone who gets in your way. Why cant we teach this to our children. If we dont they will learn it the hard way!!

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    I'd have to agree mm. I'm not a competitive person, I don't need to compare myself to others to better myself career-wise or in any other factor of life.

    Not everybody has the ability to be a top sports player, nor the ability to be an award winning scientist. And it doesn't matter, so long as you do what makes you fulfilled in life.

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    I think there needs to be balance. After working in law for 20 years and being surrounded by people obsessed with winning, personally I think winning can be overrated. I know a lot of adults who are very sore losers and could learn a lot from today's kids about rewarding effort (even if you don't always win).

    And I do believe in the modern workplace people can get a "great job" even if they don't actually "win" at the end of the day.

    At DD's school the kids in the junior school get a merit ribbon for trying in a running race but there are still palces for 1st, 2nd the 3rd. From year 3 it's only 1st, 2nd and 3rd. Apart from running nothing else gets a merit ribbon. There's no glowing praise for just turning up.

    She's been in this system for a few years now and used to get upset if she tried and didn't win, but understands now not everyone can win and, more importantly, if she doesn't try she won't win. I'd rather her not be so focused on winning as ultimately I'm not sure it makes for happiness (from what I've seen anyway).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    I'm still on the fence with this - on one hand DH and I are very competitive and are in highly competitive jobs (sales) but on the other 2 year old DS has started Montessori toddler pre school and they are very big on no praise and no competition until high school and I must say it seems to work!
    Instead of saying "good job " or "good boy" they say not to acknowledge the child but to acknowledge the deed so when he picks up his toys and puts them away you don't say "good boy" you say "Elijah put his toys away all by himself" which gives him a sense of acknowledgment not the I'm so unreal feeling of constant praise (if that makes sense!)
    Also at their fun run last year we went to watch, the kids looked all so happy participating , the older kids that were coming first actually stopped and went back to help the little kids and they all crossed the finish line together celebrating finishing the run instead of "winning" , at my nieces fun run at the local school half were in tears by not winning and the others were running around gloating so I think a balance maybe is the best way?
    Agree with their methods.

    Acknowledgement is the key. Its so much more meaningful than praising with a "good boy" good boy for what? Where as if you say "I like the way you have made that tower really tall" You are acknowledging their achievements in a more meaningful way. You can also introduce further learning or achievements if things didnt work out with acknowledgment too like "I can see what your trying to achieve how else do you think you could do it" etc.
    Terrible examples but I think my point can be found in there somewhere haha

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    Default Re: Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I'd have to agree mm. I'm not a competitive person, I don't need to compare myself to others to better myself career-wise or in any other factor of life.

    Not everybody has the ability to be a top sports player, nor the ability to be an award winning scientist. And it doesn't matter, so long as you do what makes you fulfilled in life.
    Thanks Benji I was just trying to say pretty much this but my brain is mush today

    I think the problem comes with comparing. Especially in young children. It can be incredibly detrimental to a child to say "you need to try harder, like 'such'n'such' does". But there is nothing wrong with encouraging your child to do their best, regardless of the outcome.

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using BubHub

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  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I'd have to agree mm. I'm not a competitive person, I don't need to compare myself to others to better myself career-wise or in any other factor of life.
    Not everybody has the ability to be a top sports player, nor the ability to be an award winning scientist. And it doesn't matter, so long as you do what makes you fulfilled in life.
    But that is just the thing isn't it? You don't need to be handed material awards or prizes to make you feel fulfilled in life. You can accept that other people are excelling in certain fields and be happy for them to win their awards without it making you feel inferior in any way. I think it is more valuable for children to learn this, rather than expecting to be given an award regardless of what they do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    To be successful in the real world you must go above and beyond anyone who gets in your way.
    I think this is a problem. The real world is supremely screwed up because of the idea that we must be the best while crushing anyone who gets in your way. I'd like to see better for the world.

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    A reward shouldn't be instigation to really make an attempt to do your best. Acknowledgement that you've done your best is something that should come from inside and we should be teaching our kids that.

    If we teach them that they must receive external acknowledgment for every little thing then they're going to be shattered when they get out into the real world and people don't pat them on the back every time they do something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meg2 View Post
    But that is just the thing isn't it? You don't need to be handed material awards or prizes to make you feel fulfilled in life. You can accept that other people are excelling in certain fields and be happy for them to win their awards without it making you feel inferior in any way. I think it is more valuable for children to learn this, rather than expecting to be given an award regardless of what they do.
    I've never come across this so far since becoming a parent over 6 years ago.

    I am rewarded, despite having a mundane job. It's called being paid

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meg2 View Post
    But that is just the thing isn't it? You don't need to be handed material awards or prizes to make you feel fulfilled in life. You can accept that other people are excelling in certain fields and be happy for them to win their awards without it making you feel inferior in any way. I think it is more valuable for children to learn this, rather than expecting to be given an award regardless of what they do.
    it is very unlikely that a 2 and 4 year old are going to comprehend this. That kind of teaching should be aimed at older children. If they try their best then that should be acknowledged . Whether that is simply by saying "wow C, you tried really hard during reading group today" or a merit award that says "C has learnt her sight words". This is a huge confidence boost for little people who are at a crucial developmental stage.

    Effort deserves recognition which will encourage the child to continue with the task/skill/sport and to try even harder. Just because they aren't the BEST at something but are trying their hardest doesn't mean they are not as deserving.


 
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