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  1. #21
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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    At my kids schools sport days all children get a ribbon of some sort. There are the usual 1st 2nd and 3rd ribbons and then the other kids get an 'I ran in a race' ribbon which is much smaller but a ribbon none the less.

    They dot get it for 'merely turning up', they get it for trying and giving it a go! It is encouragement in itself to at least try.
    The children who place in the top three still get recognition for winning with the fancier ribbons and by standing on the podiums and announced over the speakers.

    I think it works well this way. There is incentive to participate and to try harder to 'win' the better prize.

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  3. #22
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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemarlin View Post
    I couldn't agree with you more. Society is setting these kids up for failure in the real world
    Totally agree. I see so many fresh graduates enter the workforce and really struggle when they find out that they're not as awesome as they've been told for the last 20 years!

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    I have a 10 year old daughter, an 11 year old step daughter and an 8 year old step son. They have all participated in sports/activities since age 4 (roughly) including swimming, soccer, dance a d now basketball. I've got to be honest, I haven't seen a lot of what you describe, OP. they've received encouragement awards at presentations days, but not participation awards. I think the only time they've received a participation award was for a walkathon? It was just a certificate saying they'd completed the walk. No big deal. I've hear this is more ott over in America.

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by acerbaby View Post
    There was a great Insight debate on this very same subject and one of the points discussed was that this attitude can develop narcissism. ?
    So true!

    SD stayed with MIL and FIL for 10 days last Summer when we were overseas. They OTT praised her for EVERYTHING and said she was "the best" at this, the best at that. Well, reality check when we came home because most of those behaviours were just expected (manners, dishes in the sink etc).

    When she went to school again though she really fell apart! No way were other 7-8yr olds going to listen day in day out to how awesome she was when honestly she's not! (I mean in an overall sense, there are many things she can't do eg sports but she's much better than a lot of kids her age at drawing). The fallout from that come down was a lot harder to "fix" than just being told sometimes xyz is better at doing sports or whatever.

    It also became dangerous when she thought she could dive into a pool (she had only had two lessons at diving and belly flopped badly both times) as she refused help because "I'm already the best". Made it hard for her coach and endangered other kids too as SD refused to listen or stand in line while the coach was demonstrating technique/safety etc.

    She also lost some friendships with her attitude that a year on are not quite repaired.

    I'm all for encouraging participation and giving things a go but I do think at times children are handled too cautiously, particularly in school situations.

    At SD's last school, everyone just received white ribbons saying Congratulations. There were no special ribbons for first/second/third. This was from Prep to Yr 7. I think that's just sad!

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    The issue is that some children really do TRY & still don't win. It does not work for all children that if they work hard at something they will win. That attitude is harmful too in my opinion. I totally value hard work and effort, don't get me wrong, but some children will never excel at sport and others will never excel academically. But does that mean they shouldn't be encouraged to try THEIR best? I'm not suggesting that children who don't do much or don't try get rewarded, but I do believe that children who aren't 'the best' or 'the winner' can still qualify for awards. Especially young children!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ElleB View Post
    So true!

    SD stayed with MIL and FIL for 10 days last Summer when we were overseas. They OTT praised her for EVERYTHING and said she was "the best" at this, the best at that. Well, reality check when we came home because most of those behaviours were just expected (manners, dishes in the sink etc).

    When she went to school again though she really fell apart! No way were other 7-8yr olds going to listen day in day out to how awesome she was when honestly she's not! (I mean in an overall sense, there are many things she can't do eg sports but she's much better than a lot of kids her age at drawing). The fallout from that come down was a lot harder to "fix" than just being told sometimes xyz is better at doing sports or whatever.

    It also became dangerous when she thought she could dive into a pool (she had only had two lessons at diving and belly flopped badly both times) as she refused help because "I'm already the best". Made it hard for her coach and endangered other kids too as SD refused to listen or stand in line while the coach was demonstrating technique/safety etc.

    She also lost some friendships with her attitude that a year on are not quite repaired.

    I'm all for encouraging participation and giving things a go but I do think at times children are handled too cautiously, particularly in school situations.

    At SD's last school, everyone just received white ribbons saying Congratulations. There were no special ribbons for first/second/third. This was from Prep to Yr 7. I think that's just sad!
    All of that damage was caused by 10 days with her grandparents? That's extraordinary.

    See I have no problem at all with grandparents thinking their grandkids are the "best". My kids get a reality check enough in life (particularly by 7 year old at school and from her peers) I love the idea of grandparents indulging for a week or so. Maybe it just depends on the child? We spend time with my parents and they think my kids are the greatest and it puffs them up with pride while they are there but has no knock on effect for the rest of the year. I like to think that's part of the fun of being the grandparent.

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    yep yep yep. DS used to play soccer and at that age, they wouldn't keep score. I did, and when DS asked he they won or lost- I'd tell him. You won! YAY! You lost! Oh well, they were a tough team, you still had fun and you'll do better next time.

    It's a fact of life that theres a winner and a loser as a result of sports. I'm not about to hide that fact. It's how you lose that's the winner.

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    The only time during my DS1's sports day that participation awards are handed out is the running races.

    I dont mind. I think rewarding participation is a good thing - it encourages them to give it a go - is that not valuable within his age group? Are we not, in the real world, supposed to put in effort and give things a go?

    Honestly, theres all this time for them to learn about winning, losing, work ethic, etc, so, is it that big a deal that the kids shows they are watching at the moment only featuring ties?

    Not really, hey?

    I hope you are providing some sort of reward for your child when effort is made - thats more valuable than winning.

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    I agree, and to everyone saying what about the kids who never win - if they're truly trying their best then they should be recognized for doing so. The op is arguing for genuine participation and effort to be rewarded, not just "everyone gets a prize for turning up."

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    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    All of that damage was caused by 10 days with her grandparents? That's extraordinary.
    Yes! She already has a multitude of issues, sees a psych etc and is so very, very literal. If it's said, it must be true in her mind. It took a good six months to "re-wire" her without damaging her confidence/self-esteem but having to teach humility and grace. She would literally walk up to her friends and say "I'm the best at this game" and then would crack it and end up in the office when she couldn't understand the game. It was very exhausting. It still can be because she will say "But Nanny says I'm the best at reading" when she chooses a novel at the library instead of something at her level.

    (Her grandparents were/are well aware of her issues, had seen reports etc but thought we were exaggerating. *Now* they understand!)


 

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