+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 9 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 88
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,379
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked
    637
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Every single cartoon/kids show there is always a TIE at the end of a game/competition. Every child gets a 'participation' award even if they dont finish the race.

    What i see happening is we are teaching our kids that if they do the bare minimum they will be rewarded for it. We are teaching them that even if you do your best it wont be rewarded. As parents arentwe responsible for preparing our children for the real world.
    Someone please tell me what job rewards mediocity? Tell me what job in the real word will reward you for just showing up.

    This drives me crazy. Why is it not ok to make a big deal for that one child that has done their very best and come first/won. To me making a bit gdeal about being the best/winning should be ok, this will encourage others to do their very best and win.

    I would rather my childcome last and be encourged to improve than get an award for mearly showing up. I would rather my child be rewarded for BEING the best not be givien a PITY REWARD. Lets face it theses 'ties', 'participation awards' and 'every one gets an award' are just to make the children who dont do their best and show up feel good. What about the WINNER. Why should they not get treated like a winner???
    Yeah I'd like to see if you feel the same if you had a kid that was ALWAYS at the bottom. Academically and physically. Are you saying you would prefer they never got acknowledged for the work they put in?
    What age are your kids now?

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to 4underfour For This Useful Post:

    CMF  (13-02-2013)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    138
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked
    35
    Reviews
    0
    What about encouragement? Isnt that an award? A child would feel great if their parent told them they did a great job or said I loved watching you have a go at xyz.
    There needs to be a balance. In life not everyone gets the prize all the time and this happens in childhood. That's where the adults come in to guide the child into accepting that somebody else won and they did a good job and should keep trying etc. Or teach them to learn from the experience.
    Otherwise there is going to be some depressed adults out there when these kids grow up and dont always get the prize.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to youmake3 For This Useful Post:

    Funchu  (13-02-2013)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    466
    Thanks
    185
    Thanked
    151
    Reviews
    0

    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    While I think there is definitely a time and a place for both acknowledging participation and praising winners I agree with OP that it is becoming over the top. As a teacher of early years-primary I see kids getting worse and worse with the concept of 'losing' over the years. As PP mentioned, mostly at this age the feeling of being safe and supported is prioritized so very, very little 'win' 'lose' occurs and we constantly need to adapt games and activities to cater for this. From their reactions with experiencing what they perceive as losing I really question whether we are setting the kids up for failure in later life? Just pondering....!!

  6. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It drives me mad. We are going to raise a society of people who think as long as they try thats good enough and they should be rewarded. I was a very competitive child I played about ever sport and I was always top player except in Basketball I sucked and no one ever tried to make me feel good about it. My mom told me that I just wasnt good at it and if I wanted to compete with the other children I would have to work at it. So I did spent hours and hours a day improving first year I got most improved player and the next 3 years I got MVP. My daughter sucked at volleyball and I told her the same thing that she would have to work on it if she wants to get better that trying isnt going to make the cut. The second year she made the team and the 3rd year she got MVP. Life takes work, getting ahead takes work. I told my kids the same thing my mom told me someone isnt going to hand you everything you want just because you are **** ******* you have to do it yourself.

    I am not sure when we got so soft on our children but I can see a decline in humans, we are getting lazier, have our hands out more, and simply want to do minimal effort for maximum return compared to the older generations. My son failed every year from 1-4 but they kept passing him because they dont fail students so essentially they were telling him its ok to not go above and beyond, to try harder because trying was enough. When I was a kid if you lost you lost, if you came in second you were just the first loser.

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Lovemyfam For This Useful Post:

    Clarabelle  (12-02-2013),Funchu  (13-02-2013),loislane2010  (12-02-2013),Maybelline  (16-02-2013),PR2bMum  (13-02-2013),wannawannabe  (13-02-2013)

  8. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    2,354
    Thanks
    165
    Thanked
    531
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    What about the poor child who NEVER wins and ALWAYS loses. They will never develop any self esteem or confidence which Are necessary qualities as a child gets older.

    I would prefer my child to get a "pity" award if it improved the way they felt about themselves. The thought of my daughters constantly being upset because there was always somebody that achieved higher or could do better than them breaks my heart. Everybody deserves to be recognised for something.

    IMO there is nothing wrong with it in moderation.
    Agree

  9. #16
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    4,806
    Thanks
    1,045
    Thanked
    2,270
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think it's good for them when they are little.
    Maybe under 6 or 7 because they are still learning things. Like how to play proper sports, read, write etc so a participation award boosts their confidence and let's them know they are doing well. Especially since kids develop at different speeds etc.
    However my DD is in yr 5 and comes home with awards like "for listening" or "for great manners" literally every second or third day. It's crap she is almost 10 I don't think she needs an award for listening she should be listening without awards. And it's not just her it's all the kids that get them.
    Gone are the days they actually had to get good marks to get awards.
    I hate that because it's teaching her that she will get rewarded for doing simple things that I expect of her at all times. I expect her at this age to be polite, respect her teacher, be helpful in class etc. She shouldn't be getting an award for being nice.

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Janesmum123 For This Useful Post:

    Funchu  (13-02-2013),Lovemyfam  (12-02-2013),PR2bMum  (13-02-2013)

  11. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,909
    Thanks
    217
    Thanked
    381
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Why is it not ok for there to be winners and losers?

    I do agree we go over the top.
    However, I also agree it's not nice for the kid that comes last all the time either..especially if they're really making an effort as well.
    I like the idea of 'most improved' awards (like how Little Athletics used to do it back in my day) where the kid that put in the most effort to continually improve gets the award rather than the kid who comes first in every race but didn't put in the same amount of effort the other kid did. IMO that's much better than simply rewarding the best only, or rewarding everyone who participates.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TheMadHatter For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (12-02-2013),beebs  (13-02-2013)

  13. #18
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    4,125
    Thanks
    1,810
    Thanked
    1,694
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I agree Maria, I think both effort and skill should be rewarded in terms of sport and academic stuff (sorry can't think of the right word!). I don't think its right as a society to only reward people who are 'the best' at everything. Quite simply, many people are so-so at most things they do, and they should also be rewarded for trying their hardest.

    I think the concept that winning is all important is contributing to the 'obesity epidemic', as kids who are not good at sports receive absolutely no encouragement at all to continue playing past lower primary school age. I think all kids should be encouraged and recognised for their effort. Having said that, I also think kids who do win should have that recognised as well.

    I also worry that too much emphasis on winning leads to the situations we are dealing with now with drugs in sport.

    All that aside, I do kind of agree OP, I had a debate with a friend once about 'winners' and prizes at kid's parties, she didn't feel there should be a winner of musical statues etc, which I personally think is ridiculous. I think a birthday party is the PERFECT place to have winners and losers because kids can experience the disappointment of losing- which is really important as its something we all experience throughout life- in a safe, happy environment where, lets face it, everyone gets a 'prize' at the end anyway (a lollybag)!

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Annabella For This Useful Post:

    twotrunks  (13-02-2013)

  15. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    976
    Thanks
    262
    Thanked
    298
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I totally agree with this and as a teacher I really disagree with the attitude that everyone should win and/ or be told they are good at everything. I will be telling my kids loud and clear the things they are good at.

    There was a great Insight debate on this very same subject and one of the points discussed was that this attitude can develop narcissism.

    If we are told we are good at everything how do we ever strive for improvement or be driven to meet goals?

  16. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to acerbaby For This Useful Post:

    Lovemyfam  (15-02-2013),Maybelline  (16-02-2013),PR2bMum  (13-02-2013)

  17. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    1,131
    Thanks
    207
    Thanked
    440
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by nat11 View Post
    I think we are. I'm a high school teacher and these kids are coming through now. They are really struggling with the concept of winning and losing and I have found that they are very happy with putting in the minimum effort because they know that it's "enough" to get through and be rewarded. Unfortunately, this is now trickling into young adults too.

    DH works with some young guys who feel that they can put in minimum effort and then whinge when they don't get rewarded because it's "unfair" for the same (hardworkers) to keep getting the good jobs.

    In life there are always going to be winners and losers and I'm worried that these kids won't be able to compete with the generations before if this "soft" approach continues to this extreme.
    This is exactly my point. I see you are better at articulating your point . I dont want my children to think its ok to do the bare minimum cos thats all they NEED to do.
    What about encouragement? Isnt that an award? A child would feel great if their parent told them they did a great job or said I loved watching you have a go at xyz.
    There needs to be a balance. In life not everyone gets the prize all the time and this happens in childhood. That's where the adults come in to guide the child into accepting that somebody else won and they did a good job and should keep trying etc. Or teach them to learn from the experience.
    Otherwise there is going to be some depressed adults out there when these kids grow up and dont always get the prize.
    I agree, i will always encourage my kids and tell them they did well. What i will not do is tell them they are the best if they are not. I will be proud that they did their best but explain that so-n-so was better and thats why they won. If they want to win they will have to practise and push themselves.
    Yeah I'd like to see if you feel the same if you had a kid that was ALWAYS at the bottom. Academically and physically. Are you saying you would prefer they never got acknowledged for the work they put in?
    What age are your kids now?
    My kids are 2 and 4. My daughter (4) have been payin board games for about a year. Sometimes shes wins, some times she loses and sometime i let her win. Ive explained that when mummy wins you shake hands and say 'good game'. Every time she loses she looks at me and says 'good game'. The she says 'lets play again, this time im going to win'. MY POINT!!!!
    As for the child that never wins, everyone is good at something, its just a matter of find it.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Winners and losers, not on tonight??
    By 2BlueBirds in forum Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 26-09-2012, 07:11
  2. Winners and losers..
    By faroutbrusselsprout in forum Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 15-08-2012, 00:09

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
L'il Aussie Prems FoundationAn Australian charity supporting families of premature babies & children. The charity assists families who are at ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›